What is the worst lie your parents have ever told you in order to manipulate you
By not4me
@not4me (1711)
United States
December 22, 2006 11:12am CST
I know there are a lot of discussions on here being labeled as fake. Even though this will sound crazy, it really happened to me.
About 10 years ago I was on leave in the Marine Corps and drove my butt all the way from Florida to Southern California just to see my mom. She had physically, emotionally and sexually abused me for many years but our relationship and gotten better and she had apologized for everything she had done (this is when I was still under the illusion that staying friends with your family no matter what was the right thing to do :\) so I decided to make an impromptu trip out there to surprise her. By the time I was in Texas I couldn't stand it anymore and I called her to let her know I was on the way. She was obviously disappointed out of nowhere and said why bother because all we do is fight. I told her again that I had forgiven her and I just wanted a great Christmas with family.
So I continued out there and as soon as I step foot in her door she started swinging at me and said how much she hates me. Without any show of emotion I just picked up my bags, turned around and left for a motel so I could at least visit with my old friends. On the morning that I was to leave CA for North Carolina I gave her a courtesy call letting her know I was leaving. She cried and begged that I stop by. So I did.
She hugged me and said she was sooo sorry and that the only reason she went off on me like she did was because she had just found out that she had terminal breast cancer and was refusing any treatment. She went on about how she didn't want to hear how stupid (her own words) she is for not trying to get better...etc. I felt really bad for her and Promised to help out any way I could.
A year passed and she was FINALLY diagnosed with bi-polar disease, only after remarrying for the first time since she was 6 months pregnant with me. All this time I thought she was dying but one day on the phone she came clean, started crying again and said it was all a lie. She was so ashamed for attacking me and also for her past abuse that it was the only thing she could think of that I would like forgive her for...if that makes sense. Like if I knew she was dying I would forget about that fight and just start over with her.
Needless to say, I was super pi$$ed and didn't talk to her for years. I had decided, who wrote the rulebook about families? When she was in my life as an adult all I got out of the relationship was stress and flashback-nightmares about when she had abused me as a kid. When I cut her out of my life the stress and the nightmares went away.
A couple of years later I E-mailed her to let her know I had a new baby girl and she once again apologized and told me she was recovering from kidney cancer! I still don't know if this is true but regardless, she went off her medication and started sending me crazed E-mails about the past so once and for all I cut off our relationship. I know some religious types will think this is wrong but to be honest I don't give a flying fu_k because I had to step up and do the right thing for me and my family. Now my mom is dead to me and I am finally at peace. It was like fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. So I am done.
But that's my (long) story and I swear it is true. Bi-polar is a nasty condition and thankfully I am perfectly healthy and a great mom. Do any of you have similar stories or is my whack-job of a mom the only crazy one out there?
Thanks for the therapy in advance lol. :)
1 person likes this
22 responses
@morgan_tek (28)
• India
23 Dec 06
The worst lie my parents told me once in my life when I cleared my Pre Medical examination and they told me that your result has not been received yet. I waited and waited for long and asked my parents to go personally to the medical college (outstation) and check my result whether I have cleared or not, they again went somewhete else but not there and told me that the result is misplaced and my life changed since then. I couldn't become doctor and one close friends of my mom once told me that I had got 94% marks in PMT but since my dad was not interested to join that, they misled me that my result has been misplaced by the postman.
@not4me (1711)
• United States
23 Dec 06
I'm so sorry that happened to you! Could you not write the exam facilitators to get your results?
I'm really sorry that happened. At least with my mom, she didn't physically do something to mess with my future like that. I hope you can still pursue your dreams in the future. :)
@volschenkh (1043)
• South Africa
23 Dec 06
Wow what an incredibly sad and horific story. I am just curious to know, are you saying that because of her bi-polar condition she physically, emotionally and sexually abused you as a child? Are this often found in bi-poar people? Bi-polar is a scary human disorder but I neverknew that it leads to that kind of behaviour in parents. Is she getting any help/medication for her bi-polar disorder?
1 person likes this
@not4me (1711)
• United States
23 Dec 06
I think it is different for everyone. My mom just got so out of control with her lows that I don't think she could control herself. I don't want to generalize that act with being bi-polar. I'm sure plenty of bi-polar parents don't sexually abuse their children.
She started meds when I was about 18 and she is no longer on them. She had a little improvement while on her meds but I think she missed some dosages and during one of her attacks, rationalized that she didn't need to be on meds anymore. That was the last I heard.
@not4me (1711)
• United States
3 Jan 07
Perhaps you are right. During rare therapy sessions with her, the therapist would try to engage with her. Instead of essentially apologizing or anything she blamed me for being alive and almost all of her statements began with "I". To me that meant she was playing the victim and was looking for anything or anyone besides herself to place the blame on.
A couple years ago she sent me this crazy letter, obviously during one of her lows. My husband wanted to read it and we both laughed as we counted the "I"s. lol.
@shelonewolf1969 (486)
• United States
3 Jan 07
No I am bi polar I am nothing like this I have never laid a hand on another person nor have I done anything against the law .I am a very moral upstanding person yes I have mood swings and cycles alot of anger I take out on myself not others .
Medicine does help people that are bi polar but I wonder if people like this just blame thier disorder so they can do things they should not ....
@fiyahcreation (2140)
• United States
23 Dec 06
wow that is some B.S. I feel sorry for you, I can't think of a lie at the moment, will get back to you
1 person likes this
@Gahagan (143)
• United States
23 Dec 06
I really don't think my parents ever lied to manipulate me.
I could be wrong, but I seriously do not think Bipolar disease is linked to pediphelia. A bipolar disorder indeed affects personality, but not to the extent that it would cause one to sexually abuse a child. If I were you I'd say good riddens and I'd be glad she could no longer abuse another child.
I don't mean to disrepect you... I know she was your mother and I feel for you. But the woman you describe was a monster.
1 person likes this
@not4me (1711)
• United States
24 Dec 06
No disrespect! While growing up, my entire family knew I was being abused yet no one had the guts to help me out. In fact when I was 29, one of my cousins finally came forward and told me that she knew. She went on and on about how she had always hated my mom so much as if to make right by me now. I was aggravated (she's about 25 years older than me) but it felt good to finally hear someone agree that she was nuts.
So there's absolutely no disrespect! Talk all the sh_t you want about her lol. :)
@wednesday (113)
• Australia
3 Jan 07
My mum was also bi-polar and insanley abusive, i have learned not to feel guilty for her unhappyness, it took a while tho the worst 1 was when she told me my boyfriend at the time burnt my poetry books (it was her) then 2 days later i found out she slept with my boyfriend so I stopped talking to he for a while, after i got pregnant i decided to give he r another chance, she ended up trying to bet me up while i was holding my 6 mth old daughter, so i feel yah and dun feel the slifghtest bit guilty to not have her in your life coz the main thing is that u and your child are stable
1 person likes this
@not4me (1711)
• United States
3 Jan 07
Wow, I'm really sorry you went through all that with her. Our moms sound very similar. My mom would break my things quite often when we were fighting and while nothing she broke was as personal as a poetry journal, I can relate with you.
Oh and my mom was a very large woman and I had my father's skinny genes and that added fuel to the fire. She always started fights in front of my boyfriend and she told my high school boyfriend that she loved him in a crying fit of rage. In a way it was funny because he already knew she was nuts and I had another friend over who got to see her in all of her glory. Thankfully (understatement) my friends never judged me because of her.
@kesfylstra (1868)
• United States
22 Dec 06
Wow, I'm really sorry you went through all that, thank you for sharing so openly. I have never had a real experience with bi-polar disorder, but my sister is a social worker and works with many people who have destroyed them and the people around them, like it sounds your mother has. Even being a "religious type" I think it is perfectly acceptable, and best, for you to end your relationship with you mother. You have your family to protect now, and that is your highest priority.
1 person likes this
@not4me (1711)
• United States
22 Dec 06
Sorry - I didn't mean to sound so bitter when I said "religious type". Die-hard Christians have told me I'm wrong and that the Bible says I should forgive my mom no matter what. But in my opinion there is only so much I could take and I have to take care of me so I can be stable and happy for my own family.
Thanks for getting that lol. :)
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
22 Dec 06
Wow, she sure put you through alot. I think you did the right thing, if only to keep your own sanity. It is sad that it came to this, but if she will not take her meds., it is about the only thing you can do.
1 person likes this
@not4me (1711)
• United States
22 Dec 06
Thanks for that. :) Even though I'm so angry (I try every day not to be), I really do feel sorry for her. It took having kids of my own to feel this way because I look at my girls and I couldn't imagine being sick enough to hurt them, so she must have been really sick in the head. Like she new it was wrong but she couldn't control it.
@alchemistrx (2547)
• Philippines
23 Dec 06
It's acceptable since your mon have psychological disease and we must understand too.But it's crazy I think.
1 person likes this
@emisle (3822)
• Ireland
23 Dec 06
Wow if my mum had done that to me i would have cut her out of my life. And if i had tried to forgive her only for her to tell me she had cancer when she didn't, than i defo don't think i'd ever speak to her again!
i admire you for being so forgiving and for being able to move on, you're a much better person than i am..:)
1 person likes this
@swaminarayan (1280)
• India
23 Dec 06
the biggest worst told to me by my partner is that she hate spicy foods as i so it's no problem
1 person likes this
@gajodhar_pande (274)
• India
23 Dec 06
i don;t really remember
but...........
their lies didnt hurt me ever
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@harivinod (781)
• India
23 Dec 06
i feel sorry to u my friend. but i did not face this problem till now.
@amitheone (274)
• Philippines
23 Dec 06
When I was small, they told me that santa cluas was coming to give me gifts so I better hang up my socks at the door. Next morning came, I checked the socks, and there was something in there. I got excited but all I got was candies. It's not halloween yet!! I was furious because I have wished for a game and watch toy!! What a lie!! lolz
1 person likes this
@nana1944 (1364)
• United States
23 Dec 06
I am so sorry she put you thru that kind of stuff. I worked in a psychward before I had to quit due to a physical injury. It was one of the hardest jobs to work and you lose some of youself in the process. Just as you have but I am glad you are such a good mother to your little ones. I worked taking care of a lot of bi-polar people and it is hard on the families. You may never know whether the cancer story is true or not. But you can not dwell on whether or not you were right or not in not believing her. I am sure you made the right decision. God bless you and your family.
@teenal (1400)
• Dublin, Ireland
22 Dec 06
How sad for you to have to go through all this. At least you now realise that the abuse was not aimed at you as such. It was comming from a very ill person who will continue to be ill for the rest of her life. As you said it is when we have our own little ones we see where perhaps our parents were lacking and what was personal to you from your mother and very hurtfull at the time as you didnt understand it is now seen for what it is- the rantings of a very ill person. At least you can move away from the situation and keep her and her disorder out of your life and your childrens lives if you want to. She on the other hand cant get away from this. In hindsight when you realise that her behavior isnt that of a mother but a sick person you may be able to forget it an move on wothout anger. Good luck to you.
@natuser28 (907)
• United States
22 Dec 06
Son! "Yes dad",i respond. You know your mother and i love you very much and will do anything for you. You can come and talk to us about anything. "Sure dad", i replied. Is it ok if i could get a brand new car for my 16th birthday? me. Sure son as long as you get good grades you can get anything you want. 12 years have gone by and i'm still waiting.
1 person likes this
@WebMann (4731)
• Canada
4 Jan 07
Sorry I just have to respond to this.
I have been told a lot of lies over the years by many different foster parents but the fact that I could go blind playing with myself was the best.
I do however need to get my glasses adjusted every once in a while but other than that I still have my site.
I really do remember taking some time to think if I was going to do it any more but the urge was just to great at the time.
This is a true story that I have even told my son.
@kiwimac (323)
• New Zealand
12 Jan 07
Time to forgive your mom (if possible) is when she is on her medications and is stablised. All the wile, remembering that all she has to do is stop taking them to go back to what she was.
Bipolar is difficult, when they are up they feel fine and stop their meds and when they are down they are unbearable.
No easy answers, my suggestion is to take this slowly. Find out if there is any common ground with your mum ONCE SHE IS STABLE.
@not4me (1711)
• United States
12 Jan 07
Unfortunately she hasn't been on her meds in over 4 years but the last time she was on them was when we tried to get along. I feel like if she got on her meds again it would just start the cycle all over again. I think I would need to see her on meds for at least a year before I would try to include her to protect both myself and my family.
Thanks for the advice!
