Men and childsupport
By emagyne
@emagyne (664)
United States
December 14, 2006 11:15pm CST
I just read a discussion that really got me hot. I would like to hear from the men or women that pay childsupport. Some men that pay childsupport, and I know quite a few, think that as long as they have to give the mother money, that is all they have to do. They feel that the only obligation that they have is a financial one. Then they moan and complain about what the mother does with the money or who she is living with and why he cant help her. THOSE ARE NOT HIS KIDS! And I feel that if you are not involved in the kids lives and the woman has to play the mother and father role, then you should be glad to pay her not only for the wellbeing of the kids but for also DOING YOUR JOB! Now this is not aimed to the men that voluntarily take care of their kids, this post isnt for you. But if you would like to comment, feel free. But this is aimed for the ones that complain about child support. Situations happen, things happen and relationships end and unfortunately there are kids left in the balance of this. But both parties have equal responsibilites to take care of the kids. Whats your opinion?
5 people like this
22 responses
@mgmagana (3618)
• United States
15 Dec 06
i am still married to my father's kids, but i know several people, my stepdad's bro, he has two kids from two diff. women, he pays 600ea. mo. to each kid, but his daughter's mom just married a millionaire, even tho he struggles to pay she still wants the money, he is involved in her life, he still buys her things, and the mom wants to put her in this high end dance class and asked the dad for half, he said he couldn't afford it and she said well if she asked why she couldn't do it then i'm gonna tell her because u don't want to put up half the money. if she was not rich she would not be trying to put her in a expensive dance class. i don't think she should get money anymore because legally her husbands income is considered hers as well, i told him he should take her back to court, but he says he doesn't want to make waves.
@emagyne (664)
• United States
15 Dec 06
I thought that they based it off both parents income as to how much the child will get. If shes married to a millionaire, he shouldnt have to pay THAT much. If I was married to a millionaire or struck it rich myself, as long as they were an active part of my kids lives, I dont think I would stress the issue of child support. Its the time that they put in that makes them a father.
@missinghim (1339)
• United States
15 Dec 06
With my whole heart I agree with you! I just read a discussion where the man thought that because the woman left him and is living with someone else, he shouldn't have any financial responsibility for the children. Quite frankly, I've just about had it with the ignorance of some people. Just because a relationship may not work out, does not mean that you don't have a responsibility for your child.
@remaster74 (4064)
• Greece
15 Dec 06
You are talking about fathers that don't really want to be fathers. I think these fathers must pay child support more than the others that actually try to be part in their childrens' lives. The parents aren't there only for the money. And if a couple is divorced then both parents have to pay their dues to their children. Either financial and emotional. And believe me emotional are more important than financial.
@baysmummy (1637)
• Australia
15 Dec 06
it makes me so angry when i see a parent complaining that their childrens mother is spending the money they pay in child support, dont they understand that in most cases the kids arent infact missing out it doesnt matter if the money is spent on a new car, or a new house or directly to the children, It costs alot to money to feed our children and clothe them and give them everything they could possibly need obviously so the money is coming from somewhere but they dont see it that way, and alot of men think just because the woman is now with a new man that he shouldnt have to support his kids and the new man should have to, this makes me so angry, My ex doesnt even pay me a cent towards my son and i am now engaged to a man and he works extremly hard to give my son everything he could ever want and need BUT he does it by choose he isnt required to no one makes him he is just a great guy who cant sit back and see a child go without, So even if the mother has a new man doesnt mean they no longer need their child support payments!
@Ravenladyj (22902)
• United States
15 Dec 06
i agree with you completely! and I was in a situation like that except he didnt even always want to pay and pulled some serious stunts to get out of it. I used to get so furious with my ex when he would whine about paying his support then turn aroudn and tell me and the kids about all the great stuff he'd bought (new car, new engine for his race car,new truck etc etc) and boast to me about how much money he made then threaten me if I planned to take him back to court....I always did my best to work with him when it came to the kids but he chose to be a fool...Unfortunately he lost out in the end because my kids decided they wanted nothign more to do with him and once he realized what he'd done and had been doin all their lives, it was too late...And you are so right, its the kids who are left hanging...It makes me so mad when ppl talk about this type of thing and they concentrate on the mum or dad...when really its all about the kids...
@venshida (4836)
• United States
15 Dec 06
I agree with you some men do not want to support their kids after the relationship with the mother is over, or they think if I send the mom a check that's all that is needed. This happen to me, but I was fortunate to have a great step dad who took care of my emotional and physical needs.
@lvhughes (545)
• United States
15 Dec 06
i am a mother of 2 girls from my first marriage with no support from the father. he doesnt pay child support and doesnt see them at all. he thinks i should teach them to call him daddy but he signed them over to my now husband before we ever got married. my husband is physically raising the and supporting them in every way. i dont know if its in the blood line or what but it is like they think because we have kids together they own us. I dont need or want his money but would love it if he'd grow up and take responsiblity. as should all parents male or female.
@lissaj (532)
• United States
16 Dec 06
I agree. They think that just because they don't see the child(voluntarily) they should support them. Sorry, it took two to make the child, it takes two to raise them. The mother(or father) can do what they want with the money, they can marry who they want and they can make 3 times the money the absent parent makes, but oh well. They are still responsible for the child they helped make. If they decide not to be a part of their children's lives, then they are just losing out. Whine, cry, and complain away, but they need to take care of their responsibilities.
@wrknggirl68 (96)
• United States
16 Dec 06
I find that this stuff can go both ways. My sons' father hasn't contributed any more than $50 to their upbringing and they are about old enough to be on their own. I'll never see any of it. My current husband I met about 10 months after his divorce. He never had written visitation because he thought they would work that out. Right!LOL! If his ex ever was mad at him she withheld his daughters to punish him. He went to court and received a set visitation. Boy was she pi#$$%#d! It didn't really matter because she would mess with the visits anyway and then he would have to call the cops to make a report. Mind games are hard to fight. I think we can be too general in this kind of discussion. By the way, his ex is thousands in debt and we know the girls don't get even half of the support spent on them. They are old enough to let us know now. Oh well...not much longer.
@chiquita1977 (1706)
• United States
15 Dec 06
I totaly agree with you.men have a finacially obligation to the child to it should not matter what the mothers living arrangements are.he has to accept it unless it is a bad situation for the kids.they still need to be a part of the kids life not just pay a little bit of child support.mothers who get child support tend to use it for the childs well beings but fathers who pay it think that they dont.both parents should have equal responcibilities but most people dont think they do.they tend to put all the responcibility on the mother.
@cindyngeorge (333)
• United States
15 Dec 06
i agree to a point, you see you are right about complaing for your responsiblity, but there are the mothers that do not take care of the child with that money and the man has all the right to complain.
it does upset me to hear mother or father complain about what this is used for what that is used for, but in all do respect the money is called what? "CHILD SUPPORT" meaning no matter what role the father or mother plays that money is used for that child/children no matter what.
@cowboyzfan (718)
• United States
16 Dec 06
Money isn't enough. I agree that you have to spend time with your kids. Money is just a object, memories are forever (like diamonds :p)
@re08dz (1941)
• Australia
16 Dec 06
Maybe I'm just lucky but my ex and I have a pretty good relationship. From the moment we spilt up our main priority was (and still is) our kids.
He initially paid support each month (and sometimes more than he needed to) that has since changed due to both our finances changing, but again we made sure our kids came first. We now sort of share their care, while I still have them the majority of the week they spend a reasonable amount of time with him - and if things happen on weekends etc when it's our turn for the kids we just swap weekends.
When it comes to things like school he may pay the school fees for example but I pay for uniforms and excursions etc.
I know not everyone is in the same situation, I just wish a lot more parents (both mothers and fathers) would put their kids first - forget their petty problems like he doesn't do this or she said that and remember it doesn't necessarily matter who has more money or who buys what, as long as the kids are loved, fed and clothed etc.
@nhtpscd (1416)
• Australia
16 Dec 06
Well the sperm donor I now call him Has not seen my older four now since 1999 by his own choice. Had every other weekend and half hols then out of the blue just stopped. He continually beats the system by working as soon as they find out he quits goes on dole works again untill they find out quits Since 1999 I have received less than $3000 for all of them.
@anirudhan (183)
• India
15 Dec 06
wat u said is correct..i think it is due to the culture or ur country that the importance of a child cannot understand or feel by a father...but if it is in india ...i think 99% of fathers here are showing responsibility and love to their children..so..let this be an ideal to all the world...
@aboutlostit (126)
• United States
15 Dec 06
my husband pays for his son and we try to have as much to do with him and school but his mom doesn t feel the same way some times but i think if the kids are not getting thi thing they need then whom ever pay the child suport has the right to ask where it is going
@surpluscars (315)
• Philippines
15 Dec 06
true and i can relate to the situation...but at least good for them to have given financial help at all...worst to those men who NEVER gives even a bit of financial support. i have to be both father and mother to OUR kid and i have to raise my kid ALL ALONE.
i wish there is a law here in my country that puts these kind of men to jail. i know in australia that they do put men in jail if they dont pay child support.
