give me abiggest joke?

What the wise have said about marriage:(Bachelors take note..) Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!! ----------------------------------------------------------- An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her. ------------------------------------------------------------ Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. ------------------------------------------------------------- Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper. ------------------------------------------------------------- I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. ------------------------------------------------------------- A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. ------------------------------------------------------------ Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too. ------------------------------------------------------------- Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later, for another thing, they die earlier. ------------------------------------------------------------- "A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle." -------------------------------------------------------------- Marriage is a three ring circus: --engagement ring, wedding ring & suffering ----------------------------------------------------------------- When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why. ----------------------------------------------------------------- Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener. ----------------------------------------------------------------- When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife. ----------------------------------------------------------------- I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back . ----------------------------------------------------------------- I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said, "Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?" ----------------------------------------------------------------- We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. ------------------------------------------------------------------ My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours. That was only for the estimate. ------------------------------------------------------------------ She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to ever get married. He says "the wedding rings look too much like minature handcuffs..... --------------------------------------------------------------------- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in! --------------------------------------------------------------------- A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating,"Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before.For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?" The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband." ------------------------------------------------------------------ A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled "It really works!" ------------------------------------------------------------------- Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage,the "y" becomes silent. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Wife and Dog missing. Reward for Dog. ---------------------------------------------------------------------

This is a classic. A radio station in the Australia recently ran a phone-in competition to find the most embarrassing moments in listeners lives. The following are the final four place getters: 4th place "While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy & started to run amuck. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust & annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself right now, she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye & said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!". The silence was deafening, after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing! I mustered the last of my dignity& walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing that I heard as the door closed behind me were the screams of laughter." 3rd place "It was the day before my 18th birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a piggy-back ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled "surprise". My entire family, ... aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all of my friends were standing there! My girlfriend and I were frozen to the spot in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no-one in my family has planned a surprise party again." 2nd place "A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checkout, she learned that one of the items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the public address system and boomed out for all the store to hear. "PRICE CHECK ON LANE 13. TAMPAX, SUPERSIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "Thumbtacks". In a very business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the public address system: DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU BELT IN WITH A HAMMER?" AND THE WINNER IS! This one happened at a major Australian University in October last year.In a biology lecture, a professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female freshie, raised her hand and asked, "If I understand what you are saying, there is a lot of glucose in male semen, as in sugar?" "That's correct." responded the professor, going on to add some statistical data. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?" After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl turned bright red and as she realised exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books, and without a word walked out of the class, and never returned. However, as she was going out of the door, the professor's reply was a classic. Totally straight-faced, he answered her question, "It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not in the back of your throat!"

Ya really funny. Short one from me - Q. What did blonde girl's right leg said to the left one ? A. Nothing, they never met. One man went to restaurant for taking his lunch. And he ordered some meat patties. As the waitress brought meat patties and he started eating them. He found some hair in one of them. He was really angry and called the waitress and asked Man : "Whats going on in the kitchen ? There's hair in my patties. I need to check ur kitchen." Waitress: Okay sir, please come in They went to the kitchen and to add to his disgust he found the chef rubbing the meat patties in his underarms.He was really angry. And then he said. Man : " Thats disgusting. Really disgusting. I cant stand in this place for one more second " Waitress : "You call this disgusting. Then what will happen when you see How he makes donuts "

A Sardar applied to a Medical School - needless to say he never made it - you know why? These are the answers he gave . ANTIBODY - against everyone ARTERY - the study of fine paintings ASPHYXIA - get a "Butt Job" BACTERIA - back door to a cafeteria BENIGN - what you be after you be eight BOWEL - letters like a,e,i,o,u CAESARIAN SECTION - a district in Rome CARDIOLOGY - advanced study of poker playing CAT SCAN - searching for lost kitty CHRONIC - neck of a crow COMA - punctuation mark CORTIZONE - area around local courthouse CYST - short for sister DIAGNOSIS - person with a slanted nose DILATE - the late British princess DISLOCATION - in this place DUODENUM - couple in jeans ENEMA - not a friend FALSE LABOR - pretending to work FECES - nasty countenance GALLBLADDER - bladder in a girl GENES - blue denim GROIN - to mash to a pulp / smile HERNIA - she is close by HYMEN - greeting to several males IMPOTENT - distinguished, well-known LABOR PAIN - hurt at work LACTOSE - person without digits on the foot LIPOSUCTION - a French kiss LYMPH - walk unsteadily MENOPAUSE - I no wait MICROBES - small dressing gowns OBESITY - city of Obe PACEMAKER - winner of Nobel Peace Prize PROTEIN - in favour of teens PULSE - grain PUS - small cat RED BLOOD COUNT - Dracula RUPTURE - ecstasy SECRETION - hiding anything SEMEN - sailors SERUM - sailors drink SUBCUTANEOUS - not cute enough SUTURE - Gujarati for "what do you want" TABLET - small table TESTES - the senses experienced by the tongue TUMOR - extra pair ULTRASOUND - radical noise URINE - opposite of you`re out VARICOSE - very close VAS DEFERENS - extremely different VEIN - at what time? VITREOUS HUMOR - both witty & funny

I have lots of jokes. I like the yo momma jokes. Here is one. Yo Momma is so ugly, her birth certificate was an apology letter from the trojan man! Ha, I like that one.