Do you think that I am cheating my parents?
By babyqueen
@babyqueen (39)
India
December 29, 2006 1:32am CST
I am in love with a person who is not able to walk. He is paralysed from his waist. I really love him and he loves me too and cannot live without me. I did never tell my parents a lie. I have not hidden it from them at the begining. My parents behaved as if I was doing a crime and I have become a bad person altogether. When I saw this that my parents are scolding me and forcing me to cut off all contacts with him, which is not possible for me, I started hiding it from them. I spend most of my time with him but say them that I was somewhere else. My parents also took me to a doctor for counselling which was absolutely ridiculous. I dont want to get into all this hassles anymore. Am I doing right or wrong?
17 people like this
142 responses
@sakes14 (108)
• India
29 Dec 06
You r not doing a crime, i think sometimes its better to tell a lie than truth coz truth can hurt.
And ur parents reaction is very much normal, any parent will do such things coz they love their children and they want that there children shud be happy.
I guess they still think that wat u r doin is very kiddish and u r not aware of its after effects, so u make them realise that u truly love that person and u can spend ur life with him without any offences.
3 people like this
@sakes14 (108)
• India
29 Dec 06
That's wat i wanna say that as u r their only child , they wud be expecting a lot from u. All their dreams they want to get fulfilled thru u. If u love that guy really very truly then u need to convince ur parents with the help of someone who is near to ur family that u ll be happy with that guy.
@babyqueen (39)
• India
29 Dec 06
My parents do love me very much and I do realise that. I have to balance between both of them. They really want me to be happy in my life cause I am their only child. On the other hand my boyfriend is also very good and support me in all my academic and other aspects. He also tries hard to keep me happy.
1 person likes this
@euniceeleanor (5966)
• Singapore
29 Dec 06
your parents just want the best for you....they want you to have a husband that could take care of you for the rest of your life..not the other way around..i'm sure they meant well and they only do what they did cos they love you. if you are very firm in continuing to see this man, then be honest to them....be firm and tell them that no matter what happened, you are mentally prepared to accept it...but give them time to accept this...
2 people like this
@ahmedrulezz (103)
• Pakistan
29 Dec 06
yea, i think the counselor thing is also a part of that effort to make u evaluate ur decisions, to decide for yourself if u're doing the right thing or not.
The role of a counselor is to faciliate understanding of self and self decisions, not impose it on anybody, so i can imagine if it was ridiculous, it must'v been an imposing effort
they think ur decisions are not mature enough, that's why they're so protective.
I think if you have carefuly evaluated the consequences and still think that this man is right for you, then it's your life you have to spend, so the decision should be yours.
however i think, if you could find a way to convince your parents, perhaps another lie, tell them you don't meet this guy anymore, but not meeting him has made u feel even lonelier than ever, and you realy have to do this, maybe they'll understand. but whatever you do, you know your parents as well as this man better, so whatever you do, confide in your parents or hide, just think carefuly and wisely, coz the ultimate decision is yours and it will effect your entire life, be it in a good way or bad
@babyqueen (39)
• India
29 Dec 06
I find that whatever you all are saying in this regard is absolutely correct and very valuable to decide the future which lies ahead of me.
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (36447)
• United States
29 Dec 06
I think you should Honestly confront your parents, and tell them that you Love this man, and want to be with him. Tell them if they are not Happy about it, it is your decision. You owe it to yourself to be with the person you are Happy with. People who look down on others because of their Physical disabilities in life need to have an Eye awakening. How would they feel if this was them, and they were looked at like this?
@babyqueen (39)
• India
30 Dec 06
My parents are not ready to listen to anything about this matter. My mom turns a deaf ear if I start telling her about my boyfriend. I will still try to confront her honestly.
@adarshgirish (247)
• India
29 Dec 06
if your are saying no u should tell the reason too. according to me shes doing absolutely right. She should follow her heart. its she who has to spend the rest of her life with her life partner not her parents. you should be more strong with your parents. make them understand how much you love him and that your future is with him
@babyqueen (39)
• India
29 Dec 06
I have tried to make my parents realise that, but in vain. Whenever I try to raise his topic my mom tyrns her face as if she is not able to hear. I really dont have somebody to share my views and give me some good decisions. She also believes in things which my relatives who stays very near to my boyfriend's house tell her. She doesnt believe me. I love my parents and they love me too. I am not able to marry this person cause my parents will get hurt and neither I can leave this person. I have decided not to marry at all for the rest of my life.
1 person likes this
@zammywine (17)
• United States
29 Dec 06
Maybe you should annoy your parents about it, they probably will listen eventually so you stop.
@anivijay88 (16)
• India
29 Dec 06
wat u r doin in correct in ur point of view... ur love makes u 2 do so which s not at all wrong! but parents r really different, from us! dey won lik dis n dis may create prob if it comes in their eyes.. so don reveal.. surely 1 day ll come good for both of u! all d best!
@babyqueen (39)
• India
29 Dec 06
I can understand my parent's point of view but they are not willing to do so. I tried to make them understand but failed so I have no other way, but to hide it from them.
1 person likes this
@mockingdevil (10)
• India
29 Dec 06
wat ur doing is not wrong..ur parents should understand tht ur in love with him
1 person likes this
@gobindsing (470)
• India
29 Dec 06
It is a good thing to follow your heart, at the same time your parents are aware that in a long term relationship, the physical aspect will be very important, and that will be missing in this relationship due to his handicap. Be realistic and sensible and make a decision which will not be painful to all concerned. A loving friendship could last a lifetime. Hope you understand, and all the best.
@babyqueen (39)
• India
29 Dec 06
Sorry I failed to understand your piece of advice.
1 person likes this
@manu_ghimire (2626)
• India
29 Dec 06
Actually if u r frankly with ur parents and always say truth to them you should not do this.It may be possible that they are not thinking in your manner but you have to make understand because they are your parents so you have to consult with them because they are experience than you.
And sit with them try to confess them or try to understand what they are thinking in this manner because they never want to do your wrong the problem is that they are serious about your future.
so try to make solution of the problem with your parents so that they never loose truth from you.
@nir_prince (59)
• United States
29 Dec 06
wellll, I think you are not doing right with your parents! wll you are saying you and yoour parents both love eachother than this is only point that i appriciated. and after all Parents are like god for their kids, they will never bad advice for your life.
1 person likes this
@mtdewgurl74 (18151)
• United States
29 Dec 06
The only thing your going to be cheating is yourself and him if you let your parents take over your life for you I am sure they will understand in the end and be happy for you. They just are afraid you will taking on to much at once probably but be strong follow your head and heart and everything will fall into place. And may you and him live happily ever after together in peace and harmony.
@Kackie3 (345)
• United States
30 Dec 06
You haven't said how old you are. Your parents are only looking out for your well being. It might be a good idea to think a few years on down the road ahead,if you will still be able to accept this kind of relationship. It will not be easy for you, and it will be frustrating for him. Think..if you choose him, will you ever be able to be a mother, will your parents ever be grandparents? Don't be too quick to decide on a future with this person, until you have weighed all the things you will be giving up in your life, now and in your future. This is not a decision to be taken lightly.
@babyqueen (39)
• India
30 Dec 06
Yes I am 21 as my friend has already mentioned and my parents are also not that friendly to discuss issues like this with me. Anyway, I am really impressed with uour response and will definitely give it a good thought before I do anything.
@wyrdsister (584)
• Canada
29 Dec 06
No, you are not doing anything wrong by loving your boyfriend. Our heart chooses who to love, and there is nothing wrong with that.
I agree with several of the other posters - your parents probably just want what is best for you, and they are worried about a disabled husband's ability to take care of you. The way they are going about trying to communicate this to you is terribly painful, though. I am so sorry they are putting you through this.
You have tried to be honest and open with your parents, but it sounds to me as though they are the ones who are shutting you down and deliberately not listening to the truth. You are telling them what they want to hear (that you are no longer seeing your boyfriend) because that is the only option they have left open to you.
Your profile says you are 21 years old. Is this an appropriate time for you to get married and move out of your parents' home in your culture? If so, there might not be a whole lot your parents can do about who you choose to marry. But unfortunately, as you've seen, they can make you feel pretty miserable about it.
The choices you have to make are not easy. But I want you to know that you are not "cheating" your parents by falling in love with someone, whether they use a wheel chair to get around or their own two legs. I believe they are cheating you by not accepting your love of your boyfriend and welcoming him into their family.
~Wyrdsister
@marrry (341)
• Romania
29 Dec 06
u are a very good person..but in a way i understand your parents too..they want only the best for you and they think u don t have a future with this man,,u have to think at your life and what u want from it ..then to decide about this relation u have ..HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
@sweetpinks (284)
• India
29 Dec 06
u r right on ur side and even ur parents r right.they r worried 4 ur future.its right tht u cant live without tht guy, but when u think practically life wont be so easy tht it seems.plz think very well before taking any decession.god bless u.
