Is it evil to feel strong animosity towards your own mother?

i'm so sorry to hear that sbeauty. all i can say is, if it's better for you to stay away from her to avoid being hurt like that, then do so. if being with her, even for few moments, would just make you cry, feel sad, and feel animosity towards her, then don't be with her. maybe in this situation, simple cards with good words and wishes would be the best way to keep you in touch especially during special occasions like christmas. it's sad to not see one's mother or be with her, but if being with her will just push both of you farther away from each other, then it's better not to. just keep the connection in some other way. anyway, i wish you feel better now. enjoy the rest of the holidays and may you have peace and more blessings in the coming new year :)

communication..that's the best solution i think both of you should do..why don't you try to have a serious talk with your mother?..do not let your temper hit you if she still shows hostility..try to let her know about how you feel on how she treats you and about how your relationship as mother and daughter goes..perhaps, she just got used to treat you that way because she never heard your real feelings..maybe for her, treating you that way is one of her outlet to her other problems..and she doesn't realize yet that she's already hurting you bad because you never tell her your feelings..in the success of any relationship, communication is always among the most important element..

Just out of curiosity, what is the relationship like between your daughter and her? My mom has always treated me like a child and I'm close to your age, so I have no advice for you. My mother is a really controlling person and everything has to be done her way for her to be happy and then she's not really happy. I suspect your mom is the same way?

If i'm honest, i think she's a negative influence in your life, and if you never speak to her again i don't think it would necessarily be a bad thing. I know you probably love your mother, but she keeps dragging you down and she sounds like a really unreasonable and nasty person. You may crave approval from your mother, but what you should do is focus on having the best relationship with your own daughter that you can possibly have. If your mother is not big enough, and too proud to say sorry, than i don't see why you should make any move towards reconciling things, i know i wouldn't. And it's not because i'm a stubborn person, i have no problem admitting that i'm wrong, but if you keep having to bridge the gap than it's not a healthy relationship. Good luck..:)

I'm very sorry you're going through all this. I was blessed to have parents who made it clear to me that they loved me and I'm very grateful for that. I hope things improve for you somehow. My opinion on this is that we're to honor our parents. That can be particularly difficult when their actions aren't honorable. But what does it mean to honor your parents? I believe it means to treat them with love and respect, to cherish them, to help them financially if they need it, to be there for them, to help them around the house if they need it, to run errands for them, to help with yardwork, etc. I also think it means to try to understand them and sometimes to just shut our mouths..even if we know we're right. The commandment to honor our mother and father doesn't say "Honor thy father andmother if they're good to you" or "Honor thy father and mother if they honor you first". We're to honor them, period. But I also believe that sometimes the best way to honor someone is to limit contact with them. That might be the case in your situation. If you can't honor your mother, even if it's because of your past and how she's treated you, perhaps you need to step back and remove yourself from her for awhile. It doesn't have to be permanent and like I said, that action might even be a form of honoring her. But there's no need for you to be miserable because of her. I doubt that she's going to change now, after all these years. Have you ever tried telling her, in peace-not anger, how you feel about all of this? If not, that might be something to consider. Again, I doubt that she'll change now but one never knows!

I'm 54 and your relationship with your Mother sounds like a photo copy of mine with my Mother. She would ask me why my laugh sounded fake. She would fly off the handle with me for no apparent reason. I also was a crier and was scared to defend myself. I realize now, after losing her to Cancer in 1996, that she had a chemical imbalance. I found myself being the same way she was about 6 years ago. My Doctor put me on Zoloft and my family loves being around me now. I just wish I had known when she was alive what was wrong with her. Although, I probably couldn't have convinced her that something was wrong. LOL She was really hard headed. I have 2 brothers that got along with her fine. They would just listen and then do what they wanted and she didn't seem to go off on them as much. Of course they didn't want to be around her very often. God love her. My advice is to try and be yourself and if you feel yourself being ugly to people, go to your Doctor, Therapist or someone for help. Especially if she won't get help. Good Luck, I know what you're feeling. As all things do, this feeling will pass, at least for the time being.

I'm not in very good relations with my mother, but it's totally different, my mother just want me growing like what she hopes, but I dont want to do that, I want to do what I want, so, we quarrel about that frequently. but, I can understand my mother is out of good intention. so, I just cant understand what kind of people you mother are, my suggestion is to leave her alone, maybe looking in her once or twice in a year would be good for everbody.

What I learned with one of my ex b/f's families, is that some people have no business having children. For some people, maternal/paternal instincts just don't cut it. If you've already told her that she hurts your feelings, then you don't need to re-hash them. You're not going to make her see or change her mind by yelling or screaming...it seems that that's been done already (too much). The kinder thing would be to just back off and accept that she's just not good at the "mothering thing". I wouldn't say that she's a "bad mommy" because that's just a negative connotation which immediately invokes negative feelings. Try to accept that she's just not good at it, rather than that she chooses to be bad at it. And some people know that they're not good at it and it discourages them, and they turn to bad behaviour to cover it up. For instance, some people are uncomfortable hugging, so they distance themselves or act as if they don't care so that they won't be in the position to have to hug. I feel so badly for you, because ever since I lost my mom, I'm always concerned that all of my friends have a good relationship with their mothers. In your case, it is probably best to have very little communication, just sending her cards and gifts on the appropriate remembrance days. My mother (or my family) wasn't the touchy-feely type, and was always quick to interject that disapproving smart alec remark. She just couldn't seem to control her mouth at times, I guess, and I just came to accept that and nothing she said ever hurt me again. I knew that it was just her defense reaction. I love my mom, but I regret that I never (that I can recall) told her that I love her. In your cards you can tell your mom that you love her, and by not insisting on the holiday visits, you can alleviate hostilities. I wish you peace in your heart. Aloha!

Oh man, Ya know My Mother, and Grandmother are the same way together, as she is to me... It seems to be a heridatary thing in our family... You need to learn how to take it personal... You mom is going to do what she does just to assert she is still mom... My Mother does the same thing. I lover her, but man do we war... - DNatureofDTrain

This is a hard situation. We are to honor our parents both mother and father no matter what but they are not supposed to provoke us to wrath either. There is something in your mother that makes her treat you as she does. Something that may have happened to her when you were not even yet born. or when you were small. She is also elderly and elderly people have even less tolerance. She sounds rather selfish and sometimes we have to accept that. You need to honor her and love her but you need not respect her. Respect and honor are not the same thing. Honor is like her wishes of burial and where she chooses to live and even not bothering her. But respect has to be earned and she has not earned your respect because she has been cruel to you. Just tell her when she is nasty and screams at you that you love her too. Keep saying it. This will bother her more than anything. Do not try to please her just try to get along as best you can. Do not placate her. When she gets nasty tell her your sorry that you upset her. You have to be bigger than her and love her even if she does not return the same too you. Forgive her for the small minded person she is. Something or someone hurt her and she takes it out on you. You remind her of someone or something. Try and find out what it is and work through it if you can.

I have a very volitile relationship with my mother, she is hateful and I refuse to have it around me or my daughter. It's a very tough decision to make but you have to step back and ask yourself if this is how you want to spend the rest of your/her life. We are taught that we are supposed to love and honor our mothers yet many forget to tell the mothers that they are supposed to love and encourage their children. You would not tolerate this behavior from someone who is not related to you, then you should not tolerate from her either.

Our moms could be sisters! What is it about moms and daughters, anyway?? I am 45 and still feel like a child with my mom. Although she doesn't scream at me, she loves to pick and pester until things result into a healthy fight. Then she screams and yells. I'm a crier too...my coping mechanisms are this: I smile and nod a lot, I remember that soon I will get to return to my home turf, or if she's at my house, it's temporary. I believe it is her problem. We, my family, see it at seasonal, it comes and goes. She has had some tough blows, and I think she plays those to keep the sympathy coming her way. She likes to control and manipulate, which I think could come from her being the baby of seven siblings. Yeah, it's tough...but, you (and I)are a grown woman with children, responsibilities. Just remember, most of the "stuff" is her problem, it's temporary, and then return to your happy life!

Wow. That's alot of time past by, but ican understand y u won't talk to her now.It's tough, now u have a adopted mother?

After reading your blog, i think, its not evilness, its natural to react like that, but then, always keep the love... My situation is worst than u. I tried my best to please my mom, give her everything she wanted, so that at least she will give me a little space in her life. But, to my dismay, my mom says "Why do u always insist urself to me, you know from the start, that u dont have any space in my life, and i will never ever like nor love you." After that incident, i decided to leave, be on my own. But, i wont forget the way she treated me. Aw, i forgot, my mom cheated me with money, then after knowing that, and confronted her, she told me those nasty things.

I think you need to get over it. I'm having the same troubles with my father. He is rude, egoistic, he thinks he is always right, he thinks he is the only one who deserves to be ill etc. But I think we have accepted far more than we can handle and since they don't back off, then we have to let ourselves free of them. Learn not to hear her. Give her the cold shoulder for once. Let her down for true now. Don't invite her, don't call her. And if you do, be cold as ice cube and typical like she is a stranger. Maybe she will realise what she had lost and come to her sences.

Why is it that we need our mother's approval and we never get over the need for a mom no matter how old we get. I symathize so much with you. My own mother was never a mother to me. She never raised me but when I was grown 7 had my children she expected to be called mom and grandmother. The things that make a mom were never in her. I know that the bible says to honor our parents. But just who is our parents. The people who raised us? The bible also say parents ore not to vex their children. In your case I would say that maybe you can honor her by staying out of her life as much as possible. and being kind to heer when you do have to see her. Do you know what her mother waaaslike to her. That might give you some insight into her relationship with you.

I am sorry for your plight. But actually mothers want to see their daughters strong so that they can feel proud of them. They consider daughters as their reprints if the reprint is weak they hate it.For once stop treating your mother as mother but treat her as friend and then you will see the difference.

You have no obligation to allow yourself to be treated badly by anybody. If she can't treat you with respect, then cut her off. She may be your mother but she has no right to treat you like a punching bag. Serously. I wouldn't interact with her ever again.

I don't think there is a good answer to this problem...it is so sad.....you mother should be your closest friend and relative..... I think you should kindly talk to her...in private....and ask her what did you do to upset her....even if she shouts at you....you have to know,maybe there are things that you do not know that make her mad or keep her like this all the time.

Try as much as you can to continue pleased her,you need to understand her in terms of what she like and what she doesn't like,also you need to know when to get close to her and when not to,try to do something different for her maybe by doing some shopping for her,ask her what she want you to do for her,by saying mom is there anything you will like me to do for you or help you with, with a (soft voice) listen to her respond if her respond is positive fine you can then go ahead and do what she want,but if her respond is negative then you will need to sit her down and ask her what is wrong i believe as a good mother she should be able to tell you something.