My family members are mad at me!
By mamashane
@mamashane (1140)
United States
December 24, 2006 10:46pm CST
We have our family gathering on Christmas Eve every year, it's written in stone, everyone HAS to be there! Well my kids and my husband have all come down sick with coughs and sinus problems. My 4 year old has pink eye which is extreamly contagious. Everyone feels like crap! We're all achey and all the kids want to do is sleep. Well I called my dad and my grandmother and told them that we were not going to make it to the party because I didn't want to spread around this illness to everyone. I'm especially concerned about giving it to my grandmother who is 89 years old and not in the greatest health! My grandmother understood and thanked me. We had a nice conversation on the phone. My dad came over to my house tonight after the party was over and he was on his way home. He griped at me for not being there. All my kids are coughing and hacking and he's standing there telling me that I should have taken them and that he was pissed cuz I didn't take my kids to the party, like I was taking something away from them. He made it sound like I ruined Christmas for my kids. I just have such a hard time trying to get through to him. I feel that if the kids are sick then we better stay home and not spread the germs around....am I wrong for thinking that way?
8 people like this
61 responses
@deebomb (15304)
• United States
25 Dec 06
You did the right thing in not takeing your sick family to this Christmas party. You would have infected every one there. Your father is not very understanding. Could he possibly be angry for something else?
@mamashane (1140)
• United States
25 Dec 06
I'm not sure, maybe he's under alot of stress from the holidays. That's what I'd like to think.
1 person likes this
@ExoticEgyptian (299)
• United States
25 Dec 06
you did the right thing, Im sure he was just upset because he didnt get to see the kids. but I'm sure he will understand, maybe when he sees how sick your kids are and maybe they (the kids) should let him know that they were really sick and didnt wanna go to the party either. its ok, as a mother, I think you did the right thing. dont worry! merry christmas to you and your family!!
@GardenGerty (160464)
• United States
25 Dec 06
You expressed a very generous attitude saying that perhaps your dad is just under stress. Kindness and generosity cost you nothing, and if the kids hear you doing that, then you are giving them a wonderful life lesson. I agree that you are right in staying home. Sometimes we miss parties, sometimes we miss school, sometimes we miss work, but if we do not stay home when we are sick, others suffer as well. At one point over 30% of the students in the school where I work were out sick. I am sure some of that was from parents going ahead and giving them meds and sending them, those ailments spread rapidly.
2 people like this
@mamashane (1140)
• United States
25 Dec 06
Thank you and Merry Christmas to you too!
2 people like this
@amafrias (455)
• United States
26 Dec 06
My daughter is in Kindergarten, and when she is sick, she stays home. She has never been sick so much in her life as since she started school. Well, when they are absent the school automatically calls, and they told me that if she was not burning up with fever to send her anyway. I said, "well, now I know why she is sick all of the time." They encourage the parents to send their sick children to school. I think this is outrageous. Anyway, I totally agree with you and the discussion starter. I do not think we should force our children to go out sick, nor should we force whatever they have on others. I think "Dad" just got a little set in his ways about tradition, and missed them. Hope everyone had a wonderful day today.
1 person likes this
@Aali311 (6112)
• United States
25 Dec 06
You know you are grown and you make the best decisions for your family, don't let anyone make you feel bad about that, stand up for yourself, what you say is final and that's that. Too bad is daddy doesn't like it, he'll learn to live with it. You did the right thing.
2 people like this
@ummhasna (70)
• United States
4 Jan 07
aali311 is right you are grown im a mother and you did what you had to do i would have done the same thing your grandmother is so understanding your dad sound stubborn and if you would have sent those poor kids to your family house your dad would have gotten sick and he would have blame you can't win for losing
1 person likes this
@LovingIt (5396)
• United States
25 Dec 06
Have you skipped out on family things before or have you done something that would make your dad think that maybe you were lying about not being able to make it to the party? I know that you did the right thing, but it sounds like that for some reason your dad didn't believe you.
I know my daughter was married to a man that didn't want to go to our family functions and didn't want her to go. She would sometimes make excuses not to go, just to cover for him. Even if she'd had a valid reason for not going, I might have suspected she was lying. I'm not saying this was the case with you, I'm just playing devil's advocate here and trying to make some sense out of what your dad did for you. Is there someone else that has done this in the past and maybe he's afraid now that you are doing this, even though you aren't?
I know this doesn't make you feel any better, I'm just trying to help you figure out what is going on.
@mamashane (1140)
• United States
26 Dec 06
I apreciate your response. I can see what you're talking about. First let me try and explain how big of a deal Christmas is for my dad...He's always made a huge fuss over this holiday. He goes all out for the kids. Even when we were growing up, 6 kids under one roof, I don't remember a single christmas where there wasn't a pile of gifts a mile high under and around the tree. And he's never been a rich man or anything. He made sure we had fun too, the party, the food, friends, everything. It's just a big deal to him. Now that all of us kids are grown with families of our own, my dad hasn't slowed down any but now we have Christmas at my house because I'm centrally located for all the family to travel. This year though, my grandmother just hasn't been doing too well and she did not want to go out for christmas so we all decided that we would have christmas at her house. We all pitched in on the cooking and everything else so she wouldn't have to lift a finger, we just wanted her to relax and enjoy herself. Well, my family cancelled cuz the kids are sick. This is the first time I've ever cancelled a family get together, like I said, they are usually at my house. I can understand where your daughter is coming from. My husband doesn't get along with my dad very well and they avoid eachother but when it comes to family get togethers, they seem to put their differences aside. Even if my hubby refused to go, I will still take the kids, that's his problem if he didn't want to go. I appreciate your insight! Merry Christmas to you and your family!
1 person likes this
@uvbnskoold (499)
• Canada
25 Dec 06
No, you're right. It's wrong that he scolded you... you've done nothing wrong. I'd have done the same exact thing. I would have told off my dad if he pulled something like that though. Luckily I have a really laid back father and don't have to worry about that kind of thing.
Coming from someone who has chronic sinusitisus, I would be more like your grandmother... appreciative. They are so contagious... and pink eye is worse.
Stand up for yourself and don't take his crap. Remind him that you've done your family a favour by not showing and that obviously you would have gone if it was possible.
Merry Christmas (don't let it ruin yours!!)
2 people like this
@mamashane (1140)
• United States
25 Dec 06
Thanks, I won't let it ruin our Christmas. I just needed to vent I think. Merry Christmas to you too!
@mfibong (138)
• Singapore
26 Dec 06
no, you're not wrong..you only did the right thing..your kids are sick and they need to rest..if you bring them to the party, their health might just worsen..maybe your dad expected too much that he will see his grandchildren in the party..and because he didn't, he got disappointed..i'm sure your dad's behavior after the party was just an impulsive reaction driven by disappointment..he loves your kids right?..later he will also realize that he made a mistake in reacting that way...
@KaHathaway (189)
• United States
25 Dec 06
I was hospitalized on early morning christmas eve, released mid afternoon of christmas day and had to drive myself back to my sister's place. When I got home they dumped the sick six month old on me and all left since I was too sick to go. They also have me administering to the baby medication that I am deathly allergic to.
I join you in the "My family lost their minds during the holidays" club
1 person likes this
@mamashane (1140)
• United States
25 Dec 06
I'm so sorry to hear you've been sick. That was pretty low of your family to do. Thanks for the membership into the club!
@ainpat (279)
•
25 Dec 06
You're a loving,caring person, that's why you don't like other members of your family to get sick as for your dad pray for him let the Holy spirit let him know that you care and let understand and not to be frustrated about this matter, anyway these not the only christmas, theres' plenty of christmas will come.
2 people like this
@nascar8fan (742)
• United States
26 Dec 06
I think you did the right thing too. You wouldn't want to get anyone else sick and that is understandable. I actually went through that last year. My youngest son was sick and I had to stay home with him instead of going to my cousin's on Christmas eve like we always do. But, noone was upset with me. They all understood. This yaer I missed Christmas at my cousins because I had to work....
@valmiki9 (1171)
• India
25 Dec 06
He is selfish and has no consideration for others difficulties. such aperson celebrating christmas is to satisfy his own selfishness. Jesus came to spread love in this world and on his birth day your dad was scolding you and making you cry.for no valid reason . You are a mother and you have the welfare of every one at heart. Your dad is astone hearted man. do not celebrate christmas with him.
1 person likes this
@qiaofang88 (126)
• China
25 Dec 06
We cannt choose our relatives, thank god we can choose our friends.
1 person likes this
@mamashane (1140)
• United States
25 Dec 06
We can not choose who our parents are and being a christian, I have forgiven him. I love him none the less.
@MentalPanic (227)
• Sri Lanka
25 Dec 06
Nope not wrong at all from u. You did what was best for all around. Anyway your father ..take it with a little smile he did miss u all ;) I think he had worser feelings with this then u had ;)
2 people like this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
25 Dec 06
Hey mamashane :) So sorry that your family is ill for the holiday -- I've had that happen many times, too, and there's just nothing you can do but try to get everyone back on their feet. I have video after video of Christmas mornings where my older daughter is so congested that you can hardly understand what she's saying!
You absolutely did the right thing not attending the family gathering. The people who may get mad and tell you that you should have gone anyway are the same people who go to work when they are sick, rather than staying home and helping to prevent the spread throughout the workplace. No one is a martyr for leaving the house that way!
I'm sure your father was disappointed that his grandchildren weren't at the party (I'm assuming that other family members probably had their grandkids there?) but he needs to understand that you know what is best for your family... and why on earth he would want everyone exposed to pink eye and all the rest, I don't know!!
Try your best to have a good holiday with just your own family, in pjs with hot soup or whatever it takes... don't let others bring you down. You have enough to deal with right now and you have every right to call the game on account of sick.
Take care now!
1 person likes this
@mamashane (1140)
• United States
25 Dec 06
Thanks for that comment! We did sit around in our pj's all day yesterday! All 4 of my kids and my husband are sick, I'm not sick so I'm taking care of them all. I spent the day making homemade chicken soup for them and dispensing cold medicine! I also let the kids open some gifts early just so they would have something to play with and to cheer them up a bit cuz they were bummed that they couldn't go to the party but they totaly understood why and were ok with it. Anyways, Merry Christmas to you and yours!
@mamashane (1140)
• United States
25 Dec 06
morelo, you just copied that from uvbnskooled. Do you really think that no one would notice? I reported you...you're a cheat!
@clark16 (375)
• Philippines
25 Dec 06
You just dd the right thing. We'll maybe your father get angry because Christmas is very special for him and it's the day he wanted to be with his grandchildren with the whole family. He just missed out this once a year opportunity for him. But, I know that your family is sick, their situation might be worse if you'll going to let them go there. So, maybe the best thing you can do is to celebrate christmas again with your dad after your family got well.
2 people like this
@michelle28 (10)
• United States
26 Dec 06
Kudos to you! You did the right thing and you did not ruin Christmas for your kids. Of course, your family missed you and I'm sure you missed them! But staying away showed just how much you cared for your family and your children. Had you gone, you (and everybody else) would have ended up miserable and probably sick, too. Dads are always going to gripe - it's what they do. It's possible that he is beginning to feel the pressure of less time to spend with his family as he gets older. That seems to be a big issue with my father these days. Maybe call him when everyone is feeling better and get together for a family meal.
2 people like this
@kgwat70 (13388)
• United States
25 Dec 06
You definitely did the right thing and stay home with your family and make sure they were okay and not to get anyone else sick. Your dad was wrong in his behavior and treatment of you and he should have been understanding of the situation. If everyone is sick, they should be home resting. Pink eye is contagious and I think that you are wonderful for thinking of your grandmother and your family that way. Very good decision on your part.
@magdollars23 (1685)
• United States
25 Dec 06
Your family should understand but I do think when you are all back into regular health maybe you should have a family gathering at your home or something as to make up for your not being there.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160464)
• United States
25 Dec 06
When your dad is in a more reasonable state of mind, remind him that he raised you to be respnsible, and caring, and that is what you were, by not exposing everyone. He raised a smart daughter, and he should be proud of you. it might have been easier to cave in to family pressure. Merry Christmas.
1 person likes this
@mamashane (1140)
• United States
25 Dec 06
Thanks for all of your GREAT responses! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and your family.
@qiaofang88 (126)
• China
25 Dec 06
I am sorry for that, I think u r right. If you cann't feel well, how could you make yourselves be happy at the Xmas party? If you brought your kids there, not only be bad for your kids, but also possible to spoil the party. Anyone who is wise couldn't do that things. I hope your family get better soon and merry Xmas.
1 person likes this
@missy1 (104)
•
25 Dec 06
normally i would say that no matter how much your family annoys you grin and bear it,it's only for one day and people aren't around forever,but if your kids are sick and need to stay at home thats what you've gotta do,they come first.maybe you could go round to your family just to show willing and when the crazy season is over they'll see you did what was right.christmas freaks us all out and we say things in the heat of the moment,your family love you and i dont think that will stop over this.
1 person likes this
@mamashane (1140)
• United States
25 Dec 06
Yeah, I'm hoping that my dad was just under some stress. Hopefully he'll come around and understand.
@feliciamimmi22 (101)
• Ireland
25 Dec 06
I think you did the right thing staying at home, and I do noit understand why your father could not see that. If your children and husband are sick, they need to be home and rest. When they are feeling better, you could maybe go and visit with the rest of the family?
1 person likes this
@mamashane (1140)
• United States
25 Dec 06
I thought about going to visit Grandma with all the kids and take the gifts over there when they are all feeling better.
