Need Urgent Advice - Help!
By thewatchlist
@thewatchlist (653)
United States
December 18, 2006 6:40pm CST
Okay, I posted a few days ago about a friend who might have gotten involved with a cult that is under the guise of a reformed baptist/calvinist church. I would like to thank the all people who offered their opinion on if they thought the "church" was crossing the line or not.
If you would like to see that post, it is here...
http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/442685.aspx
Today I got some terrible new news. The couple mentioned in that post will (well, the only 1/2 of the couple that is still in regular contact with anyone) be getting a divorce. The one who attends the "church" is wanting to take over the house on their own (most likely with funding/financial backing from the church elders/clergy as their is absolutely no way they can afford the house alone but they have said they do not want to go to court and want to settle the divorce amicably). The spouse who has taken up this new religion is refusing any counseling outside of the church. Also, they have been sleeping over at random church member's homes for the past week or so, including the clergy's home.
This whole mess started less than 6 months ago and now it is to the point where none of the persons friends (other than the supposed "church" friends) have seen this person in more than 45 days. The person goes to work and church and then home each day, until recently when they have been sleeping at church members homes.
Is there anything that myself or other friends should be attempting to do? Also, how do I even attempt to approach the spouse who was left behind in this whole mess to give them support? They are still in shock as they care for their spouse and don't want to end their marriage.
Help/Advice please!
4 people like this
21 responses
@thewatchlist (653)
• United States
19 Dec 06
Thanks for your support. It's a tough situation and it's hard to even comprehend that it's happening let along what to do about it.
1 person likes this
@mansha (6298)
• India
19 Dec 06
This kind of thing happened in m,y country too. A serving Deputy supritendent of police started claiming he is rebirth of "Radha" beloved of Lord Krishna a hindu diety. he started dressing a s a girl, renounced the world and even attended office like that. His spouse moved to the court and took a stay on the house and property til;l it could be decided what to do. Infact she even threw his belongings(clothes) out of the home telling him if he is going to be one with the god he does not need all this so better go and join some temple.I think you can ask that lady also to do the same and take possession of house and property, I think that cult members will actually throw the man out if he is not financially sound.Its all the matter of money nothing else.Read this article in Tribune about the whole issue and high court stand on it
http://www.tribuneindia.com/2005/20051217/main7.htm
@thewatchlist (653)
• United States
19 Dec 06
Thanks for sharing this story.
I do agree that these people are after money. It's interesting that people across the globe and from various religious backgrounds and succumb to this sort of thing.
Thanks again for the links.
@The_Eagle_1 (1121)
• Australia
19 Dec 06
It can be frustrating when you want to be the "fixer"...which many people are(fixers I mean)....the best thing you can do is just keep asking your friend if there is anything you can do to help, and then you have the option of choosing to help in a way that is needed and not what is thought to be needed.
@thewatchlist (653)
• United States
19 Dec 06
I am more concerned about the person's well being than their marriage. Ending a marriage is one thing, but this involvement with this "church" is unhealthy.
@hockeygal4ever (10021)
• United States
19 Dec 06
I think you have a better chance at approaching the scorned one and offering your ear to listen and shoulder to lean on. As for the other person, there is little you can do when a person gets involved in a cult unless you can truly break the cult's hold. At this point, while it's sort of uncaring to say, I would walk away from the drama of the one that is involved in the cult and hope they eventually come to their senses. Keep them in your prayers. And offer some guided listening to the spouse who's not in the cult.
1 person likes this
@thecandlelady (67)
• United States
19 Dec 06
I can understand why you are concerned. I do notknow what you should do. I know praying is the most powerful thing that you can do.
I had some friends growing up in high school that their parents got into this religious cult and they left their house and kids, their kids were adults when they left, and disappeared. They are living in some woods in Northern MN. Recently they found there parents and the parents told them they didn't want anything to do with them. It is so sad. I hope that everything goes ok. Please keep us posted.
1 person likes this
@thewatchlist (653)
• United States
19 Dec 06
It is so strange how someone can get caught up in stuff like that.
These groups pick their prey well though.
Thanks for the comments.
@moonlover7808 (71)
• United States
19 Dec 06
The sad thing is this - even though we would all love to come up with the thing to say that will change some behavior that is not good for a loved one, we usually never do. They are going to be involved in whatever harmful behavior until they are the ones who see that it is killing them and everyone close to them. Many times in my life I have wished I was wise enough to put together the right words to have a profound enough effect on someone I loved when I saw them into things that were really bad for them. I only managed to make them mad and not listen. Let it run its course and if it lasts from now on then there is nothing you can do about it. Sorry.
1 person likes this
@thewatchlist (653)
• United States
20 Dec 06
Thanks for commenting. I agree with your statement that it is very hard to figure out what to say to the person. It's a very fine line between help and pushing them further down this path.
@vipul20044 (5793)
• India
19 Dec 06
Buddy now it is the time for you to lend a shoulder to them! For those who are left
they are in shock no doubts but its upto you time for you to show how much you care and to help them to come out of it
1 person likes this
@umeshumapathy (283)
• India
19 Dec 06
first make sure u r friend is involved then try confronting abt it..
1 person likes this
@profclark (512)
• United States
19 Dec 06
Wow, this is getting really complex. Wondering where their parents are and do they know about all of this. Also wonder how this is affecting their work. In the end, I agree with most here, all you can do is support the one who gets out, and he is probably the only one who can change his/her spouse's mind by gettng them to remember a time before all this mania happened. Good luck and let us know what happens.
1 person likes this
@thewatchlist (653)
• United States
19 Dec 06
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this troublesome issue.
The person's parents live a few hours away. I don't know them personally, but I have been told that they are quite religious and are of a completely different denomination. I'm sure that they would be disturbed to hear this info, but I don't think that they are in the know as of yet.
As it stands right now, they are filing divorce papers. I can only imagine that this will push the one further into isolation and causing them to rely even more on this group they've gotten mixed up in.
@reinydawn (11643)
• United States
19 Dec 06
I had read through some of your "hypothetical" posts earlier and had absolutely nothing to say that might help you then. I mentioned it to my husband and he said it sounded just like what happened to his brother's first wife. She was involved with a church (and still is) that really dictated how she was to live her life. Who she was to see, how she was to dress, everything. Their son (he's 16 now) is very involved with this church and he seems ok... I know that some people's churches are pretty fanatical about things, but this situation you have sounds pretty harmful... All I can say is give your friend all the support you can. Unfortunately, you really can't do much for the other person until she realizes what's going on with her life. I wish you the best.
@thewatchlist (653)
• United States
19 Dec 06
Thanks for the comment. I think you are right. Unfortunatly I'm not likely in a place where I have any power to make a difference, at least not by myself.
@FreddyLim (161)
• Singapore
19 Dec 06
This seem to be a serious problem and I dun have good advise for you.
Maybe you have to talk to both of them separately (I assume you know both of them). Then analyse the problem and bring the 2 together for a chat. You should act as the middle man coming in only when its necessary. This is possibly the only way I can think of to help them.
good luck
1 person likes this
@thewatchlist (653)
• United States
19 Dec 06
Thanks for the comments. That is sort of what myself and another friend have tried to do. It is terribly hard to be the middle man though when you can't see both ends.
@ms_sandman (13)
• Philippines
19 Dec 06
you know it is very difficult situation,maybe talk to thier relatives make a open forum for them but make sure you have some legal advice when you do this,this the least i can help,,,good luck
@thewatchlist (653)
• United States
19 Dec 06
I suggested to the spouse who was left behind in all this that they might want to consider approaching the other's parents/family.
@thewatchlist (653)
• United States
19 Dec 06
Thanks for the comment.
I fully plan on being there for them. It's just that this is so very strange and seemingly sudden. It's hard not to be shocked by it all.
@thewatchlist (653)
• United States
19 Dec 06
It is a pretty oddball thing and it is very difficult to comprehend. I've been thinking on it quite a bit and checking with other friends of the person. None of us are really able to come up with much either.
@thewatchlist (653)
• United States
19 Dec 06
Wow. A picture that says advice. That is very helpful. I hope that they give you .04 cents for that instead of the regular $0.02.
