Could you FORGIVE your MOTHER?
By iAlicia
@iAlicia (758)
United States
December 22, 2006 6:16am CST
I have a friend. She is very close to me and always has been. She was sexually abused by her step-dad from the time she was 8 years old up until the age of 12. During that time frame she mentioned what was going on to her mother and asked her not to confront him in front of her. Her mother talked to him about it and ended up confronting her in front of him. She said it embarrassed the hell out of her. Her mother told her it would stop and never to mention anything about what had happened to ANYONE!
Well, the abuse continued after she told her mother and it ended up getting worse. Finally, when she was about 12 years old she told a friend about everything that had happened. Her friend told her mother and her mother called the cops and reported the abuse. My friend's step-dad was removed from the house and spent a month or so in jail. He went through all kinds of counseling, etc... In the mean time, my friend's mother pretty much brain washed her into lying for him and he ended up living back in the house with her and her brother and sisters... on probabtion.
Well, when my friend turned 18 she moved out with her boyfriend. She is 20 now and has VERY serious relationship problems. She never got the counseling that she needed because her mother refused to pay for it. She is always uncomfortable when people touch her or get to close, which makes it very difficult to sustain any kind of intimate relationship. I feel bad for her. I know that's her mother, but geeze, mother's shouldn't do these kinds of things to their children.
Could you ever seriously forgive your mother for all of this?
5 people like this
61 responses
@carlito888 (244)
• Philippines
22 Dec 06
forgive forget move on...its not to late to undergo some counseling. just entrust everything to God.
2 people like this
@josan181237 (1204)
• Philippines
22 Dec 06
yes entrust everything to God and He'll make all things possible.
@crystal8577 (1466)
• United States
6 Feb 07
Obviously you have never been in that sort of situation. She was betrayed by the people who were supposed to protect her & love her the most. It is so easy for someone to say get over it, but a lot harder to do. Counseling does not always erase what happened. There are things you never forget & possibly never even truly deal with for fear it may destroy you.
@bhaswarniyogi (255)
• Singapore
22 Dec 06
No, never, one cannot forgive anybody for these kind of behaviour...But as u say, ur frnd has got some serious relationship problems and she cannot afford to take any counselling, then she shud start healing herself and take a first step to atleast talk to her mother and get all the weight off her chest, this will immediately start help to heal her...I know it is very difficult but this has to be done by her to start her new life and move on...
2 people like this
@Ravenladyj (22902)
• United States
23 Dec 06
"she shud start healing herself and take a first step to atleast talk to her mother and get all the weight off her chest, this will immediately start help to heal her"
NO! that is the WORST thing she could do at this stage...confronting her mother should NOT be done until she is stronger.....if her mother disregards it all again it will cause MORE damage NOT help her heal at all..
@itsjustmeb (1212)
• Canada
22 Dec 06
Forgive, but don't forget.
I would suggest to get major counseling as well...
2 people like this
@simonjohnsid (27)
• India
22 Dec 06
no in this case ur frnd has no good reason to forgive her......if she had wished she could have stopped her husband from abusing her daughter....she i blv wont be having the feelings for her daughter
2 people like this
@whattobegood000 (1179)
• China
23 Dec 06
after reading i was crying ,i dont know what to do?///???///////////
@moonflowerpixy (536)
• United States
22 Dec 06
I could forgive her I think. but I know I would never forget her. Some of us are to put here to learn lessons way beyond the norm. The experiences that this girl endured happened for a reason. Find the good in this. Don't dwell on the bad aspect. How has it made her a wiser, stronger person more in tune with anothers other needs? Yes, damage was done but you can't use that as a crutch. She CAN overcome this! There is still help out there!! If she finds a significant other that is willing to go through this with her I believe it would only make thier relationship even stronger. Be strong and you shall overcome!
2 people like this
@JustSimplyLissa (547)
• United States
22 Dec 06
forgive, yes, forget, no. It would definitely have put a tremendous strain on the relationship. And hopefully your friend can get some counciling. It would do her some good.
2 people like this
@angel_eyes88 (181)
• India
22 Dec 06
Gosh!! I could never forgive my mother, if I had a mother like this..I would have ran away at the age of 8. Nobody should forgive such people. In fact, your friend should have sued her mother and her step-father..I cannot even imagine the mental trauma, she would have gone through...Its horrible..
2 people like this
@becauseuneedtoknow (45)
• United States
22 Dec 06
I think that this friend needs to take a timeout somehow, and seek some help. If money is the issue in some places there are human resource places that offer counceling cheap or free. She needs to get a positve support group and face these issues, realizing that this was not her fault. If the mother will not try to help her overcome these issues at this point then, maybe she should look elsewhere for a support. I think the mom should aid at least emotionaly in this recovery, and that could help with her decision on to forgive her or not.
@birthlady (5609)
• United States
23 Dec 06
Forgiving her mother will help her grow, not forgiving keeps her chained to the past. Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting, I think she should forgive her mother and move on without her.
1 person likes this
@dominican (201)
• Philippines
23 Dec 06
I think what the mother did is really unforgivable, taking the side of the step father and not considering the long term effect on you friend which is her own child. Your friend really needs to have psychological therapy to ease her problems with relationships.
1 person likes this
@MzLefty (311)
• United States
22 Dec 06
I think that someday she could forgive her mother,But it would be good if she,her mom, and her boyfriend.everyone that is directly involved in this situation except for the abuser,it appears that she needs some deep serious counseling.I wish her all of the best.
1 person likes this
@babysamsmom (26)
• Canada
23 Dec 06
I think this is one of those situations that unless you are in it yourself you really don't know what you'd do. I have learned in life that saying NEVER is a bad thing as when situations arise I act completely differently than I had planned or thought I would. I have forgiven alot more in life than I ever thought I could, so unless I was personally in that situation, I really couldn't say.
1 person likes this
