Oh Gosh my mom is back after 13 years
By MentalPanic
@MentalPanic (227)
Sri Lanka
December 20, 2006 5:46pm CST
My mom did call today ..feels a bit strange and say mom . I haven´t seen her in 13 years and just*poff* she is around again. Around us like she have been there all the time , think that I just can sit down and be the mom and daughter again. It´s not so simple I took it hard when she just moved away without leaving adress and phonenumber. She took my youngerst sister and brother with er and me my sister and my brother ..the older once ..was not allowed for have a connection with her. We did try some times but no good respons.
I don´t want her around for me she have been ended for some years ago. I needed to go on with my life and not hook up on that my mom not wanted me around.The problem with her is that she can´t listen and understand other people, she always want to do her own race , and with me it dosen´t work and then she acts like a little kid who not got the candy. She ignores in weeks and do not want to talk, do not even say hi if we did meet on the street, because I was the bad daughter who could tell her about how I see on things.
So now she is back still are the same I don´t miss it at all. It does more bother me ..she can´t do this stuff with me but she tries with my 15 years old daughter now, she have even told my daughter that I´m not well in my mind. Hello she don´t know me after all years she don´t know my daughter ..feels like it smells strange things behind this..what in heck do she want?
3 people like this
48 responses
@sweetieBerry (235)
• Philippines
21 Dec 06
you know what, panic - i can totally relate.
even if i grew up with my mom - i feel like i haven't known here in 13 years as well.
we only started livin in the same house after i graduated from high school - i know that we don't want to seem ungrateful as daughters but it's so tough to love even your own mother if you've never felt her presence for almost half your life!
but things got a little bit better when we just gave each other a chance to know each other. we've had bitter fights in the past years that usually ended up in slammed doors, broken glasses and long periods of silence between us - but nothing can really take away the fact that no matter what, the both of us have no choice but to learn to love each other because in times of need, she was the only person that could really help me.
i don't know if that's the case with you, though because what you're mom did was very hurtful, especially telling your daughter that you're "not well in the head".
however you deal with it though, i hope that in some way you'll be guided by prayers because it's very tough giving up on your own mother and if you do finally decide to permanently cut ties with her, prepare yourself for the hurt and the pain. there's also this very profound loss that you will feel if you cut her off of your life.
still, if the only thing she does is break your heart - then it's worth all the risk.:o)
take care.
@MentalPanic (227)
• Sri Lanka
21 Dec 06
I guess it have been on the line that we have try to talk or I have ask her about things..she have act really strange with much things around ..and the reson she did run away for was that I did find 2 halfbrothers and did ask about it..she did not want to talk about it...my father is not alive he did die when I was around 2 years old ..she have act so strange with all of this ...not told me about who have been my father and so on I was 12 when someone letting me know that my stepfather not is my father...so seams like she have much and sort out in her life
@birthlady (5609)
• United States
21 Dec 06
Well, you don't say what led to her moving without telling you and your siblings closest to your age, but perhaps now that she is back, you can explain to her that she is not allowed to speak ill of you to your daughter because it undermines you as a mother, and hurts you as a daughter.
@birthlady (5609)
• United States
21 Dec 06
Just say it and pretend she understands, then you got it off your chest. If she can't understand, you may need to stay away from her,she sounds "toxic" to you by always hurting you without caring.
@MentalPanic (227)
• Sri Lanka
21 Dec 06
how do I make a person understand it if the person not want to understand that she hurt other ?
@Sashmira (403)
• India
21 Dec 06
Well, after reading ur story, first of all i feel very sorry for u, for the moments tht u hv lost being with ur mom. You had a big family.....hv u ever tried to find out wht happened with ur mom to leave u and go....did u communicate and tried to reach her.
Mother and child is a unique relationship and no other relationship can hv this bond, as u can experience with ur own daughter. Well i don't want to sound mean, it will be very difficult after wht she did with u but if maybe u try to reach and hv an open discussion with her and understand, than maybe she won't act with ur daughter & u the she is doing right now.....I m quite sure tht u hv raised ur daughter upto ur mark and will continue till she gets settle and take care of herself. So think abt ur mom she is definitely too old now.....
@MentalPanic (227)
• Sri Lanka
21 Dec 06
well yes my and my sister and brother have try to reach her the first 2 years she was gone. But it wasen´t worth and go on with that when she don´t replay it..in some end we all need to go forwords in life and put an end in things...so did I do I went on with my life and find soulution for a familyfeeling with friends and so on. Sure she want something but she not doing it more easier for herself with her acting. And well even if my mom is old ..she have act in life with this then she need to take what it giving back. If I make my friends hurted I need to stand for it and learn about it..not come back and do the same thing again
@perfectkiller (341)
• Pakistan
21 Dec 06
oh where the hell she was for last 13 years... very hard to accept sum1 wen shez not around for 13 years.. big time ...
@MentalPanic (227)
• Sri Lanka
21 Dec 06
I guess she was hiding so she did not need to answers about her actings she have make ..and 13 years yeah long time no seeing..^^ a lot of strange people out there in the world ;)
@MentalPanic (227)
• Sri Lanka
21 Dec 06
I do not need to accept a person because it´s my mother ..she should accept me as a person..sometimes is not blood ticker then water. :)
@deepakthaman (14)
• India
21 Dec 06
yes may b some day she willl realize all bad thing she has done to u and change herself
@MentalPanic (227)
• Sri Lanka
21 Dec 06
na my mom is not I want this daughter mother thing..for many years ago she did tell me that I should do the same as my father..choise to hang myself ...so nope your wrong here ..can´t be happy with it
@krizz420 (4385)
• Canada
21 Dec 06
Im so sorry to hear that and like you find it hard to believe that she thinks she can just pop in and out of your life like nothing ever happen. I know I could'nt put with it. Also as well as your mother telling your daughter your not right in the head, this is really bad because you dont need your daughter putting you down or fighting wiht you. If I was you I would ask the woman to leave me and my family alone shes not welcomed. Hey thats me though. Hope all works out for you!
@MentalPanic (227)
• Sri Lanka
21 Dec 06
That´s my mom she have always act like this . Not think about how much things she saying can hurts in other souls. She did not like that I got pregnant either with my daughter . Then she said that I should smoke and so on for losing my daughter ..so she really upset me with that she connect my daughter , I belive she wants to mess up around a bit she feels well with see other feel bad
@rosey2006 (945)
• United States
21 Dec 06
Well, I think that I might be able to relate a little bit to your problem. My mom abandoned me when I was little(she did write letter and see every couple of years), but in my opinion she will never be a real mom to me. I had a foster mom who really cared about me and would do anything for me. This person is my true mother.
Sorry to ramble on. I think that you are right. She is after something, but I'm not sure what. Is she an addicted to something. Some addicts act this way. Don't trust her for a minute. I think the only way you will get an answer from your mom is to ask her what is going on. Good luck to you.
@MentalPanic (227)
• Sri Lanka
21 Dec 06
well yes she is addicted or I should say more that she was ..I don´t know here today...she was addicted to pills all she could have
@MentalPanic (227)
• Sri Lanka
21 Dec 06
maybe u want to share her with me ..she is really good u know ;)
@ghost1380 (871)
• Philippines
21 Dec 06
talk to her a say that you dont want her in your life. and whats the deal with your mom telling your daugther that your not well in mind.? she's not a good mom your better of without her.,
@maximus2006 (835)
• Hong Kong
21 Dec 06
Really sorry to hear that,and It seems your mom have hurt you deepply. I don't know the reason,maybe it is because of her personality. In my opinion,people will change as they are becoming older and older. I think there must be something changed in your mother. Maybe she wanna to amend the relationship between you and her,so she gave you a call. but she could not say sorry or other words to you because of her personality. As a daughter,I think you can have a calm conversation with her, tell her your idea, listen to her explaination. There is no mom in the world who does not love her kids. The misundersanding between you and her block the access to exchange with each other. Why not speak it out. I think the most important thing is familly.
@MentalPanic (227)
• Sri Lanka
21 Dec 06
well yes the family can be importent ..but I won´live with this way of acting again it is not worth it..and if she had change then I think that she would do it in a better way she aint doing it better for her with talking in the way she does with my daughter. And this speak it out is a bit hard ..I have try it many times with her under the times we were a "family" it dosen´t work...all people can´t face problems and talk about it ..sad but true
@makemoney24 (11)
• United States
21 Dec 06
It sounds like your mother is very selfish. What was her childhood like? Is her mother (your grandmother) still living. The relationship between your mother and your grandmother will give you some insight into the problems your mother is dealing with. Sometime parents or people cannot give what they did not receive. She is probably responding to what was missing in her life. Was her mother there for her? It is not good for a parent to choose siblings. Have you ever received counseling? I would imagine that you are carrying somme deep scars. She should be ashamed of herself. Don't allow her to downtalk you to your daughter. Sometimes you need to seperate from people who cause you and your child pain. Mother or not.
Pray for peace. I hope these discussions help you to heal.
@MentalPanic (227)
• Sri Lanka
21 Dec 06
yes I hope this discussion make me have other ways and think and take in to my mind and understand things in how a person acts like they do ..the healing process have work out good thought In the start I were very sad and depressed but now I feel stbil inside I´m just more afride that she hurts my daughters feeling
@MentalPanic (227)
• Sri Lanka
21 Dec 06
yeah it´s sad and see so much people who have problem with things like that, some have really hard and going forward and so on without the family
@Dalifriend (2)
• United States
21 Dec 06
Hello. I'm sorry for the trials you are encountering with your mother. Sounds like Mom has a hidden agenda. Sounds like her own life is a royal mess and by trying to re-establish a relationship with you and your daughter, she can manage SOME kind of control. I don't think she's there to apologize to you, for if she were, it would have been said right away. My own opinion is to maintain distance with her and don't allow your daughter to be around her unless you are there as well. If Mom cannot accept YOUR terms, then she needs to leave you be. And if your terms are "Go away", then she should respect that. After all, you are an adult. I wish you the best of luck in this difficult matter.
@MentalPanic (227)
• Sri Lanka
21 Dec 06
yes she have a lot she needs to sort out in her life ...and if she had try to sort it out in another way I would not be go away because it is things I wonder about ..who I have ask her for many years ago..but sometimes we may be living without answers I guess
@humaaaa (1386)
• Pakistan
21 Dec 06
Oh no after all she is your mother ... What ever she did but do you know what you can't get a mother back if you lost it once. Mother is a Gift from God that He only gives your once in your life, Mother is the most precious thing in persons life don't loose it.
No matter what she does its her right, because you are the children and she went through many pains when she gave you birth. Imagine your self at your mothers place and your daughter at your place just for once if you leave your daughter even for 20 years and return and your daughter reacts or thinks the same as you do for your mother, how would you feel?
@snowflake5 (1579)
• United States
20 Dec 06
I'm so sorry. It sounds like she has hurt you very badly.
What you say about her trying to poison your daughter against you is disturbing. Don't let that happen. If she was a responsible grandmother she wouldn't do it.
You might need to set some ground rules with her. Decide how you want your relationship with her to operate and tell her so. If she doesn't agree, then keep your distance. You may be happier that way.
@MentalPanic (227)
• Sri Lanka
21 Dec 06
it dosen´t work with the rule things ..then she aint have it she getting more mean ..so I hope she understand the words stay away from me and my daughter ;) I have no problems and tell her that thought
@cindyspassions (510)
• Lampe, Missouri
21 Dec 06
my mom and i disowned each other for over 10 years and we are jut now getting back on talking terms. so i know what it is like. only thing i can say is if you want to make mends with her and the two of you be friends again you both have to want it and then put the past behind you. there is no telling what her reasons where to leave. i am sorry about her just leaving you and your older sibs and taking just the younger ones but look at it this way would you be where you are today if she had taken you with her? that is what i always have to ask my self. my mom has told me time and time again that if i would have been a boy she would have left me with my dad when she left him. he is now in perison. i have not seen him since i was maybe 1 1/2 and just seen his pic for the first time all these years one of him in perison. not a nice thing to see. i also have two half brothers that i have not seen since then i had contact with them a few years back but have lost contact once agin. between the two of them i have 8 nesis and nephus and i have not met any of them. would like to some day but i have to find a way to contact them and locat where they are.
@BulletsMama (221)
• United States
20 Dec 06
Don't leave her alone with your children...if she is telling them strange things about you that is horrible and will affect your relations with your own children. Sounds like she is trying to put a shining light on what "she" thinks is wrong with you to keep the light off of any questions that will arise about why she left.
Keep your chin up! and do what is right for YOU and YOUR family.... I understand...I am going through a ton of crap now with my mom....
@MentalPanic (227)
• Sri Lanka
21 Dec 06
I try to not have her around my daughter but as well it´s hard if she not can have the contact in our home she take the connection outside without me near ..my daughter find it hard and she getting a bit stressed with it
@nhtpscd (1416)
• Australia
20 Dec 06
Yes it can be hard. But there are always a deep bond down deep. Just try to keep lines of communication open just a little. Yes the painful memories will always be there. Search deep within your self to find the answers.How does your daughter respond to here? I hope all goes better.
@MentalPanic (227)
• Sri Lanka
21 Dec 06
My daughter is 15 years old so she never really have know her grandmother. She shakes wonder what kind of grandmom she have and much thinking comes up in her mind like ..why haven´t she want to be with me before when I were younger and things like that. In the same time she she do miss this part to have a family around her grandmom granddadd and so on..it´s hard to see that sometimes ..for other kids it´s normal and have this around . Well I have talk with her and told her the grounds and so on so she knows where it have start. The thing is who makes me upset is that my daughter have some problems who makes her needs struktur and so on ..and my mom mess it up for her and my daughter getting worried. My daughter have Boderline diagnos and I have search my mom in this for some years for have some information about if it have beein in the family before and so on..so it´s not anything new for my mom
