Issues with my father
By 97gstchick
@97gstchick (242)
United States
December 29, 2006 10:10am CST
My sister and I have some issues with my father. Without going too much in detail.. I have to say soemthing to him because he's being an immature kid about things that happened between my sister and him.
What way would I go about telling him to grow up without hurting his feelings?
long story short...
My sister lived with my father for a little bit of time.. moved out.. then started talking junk about him behind his back and was saying that he never calls or shows no effort to be a father.. Which he doesn't..
(i've talked to him about this and he always said that he'll change and make more of an effort yet it's been 4 months since I talked to him about it and he still hasn't called me once! I've made the effort every time!)
Now my sister has a baby which is my fathers 1st grandson.. and yet my father is still not trying to be in thier lifes because he says "i'm too upset at your sister to talk to her yet" They got into this fight 3 months ago. I told him "well someone has to man up to get this over with" That was about a month ago.
Tonight is his grandsons 1st birthday party and he's not going to be there because my sister was stating facts about him that he is too upset at her to bear with.
I want to say something... He has hurt us badly in the past yet we forgave him when we probably shouldn't have... yet he can't get over my sister saying the truth about him not acting as a father!
I don't like to hurt peoples feelings... but how and what way would I go about saying something to him to wake him up?? Any help would be great!
3 people like this
39 responses
@purposedriven (842)
• United States
29 Dec 06
I agree with "thinkingoutloud". I know that you want to make things right between your sister and father, but truly it is up to them to work it out. It's obvious that he has not been a good father, but maybe he needs time to realize this for himself. He has to want to make things right. I wish your family all the best, just give it some more time.
@97gstchick (242)
• United States
29 Dec 06
I know it's truely up to them to work it out. It just sucks for the time being. My sister wasn't invited to Thanks giving or Xmas dinner on my fathers side of the family.. and that sucked cuz she's usually my right hand girl at boring family events.
@purposedriven (842)
• United States
29 Dec 06
It's going to be hard. I know how it is not having your sister around family gatherings; I go crazy without my little sister. But it's only a matter of time. I know that things will get better. Your father will realize the importance of having his daughters and will work things out. In the meantime you should let them both know that you are there for them if ever and whenever they need. Be blessed.
@97gstchick (242)
• United States
29 Dec 06
He's not that old. My parents had us when they were really young. My father is 45 now.
@akumei1269 (1749)
• India
29 Dec 06
I realise the trouble you two sisters are experiencing due to the arrogance of your father . You can take help from some some close friend of your father in this predicament . At times people heed more to friends than to relatives .
1 person likes this
@shooie (4984)
• United States
29 Dec 06
Have you talked to your sister about shutting up? I don't know if I would want to be around anyone that keeps going on either. Maybe your dad feels why get involved. Maybe he feels your sister will fill her sons head with things about him. Tehre are two sides to every coin on things like this.
1 person likes this
@97gstchick (242)
• United States
29 Dec 06
lol yes I have.. my sister does have a big mouth that does get her into trouble alot. Hopefully one day she'll learn.
1 person likes this
@Netsbridge (3253)
• United States
29 Dec 06
Just let him be - he will come around when he is ready. Now, just remember to be a loving daughter to your father.
1 person likes this
@mamabulldog60 (351)
• United States
29 Dec 06
Invite both to your place without the other one knowing and see if he doesn't break. He is the adult and the father. If this don't wortk nothing will
1 person likes this
@cuddlebug79705 (2003)
• United States
29 Dec 06
I would definently say that honesty is the way to go here. You need to tell your father how he is making you feel, how he is making everyone feel and that it is time he grew up and learned how to deal with everyone. You should also tell your sister to stop talking about him behind his back, that sure isn't helping anything.
@97gstchick (242)
• United States
29 Dec 06
I've tried to tell him.. and in fact I have told him how I feel. it was about 4 months ago I told him how he never calls me unless he needs something.. he so calling heard me out and said "we both will work on that" Since then I have called him almost once every other week.. He still hasn't called me on his own.
@sbeauty (5865)
• United States
29 Dec 06
Your dad sounds just like my mother. She could care less about family unity, about acting like an adult in confrontational situations. She thinks she can say anything about me, but I'm not allowed to ever voice an opinion. Oh, I know how badly you feel!
I'll give you another perspective though. My dad has been gone almost 21 years, and I still miss him. Try going at dealing with your father as if you might lose him tomorrow and see if that helps. If not, then I'd quit giving him chances to hurt you and leave him on his own for awhile to see if he comes around.
@97gstchick (242)
• United States
29 Dec 06
thank you for your support.
And like you said I'd quit giving him chances.. I think it may have to come to that. I've put in alot yet havent seen any effort back.
@abilbrey (114)
• United States
30 Dec 06
I hate to say it but you need to be the example. I have a father much like your. He left me and mom for a women with five kids and it still feels at time like I was just replaced. His interaction with my family is limited but I am nice to him due to my children. There are alot of bad feelings I have had toward him in the past but I realized that it was only harming my soul in harboring them. Trust me your dad knows his guilt even if he does not admit it. The nicer I am to him the more I see his regret and this is how we are building a relationship now. I know it is hard but you and your sister have to know you are still wonderful people without his assistance and in order to show him that you should show the qualities I know you both have like kindness and forgiveness. Also, abig factor for me are my girls and they need to know there grandfather and the example I am trying to set is that your parents are your parent and you should always have a relationship with them because they are only human like everyone else.
@mangmamani (134)
• Philippines
30 Dec 06
Parents are not PERFECT they are still your parents. If you think that he is not what you expect. Then move on but always remember he is still your father and the grandfather. Time will heal all wounds thats what they say so just wait untill that time comes.
@ajay22 (300)
• India
30 Dec 06
I sympathise with you, trouble in the family cause great deal of trauma, and many times it just go out of hands. Ultimtely it takes a consious efforts from all the family members to resolve it. At the end I think your conscience should be clear that it was not because of you and that you have done your bit to put an end to this. Other than that it all depends on the best judgement of everybody involved.
Best of luck and may god bless you
@ajithlal (14716)
• India
30 Dec 06
I think you should talk directly with your father and try to solve the problems. It would be like you should invite your sister and your father together and have food together or somewhere sit together and try to solve the problem together. Most times talking directly helps because it will make people understand better. Well you must say also that you felt hurt in the past and should talk all your feelings openly.
@ajstyless (43)
• India
30 Dec 06
Actually its wrong on your part also when you were young one it would be this man who was looking after you all and making sure that all your needs would be fullfilled. Now when yau all had a tiff with him an thenalso you are forgiving him then plz dnt try to show that its your forgiving nature which has brought him again with you this shows that you have become elder to him. So just forget whatever had happened and welcome him again without showing any sign of your and your sis so called forgiving nature.
@cyberserd (28)
• India
30 Dec 06
Tough situation u r in....dont know what to say...all I can say is hope for the best...and faith in the one up there...all the best
@maldita_me (281)
• Philippines
30 Dec 06
its a family problem that you guys should sit down and talk about. like you guys, we've got issues with our father but the fact that he is our father makes all the issues just issues. i've been through hell with him but that was all in the past. Just talk things over.
@sabrina_sush (34)
• India
30 Dec 06
hey i think u shud first talk to ur father n find out wat is his problem with ur sister n then try to solve it
make ur father n sister talk to tat they can settle their issues
n i dont think ur father is such a person tat he has no values for loven affection sumthing must really be bothering him
further u can even show ur sisters baby to him so tat he changes his mind any oerson will love small kids
