We Talk About Cancer,Saying goodbye to an Amazing Mother

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Hi Everyone, here is a story of my close freind who lost his mother due to cancer .he wished me to share this story with all of u in his own words,so here goes on ..... hallo guys,i m markus I lost my mother due to Cancer on October 14th. Today I buried her ashes and this really was the final moment of saying goodbye to her. Like to many other posts that I've read on here, I'm finding it so helpful to hear of your experiences and it has so made me realise that I'm not alone in my thoughts. My mother was diagnosed back in 2000, had a mastectomy, radio and chemo and seemed to have made a good recovery. 2 years ago she thought she was getting arthritis, only to be told bluntly in her GP that it wasn't, it was a return of her cancer but now in her bones. She never pushed me to listen to her pain, but when I read her diaries after she died, it was all there, day by day and now I feel terrible that I didn't spend more time listening and understanding her pain. Mum had some amazing support from the LOROS hospice sitting service and her MAC nurse. But again, I now wish I'd spent more time with her, maybe not gone to work but its too late to change that now. It was only really in the last few months of her life that I became her main carer. I had always gone with Mum to as many appointments with the Oncologist as possible, and one day she mentioned that she thought Mum had got a spread to her spine and a little spread of cancer in the base of her skull. I don't remember Mum reacting too much to this, and even though I knew deep down that this was serious and probably not good news at all, I kept smiling for her and we carried on our lives. There was no treatment for her apart from radiotherapy for pain relief, which she hated and often used to talk me into not taking her! We laughed about it then. Earlier this year, I noticed she was started to get the odd word wrong. At first, I laughed about it, as she did too! We used to be driving off somewhere in the car to go shopping together and she would come out something totally wrong and we would laugh so much we'd both end up crying. I miss those journey's together. Time went on... after a while it became clear to me that this wasn't just a little mistake on her behalf, it was more serious. She didn't realise what was happening I don't think, and I'm glad of that. Over the following months she started to be less and less mobile, need a wheelchair for distances and eventually becoming a little incontinent. I questioned myself over my ability to look after her, but as so many others of you have said, you go into auto-pilot and you get on with it. One sunday I was at work when I had a phone call to say Mum's home help and gone in a found her collapsed on the floor. There procedure is to dial 999 and get an ambulance. Luckily, my partner was at home and managed to get to her before the ambulance and go with her. I will never forget walking into that hospital ward and seeing her smile as she saw me walk in. The doctor put her on steriods and told me she had swelling to her brain and by the next day she was so much better. I think it was then that I thought... hey... we'll keep her on steriods for the rest of her life and everything will be great! I didn't realise then that they only work for so long. In Mum's last few weeks of her life, we moved in her with us having converted the dining room to be her own room. She loved being here so much and seemed to pick up for quite a while. One morning, the home help came in to get her dressed and found she couldn't get out of bed. This was not like my mother, she was always up and hated being in bed! This was to be the day that I was told she was now in the end stage and I had no idea it was coming so soon. I thought we had at least 6 months together. Mum stayed in bed for just 4 days before passing away. I tried so hard to stay by her bed constantly, but sometimes you need to rest yourself and I had amazing friends and family who made sure she was never alone. I think the greatest thing I did for her was allowing her the dignity of passing away at home with her family and friends around her. I thought I would be scared of having her at home to die, but actually, it was a beautiful thing in a strange way. She just wanted to rest. I just hope she knew in the last few days that I was by her side. Mum was 60 when she passed away and I am 30 and today I really am not sure what I am going to do with out her for the rest of my life. I had so many things I still wanted to do, places to go with her and things to share. I do my crying in private. So many people say it gets easier but I'm not finding that yet. Some mornings I actually wake up crying. But then I put on my brave face and carry on, but its not easy. I miss her so much. I've rambled on I know, but to anyone who's reading or sharing my experiences, I wish you every strength.