Mothers and Their Teenage Daughters

It's so weird, I speak to alot of my friends who have daughters and children in general, and today it seems we are more sheltering than our parents were with us. I mean I can remember from the age 9 walking all over the place (our local town) with my circle of friends. We would walk to town (well over 9 blocks)to see a movie, we'd walk to the local park and go ice skating in the winter, or to the local roller-disco (hehehe showing my age). Heck I was babysitting for families on my block and earning little pocket money from the time I was 10. There were no cell phones to carry, you just knew when to call home (on a pay phone if necessary) and check in and you knew the consequences if you didn't. I mean even after my mom moved us away from the town I grew up in, I still had to travel back for orthodontic appointments, and when I was 13 I was taking the public bus by myself to go back to my old town for these appointments, all of my friends were able to take the bus or the train once we hit the teens. I really believe we were much more independent then todays kids. I see it with my own kids, they depend too much on us to play taxi and in many ways we as parents have instilled this due to our own paranoia with respect to how the world has changed. We've instilled our fears of dangers and now have a hard time letting go, and letting them do even the simpilest activities without worrying. I mean at 9 I lived for Saturday and Sunday matinee movies. There was nothing like going there and meeting up with all the kids from school. In the same respect to us being more protective of our kids, our kids also want to grow up way too fast and so a Saturday or Sunday matinee movie is not the most exciting event for them on the weekends..lol. Ahh I do miss the simple days. Letting go is definitely hard, for mothers especially. I've had to do that with my son--the ultimate letting go, he went away to college. I am dreading already when my almost 16 year old daughter leaves the nest, and then I get a breather with the last one as she is only 6.

Good question. You as a man and in the father role, must be the teacher, must let her know that men can and do communicate. They will pattern their future relationships off of how they have perceived their parent's relationship. So, if you are the type of guy that shuns communication, doesn't show appreciation to your wife--you know embodies negative attributes, then she is likely to believe that is acceptable traits to bring into her own relationships later on. Father's have to always be aware of that. My own husband lets my daughters both know that there is nothing in the world they cannot go to him with. Fathers are always going to be overly protective--lol and that is why they have us so we can temper it--lol. You just have to know that at some point you have to allow your daughter to make the mistakes, and that if you were actively involved in every developmental stage of their life, then chances are you equipped them with the proper decision making tools. But, if you close the door on communication on every leve, she will go to her peers before you. That's when you have to worry. As a parent I'd much rather my child come to me for information and direction then turn to peers all the time. In our household, my husband and I pride ourselves on establishing 'unity'. The kids have always seen us united when it comes to parenting.

What am I right about? Can you please elaborate and add some value to this discussion? Do you have a teenage daughter, and if yes, how old is she? What are your struggles and obstacles with her? If you have no struggles with her, then what are you doing different that everyone here can learn from? You cannot just come on here and give the type of answer you gave, it is against myLot writing guidelines.

How old is your daughter? Teen girls are so difficult to rationalize with, and are so touchy. You want to validate their intelligence, yet you also want them to have the correct information--it's like you can't win...lol

I see the big difference with you and your children making close friends and having a lot of them is the fact that you are a military family and that there class sizes are so small that you have such a mix of kids that it is hard to find a "group" of friends to fit in with. It is not like a public school in New York where my graduating class was 280 kids and there were several "groups" of kids and you could find a group that was like you. Even me for example I was not a popular person in high school but I had several friends because we didn't fit a specific label like, cheerleaders, jocks, preps etc. we were just us most of who were in drama club. I am happy that my daughters have a wealth of friends they both have many many friends and put themselves out there. The only scary thing for me now is my almost 18 year old is so serious with her boyfriend it scares me that she is going to make a wrong choice and regret it down the road.