My Step daughter is trying to tear us apart

My husband has come along way in the years I have known him. Which is the reason that she hates me. She moved in with us and wanted to control everything when she was 11. I put my foot down and refused stating that it wasn't healthy. She made my children miserable to the point that they refused to come out of there rooms when she was around. I finally told my husband that if he didn't despline her and didn't stop giving her everything she wanted she would have to move back to her mom's. He left with her and got his own apartment. Then he realized she was using him and she was becoming unbearable. He moved back in with me and her with her mother. Since then she has tried alot of things to tear us apart. I think I might tell him what she said after I get pregnant in front of her. So that he can see how vicious she is.

u know i think u betta say it sooner than later for who know wat all crazie thingss she might try.....

Thank you it's nice to hear that there might be a light at the end of the tunnel. She is almost 16 and I don't know if she will ever come around but the other kids to get along great and are happy to have another addition to the family.

I am afraid she has already turned into the selfish cruel person. She has no regard for anybodys feelings. Not even her siblings. She has been this way since I have know her 6 years. She just gets worse with age. I have talked to my husband and he has told her our decision is not going to change because of what she has said. She is not talking to her father now. He in return has cut out her extra funding. Stating that if she doesn't want to have anything to do with him then we are not giving her any extras till she learns to behave. He still gives her mom child support but he use to give her all kinds of money and anything else she asked for. I think he has made a great break through in seeing what is happening.

To late my other step daughter told her father. She is 9 and as sweet as button. I guess her sister and her got into a fight because she over heard what was said to me. So she told her dad. He just talked to me about it. We are having our baby. He said we need to sit down and talk to her and she needs to either behave or not come around. I am on cloud nine. Although I did not want the other children involved. I think it worked out better because he just realized that she would hurt her own sister with her words to get her way. Now she can't deny the accusations.When he asked me I told him everything and started crying because i was scared. He then told me how he found out. I got on the phone with my 9 year old step daughter she was also crying she wants the baby and was worried. We both drove down and held her in our arms and told her not to worry that we would have the baby. It was the greatest moment. I felt a weight lifted knowing he would stand by me even if she walks away. We tried to talk to our 15 year old she refused. Stating she hates us both, My husband for the first time replied then forget about all the money since you hate us there also be no trip that is paid for by us till she straighten out. She yelled at him and stormed away stating that he wouldn't. On the way home he stated that he was serious and would not put up with it anymore. I really hope that she comes around although she has done a lot to hurt me she is still a child and I want her in our lives. We both love her but maybe now we can get her the help she needs without tearing ourselves apart. Thank you everybody for all the advice.

The reason she hates me is because I act like a parent and she has never had that and since her dad acts more like a parent then a friend she blames me. She liked all the money and the ability to do as she pleased when she wanted and that is were all the problems are arising from. I will not tolerate it under my roof. I do not allow my children to run wild and find it unacceptable for a 15 year old to do the same. She has been like this since I met her and she was 10. He left because he felt guilty and could not handle her being unhappy. I wrote him a letter basically to let him know that if this is what he choose because he could not make her follow rules then I hope one day he would be happy with his decision because I would not be there when she deserted him. He must have discussed it with her because he showed up in tears saying that I was right and she was out of control and going back to her mother's he knows that he is partly to blame as wells as her mum. I agree she needs a good spanking and put in her place but it should have been done when she was 10.

I have always been open and honest with my husband. I am afraid that he will not want to have a baby if she threatens him. I might be wrong. I am just scared. We have gone through a lot and the surgery was very painful for us to just throw it away because she is spoiled. Also the other kids are excited about it. What drives anh almost adult to say something that cruel on christmas? I was always taught to respect and treat people with care not be mean to them. That is what I am also trying to teach my children but how do you do that if you give just one child everything she wants when you know her actions are wrong?

I agree with you a 100%. It's great that you have the support of your x. Her mother I believe is the cause of a lot of our problems with my step daughter. Our other children are great together and we treat them equally when one disrepects us we correct it. For some reason with her my husband has a hard time because she is very manipulative. The other kids know and respect both of us. They know the rules and abide by them. When she isn't around we are all great together. When she is around it's a battle ground not just the tension between me and my husband but between her and the other kids. Including her siblings. It sounds like your are doing all the right things with your kids. I just have to figure out how to make it work with my step daughter for her fathers sake. If that is ever possible.

I understand the whole threat thing because all the children went through it in the beginning. But it has been 6 years of this and she hasn't out grown it. She is almost 16. We use to be close till she tried to get me to choose between my own daughter and her. When I refused she turned on me and it just keeps getting worse as she gets older.

I have told her that I love her and tried doing special things with her so that she feels wanted. We even went to family counseling together. But if she doesn't get her way she lashes out and the things she wants to do are unhealthy and in my point of view unacceptable. Like when she moved in things got really bad because she told me she didn't want my daughter around that I had to choose and I refused telling her that I loved them both and would not make such a choice. She told me my life would be hell till I choose and that is what she did till I couldn't take it anymore. She always did in back of her father. She would tell her father that I was abusive and I never touched her or yelled at her then she would smile behind his back as she was telling him to me. I started carrying a tape recorder isn't that in sane.