I need some jokes and funny images.

T-Day Load A young wife, who was becoming frustrated with her young husbands constant demands for daxe, decides to make a schedule for him, to cut down on the amount of times that they will have to make love for the rest of their marriage. While getting ready for work, she writes on a piece of paper, "Honey, you know I love you, but your never ending requests for daxe are leaving me drained and really tired. So I propose that we only have daxe on days that start with the letter 'T', to minimise the frequency of our lovemaking sessions. Don't be mad at me honey, just understand where I am coming from, and let me know if my request is too demanding of you." On her way out the door, she uses a refrigerator magnet and sticks the note to the fridge door, hoping that her daxe craved husband will be understanding and accepting of her proposal when he reads it. Upon returning home, she glances at the refrigerator and notices that her note has been replaced with a note from her husband that reads, "Baby, I didn't' realise that I was putting you under so much pressure and I'm sorry. I accept your proposal and have even taken the extra step of listing at the bottom of this letter, those days starting with the letter 'T' to make sure that we are on the same page. 1. TUESDAY 2. THURSDAY 3. TODAY 4. TOMORROW P.S. I love you too, and remember it's still TODAY, I am waiting for you upstairs."

AMES, IA--The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by materials researchers at IPRT/ISU. The new element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons, and thus has an atomic weight of 0. However, it does have one neuron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistants vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of particles called morons. Since it has no electrons, Administratium is totally inert. However, it can be detected chemically, since it impedes every reaction it comes into contact with. According to its discoverers, a tiny amount of Administratium caused one reaction to take over four days to complete; the normal reaction time is less than one second. Administratium has a normal half life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Studies have shown that the atomic mass usually increases after each reorganization. Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points, such as governmental agencies, large corporations, and universities. It is always found in the newest, best appointed, and best maintained buildings. Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reactions where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising.

A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local race track to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry. During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the toilet so it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men's toilet, one of the boys came out and told her he couldn't reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside and began hoisting the little boys up by their armpits, one by one. As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed for an elementary school child. "I guess you must be in the fifth," she said. "No ma'am" he replied, "I'm in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow. Thanks for the lift anyhow." Q: What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man? A: The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the man thinks often about dating them. Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders. The President asked for a whisky and soda, which was brought and placed before him. The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like a drink. The minister replied in disgust, "Ma'am, I'd rather be savagely raped by a brazen wh*re than let l*quor touch these lips!" The President then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't know there was a choice..."

Does your wife know how to park a car? Well, she doesn’t exactly park a car she abandons it. ---------------- We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

A woman - complaining to her neighbour that her husband always came late from office, no matter how she tried to stop him. Neighbour - "Take my advice," do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o' clock in the morning, and from my bed, I called out: "Is that you Ram?" and that cured him. A woman - "cured him! But how?" Neighbour - "you see, his name is Sham."

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have this dear This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant. This program is known as - "Millennia Year Application Software System" (MYASS). Next Monday, there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at MYASS. We have not addressed networking aspects yet, so, currently, only, one person at a time can use MYASS. This restriction will be removed after MYASS expands. Some employees have begun using the program already. This morning I walked into a subordinate's office and was not suprised to find that he had his nose buried in MYASS. Some of the less technical people may be somewhat afraid of MYASS. Last week, my secretary said to me: "I'm a little nervous. I never put anything in MYASS before." I helped her through the first time and afterward she admitted that it was relatively painless and she was actually looking forward to doing it again, and was even ready to kiss MYASS. There have been concerns over the virus that was found in MYASS upon initial installation, but the virus has been eliminated and we were able to save MYASS. In the future, however, protection will be required prior to entering MYASS. This database will encompass all information associated with the business. As you begin using the program, feel free to put anything you want in MYASS. As MYASS grows larger, we envision a time when it will be commonplace for a supervisor to hand work to an employee and say, "here, stick this in MYASS." It will be a great day when we need data quickly and our employees can respond, "Here it is. I just pulled in out of MYASS."