Joke a day

There is a pit-bull, bull-dog, and a black lab all locked up in the local dog pound. The pit-bull decides to speak freely and says, "Ya know, it wasn't my fault I bit that kid's head off. Them kids have been throwing rocks at me for years and I just couldn't help but jump the fence one day and go after them. Now they are going to put me to sleep." The bull-dog speaks up and says, "I'm in for a similar incident. My master just wasn't paying any attention to me since that stinkin baby came along and one day while it was crawlin around on the floor I bit its leg off. Now they are going to put me to sleep too." Both the pit-bull and bull-dog look at the black lab and ask, "What are you in for?" The lab replies, "Well the other day my master's lady was walking around the house naked all day long cleaning the house. When she went into the bathroom and bent over to clean the tub I just couldn't take it anymore. I came up behind her, put my front paws on her back and mounted her." The pit-bull asks, "So when are you due to be put to sleep?" And the lab replies, "Oh, I'm not in to be put to sleep, I'm just in to have my nails trimmed and groomed."

If a lion were stalking you, what steps would you take? The longest step I could!

A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The Nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The Nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologised "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the Nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find GLORY."