What is your favorite Christmas joke?

The British Military writes OFR's (officer fitness reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people's "206's".... His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity. I would not breed from this Officer. This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be. When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there. He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction. He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle. Technically sound, but socially impossible. This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere. This young lady has delusions of adequacy. When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably. Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig. She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them. He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age. In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. Only occasionally wets himself under pressure "A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." - In the August 1993 issue, page 9, of PS magazine, the Army's magazine of preventive maintenance "Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing." - Anonymous "Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove." - Ashleigh Brilliant "There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?" - D*ck Cavett, mocking the TV-violence debate "Don't worry about temptation. As you grow older, it starts avoiding you." - Farmer's Almanac

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

Sorry i am not a jocker. but i wish u the happy Christmas to u and all my friends in mylot

Sorry i am not a jocker. but i wish u the happy Christmas to u and all my friends in mylot

have this man Snow is falling (rain in California!), children are playing, bells are ringing ... and I'm collecting entertaining Christmas and Hanukah jokes from stupid to great, so if you have one to add send it to me, or put it in the comments and I'll add it to the list! Q-How long should a reindeer's legs be? A-Just long enough to reach the ground. Knock knock. Who's there? Santa it's cold. Santa it's cold who? Santa said it's cold, can we take the sleigh out tomorrow instead? Knock knock. Who's there? Santa it's freezing. Santa it's freezing who? Santa, Rudolph wanated to tes tthe flagpole and it's freezing. Knock knock. Who's there? Mary. Mary who? Mary Christmas! What happens if you eat x-mas decorations? You get tinsel-itis! Did you hear about Hanibal Lechter's Christmas party? It's a scream! Keep that reindeer out of the house, it's full of fleas... He Rudolph? What? You better stay out of the house .......... it's full of fleas.