Moms, maybe you have the answers!

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When it comes to raising children, when is it too strict and when is it too lax? I couldn't seem to do it right with my 17 year old. Lately, he is giving me nothing but headaches. The worst was yesterday when I received the phone bill and I found out I now owe the phone company $168.35 (PHP P8300.00) for calls I did not make. Apparently, he calls his girlfriend and some other girls' cellphones using the land phone. Here in the Philippines, the toll charges are more expensive calling a cellphone through the land phone than calling long distance land phone to land phone. I have been supportive of my son, even if I really don't agree with some of his choices like giving up his class ranking (he was 4th over-all) for basketball. I thought as a parent, I have no right to rule over my children's lives by making decisions for them, that all I can do is back them up and be there for them in case they'd fail. I thought I have been a good mom, I thought I have shared enough wisdom with him and I thought I have a pretty open relationship with him, but now that all of these has happened, I am starting to doubt my capability as a mother, let alone as a stepmother. I'll ask the same question I asked my husband yesterday, how come we (parents) would never seem to know when we're doing it right? How come just when we think we're doing good, we still ain't? I hope I'm not getting any of you confused...