Raising Teenagers

morelo - since that is an exact copy of part of my response up the page a bit - you've been reported

I find it interesting that you have labeled this as the rebellious stage. I don't tend to view it that way. I choose to not see him as rebelling as I define rebelling as a purposeful defiance. I don't take personally his choices or decisions. He is not doing it "to" me! He is trying out his wings, questioning his inherited beliefs, and figuring out his place in this world. After all this is how I raised him. It just becomes trying when he questions me! After all I am mom and I don't think I intended for him to question me when I taught him to question life. LOL.... I actually LOVE this time. It is the time of major growth in him, but also in me. He is teaching me how to parent to a degree. My paradigm shift from teacher to coach. I am grateful we have an open discussion on everything. I am very cautious to my reactions to what he shares with me. For I know the wrong reaction will shut down the discussions in a heartbeat. I love being mom!

You'll do yourself good learning about the law of attraction. Don't be scared out of your mind, you just may go there. You can handle it because if you set the expectation for your girls to transition through that time smoothly and effortless so will you. I am telling you, get the book the law of attraction. I prefer the one by Jerry and Ester Hicks, but there have been many books written on the topic.

If you tend to continue expecting her to be a drama queen, it will get worse. Embrace her and choose to view her in a positive light and you can reduce the impact of her teen years on you...lol good luck

Thank you. I am on my first teenage boy of 3. A great resource...

It is difficult when they don't listen. In our home we limit Video games, computer, and TV. If we didn't our boys would choose nothing else. My 13 year old is the worst though, he can sit in there 15 hours if we let him. What we did though is have a family meeting which is really just an intelligent conversation about how he feels always in front of a screen. We just had this conversation a couple weeks ago, because it usually evolves. So we talked about addiction and how too much of anything isn't healthy. We identified what we tend to do too much of. This assisted my son in wanting to figure out ways to assist us in our concerns. He got into problem solver mode and we allowed him to assist us, and then he allowed us to assist him. My son admits that he feels sad, sleepy, and has low energy when he spends too much time on the games and he is forced to come off. We talked about how to deal with that. Talked about choices, and then asked his opinion on how to help himself. He said when we limit the # of hours, he obsesses about it. He would rather have days when he doesn't play at all instead of just an hour or 2. We talked about what other things he wants to explore that he feels he doesn't have the time to explore. Acting was one of the things he felt he didn't have time for. As a direct result of the conversation, he limited himself to computer time for 3 hours every other day. All day on Sat. and nothing on Sunday. Because it is his choice, he feels great about it. He also auditioned for a production company and got a part in a play. He decided to take a couple hip hop dance classes at the Y and they have a new strength training program that he is excited to start in Jan. This is all HIS doing. He feels now he has more time to pursue other interests. He is excited. Sure there are still days when he gets pissy to get off the game in 3 hours, when he is right in the middle of something or doesn't want to stop, but I just assist him in reinforcing what HE said he wanted. I am now the coach. He made his own choices. It works very effectively. You'd be surprised!

I was a rotten teenager myself. Never got in trouble with the law, however it really was because I didn't get caught. For me, in my life, I spent my entire life without rules. My parents never stuck to what they said, (I was adopted and had parents that waited until they were 40 for children and just showered me with love an stuff) That was the worst thing they could have done. I was a spoiled brat. Well, when I hit 13 all hell broke loose and I did whatever I wanted to do. I didn't do it TO them, I I did it in spite of them. I wasn't thinking about them AT ALL. At that point they tried to put the reigns on me, and it was just too late. My entire childhood I would beg for chores, rules, and wanted more structure. They never gave it to me. I am proud to say that even though I didn't have rules, I was being raised right. With lots of love. I am now married with 3 sons of my own and my parents are very involved in my life. I am the one they turn to now. I used to take care of them out of guilt for how I treated them. That wasn't healthy for me. I now care for them out of love. If you are confident you raised her right, with lots of love, she'll come back. But the harder you push her, the harder she will push back. If you acknowledge she didn't have the best childhood, you made plenty of mistakes, she saw things children shouldn't have to see, then I would suggest seeking out professional help for you and her. Heal the past and acknowledge where you went wrong. Healing will go a long way...

Your son sounds well balanced. My son tends to not be balanced unless I force him to make other choices. In an earlier response I explained what I mean by that. I am hoping that his new found free time will result in the interest of other activities. Good luck to you and yours.

Isn't that the truth....especially true for the first one. Then you slowly learn with each subsequent child to not rush the walking talking thing.... My 3rd child didn't walk until he was 1 1/2 years old....lol just joking!

What country are you from? You parenting style is much like my own. We have rules though and I expect them to be followed and generally speaking they are. We set the rules in a family meeting and discuss the rules and the need for them. Then when he decides he wants to not follow the rules, I call him on his character or integrity. Then at the next family meeting we discuss why he felt the need to go against the rules he agreed too. If we find that the rule is no longer applicable or necessary, we rewrite the rules that he feels he can follow. Not lower the bar, just rethinking why the rule was in place to begin with. We find that this is an effective technique because then he gets to make the decisions logically that align with what he wants out of life. He knows that the rules are rules he rationally thought of and accepted and they become his moral and ethical markers. When he is in a situation that may involve his peers, his choices are already made because he logically thought of what he would do, or wants. My favorite saying is "it isn't how you act when someone is watching, it is how you act when no one is". We live by that.