Does the abused partner ever disserve it?

I was in an abusive relationship for 4 years and I ALWAYS blamed myself for him hitting me.. I deserved it for whatever reason. Ofcourse today I see that i was wrong, but his abuse started with psycological abuse to the extent that I felt worthless adn he was the only person in the world who loved me... I cut myself of from all friends and family coz he said that they were bad for me and for our relation.. I look back at this today and wonder how I stayed alive =(

I am going through this now and I have been pushed to were I would leave but then I get so scared because I am a stay at home mom with 4 young children,I know everyone says there are programs to help me and the kids but if you havent been where I am you dont know,(its hard) I dont want to disrupt their lives,but as far as there being a justifiable reason for his anger issues NO I believe not.

I have seen people being abused and I don't feel that anyone deserves it. My dad used to abuse my mom and that is something that I will never forget. They are still married and he is no longer abusive but that was a very long 2 years. The sad part is the reason he abused her is because of his wrong doing. He was cheating on my mom and he became abusive to her.

well I dont think so...It only happen when people with totallu opposite thinking and diffrent attitude enter in a marriage....

i don't think that you can ever say that some deserved it. no one deserves to get beaten. whether or not someone made the situation more likely to happen does not constitute them deserving it, no matter what. plus the partner should realize that they shouldn't hit you even you you provoke it, otherwise i don't believe that they truly love you.

This is a great question. I will say there is never a good reason to put your hands on someone. we are the only ones responsible for our reactions to any given situation. I personally I have not been in a abusive realtionship. This is due to the fact that I saw my mother get her butt kicked by my real father. I remember him chasing her down the straight and then braking her legs. He did all of this because she said he was stupid during a fight. was that nice to say, of course not. did he have the right to do what he did, hell no. We as adults must be responsible for our own actions. If we go around saying well he made me do it then we are acting like children, who don't know any better. Two wrongs never make it right. But we should be adult enough to know that...

I cant say anyone deserves it but some do provoke it. Not all do though. Some people just things up when they know they are with an abusive person. But in all reality no one deserves to be hit or ridiculed by anyone. I comend you for being able to get out of your bad relationship because most dont. They stay until its too late. Another bad thing is people that are being abused really do feel they are the cause because it is being told to them over and ove again by the abuser.

Abusive men, or women for that matter, thrive on the guilt of others; it is never their fault, but always the battered party's fault. After all, they have to justify their acts right? There are never any good reasons enough to beat up your wife or husband or child while we're at it. That's why divorce exists, therapy groups, etc. There are way too many battered woman in this world, and those who beat up their wives/husbands/children should be punished harshly, because those they've beaten have not only been "punished" by them, but often scarred for life.

I have seen people be abused. It's painful to watch, especially when as a child, you feel like there is little to do about it. Or that even the abused will prevent you from reporting it or confiding in anybody about it. I can say that I understand how one's anger can reach a boiling point and you do and say stupid things, but it is always up to the person who is that angry to stop themselves from taking it out on another person- be it physically, verbally, emotionally, etc. That's not to say they should hold it in- because holding it in could lead to these exact types of situations, in the long run. But there is always a better way to express themselves. Heck. Count to 100. Take a long walk or long drive. Go find a friend and talk to them about how you're feeling, if they'll listen.. As I said, I've witnessed abuse. And while I can see that the person who was abused did and said some things to provoke extreme anger in the other person, I do not believe that the abuse they suffered was justified. It never is.

I use to be one of those women that would think that if I changed this or that it would change my x. Guess what it never did. I was fouling myself thinking that if I could stop it my kids would always have thier dad around. The only way to stop it is to leave. They don't change. Atleast I don't believe so. They still have thier dad but I monitor it very closely. He loves his kids he was just a jerk. Don't get me wrong most people think that women that put up with this are weak and they are not. I am very succesful and strong willed. I just wanted the happy family at any cost. Until I thought about it and was not giving my children any life if they always saw us fighting. I also didn't want my son to think that it was ok to treat a spouse like that.

no i think the abused partner do not deserve it.. physical abuse is always bad.. it should not be allowed my 2 cents only

It breaks my heart when I hear of abusive relationships. Yes the abused one is usually female but to hear her say "but I love him" and "He was so sorry" makes my blood boil. I was a child of such a relationship, so I have no tolleration for thios lifestyle. NO No NO!

Nobody needs to be in an abusive relationship! There isnt a reason that I can think of that anyone would deserve it.but there is alot of people that do think they deserve it and those are the ones that stay in the relationships. Its very sad but those are facts.

No, an abused partner never deserves physical abuse or any type of abuse no matter what. Also the abused partner does not have the right to physically abuse the abusive partner either ... no matter what. There are many things that couples can do to avoid abuse such as counseling, anger management, or even seperation until the issue is resolved. It's better to start with communication between the couple before any other action is taken if at all possible.

There is no reason to ever put your hands on someone. If my man cheats on me, he is gone. I won't hit him, beat him, or otherwise abuse him. He's out..and that's that. You would be thrown in jail so fast if you beat someone just because they broke your heart. I know people who cannot get out of abusive relationships and always blame themselves for the beating they take. I can only hope they wisen up before they are killed.

No one should hurt people because it's bad. But sometimes girls tend to be nagger and they don't want to stop talking. We girls, should know also how to control ourselves in saying words that can hurt our partner's feelings that may lead him to hurt us.

There is never an excuse to lay your hand to anyone. You can push a person's buttons, til the buttons fall apart. You can cheat over and over again, you can call that person every name in the book and then some, or put there family down. The men/women that think this is good reasons to hurt the ones they love, should have there heads examined, then not be allowed to ever have someone to love them. There are men/women that have done this and has changed. It takes a lot to do this. The ones that do change are so much better for doing so.

i dont think i would ever say that to myslef, no matter how harsh your words are ther is no reason for you to be hurt physically, they can also give those words back to you but i dont think they should give it back through physical abuse... If they really have loved you, i dont thihnk they would do that...I dont like men who hurt women, i want to torture them :l

You never deserve it. My husband hit me and no matter what I did not cause it.This is not your problem, it is his.They need help,and the reason we need help is because of what they have done.

I know several people who have been in that boat, and it's not fair, because they sometimes truly do think it's their fault.. It's not, never once does the abused deserve what their getting. If one or the other has a problem they should sit there and talk it out with the other one. Never should they resort to violence, but people don't think that way sometimes.. There's never a time when violence should be presumed "Someone's Fault" I'm sorry, I just don't think so. For people who think it is their fault, they need to look inside themselves, and see all their good qualities, and say to themselves, i don't really deserve this. And then get out, even if it has to be to a shelter until they can get on their feet. I wish there were more people out there who could help people in those situations.... I really do.