What problems have you encountered in an inter-racial relationship?

Thats a very good question. I am living in Ireland, but originally from South Africa, and my hubby is from Algeria. I am from a very liberal community in South Africa, and although my hubby is a liberal person by nature, we still do encounter problems that I would have never expected. For example we have a one year old daughter. Although we both adore our baby and would do anything for her, in certain areas we have differing attitudes to childcare, which does cause problems. We also have different attitudes to the role of the husband and wife as far as housekeeping is concerned. I am totally and utterly undomesticated, and my hubby grew up in a society where housekeeping just magically 'happened' around the men! This causes LOTS of problems. Luckily we do not have religious issues to deal with, because neither of us are religious. But apart from the obvious gender related problems that you would expect in a mixed culture relationship, there are some more surprising problems that can crop up as well. For example, I grew up in a culture where celebrations like birthdays and christmas are considered extremely important, and where people show their affection for each other for a large part by giving presents. My hubby had never celebrated christmas or his birthday before he met me, and presents are very rarely given in his culture! It may appear that this would be easy to get around, and I should just get used to not getting presents in the way that I would like, but after numerous arguments I have realised that in a large part I actually associate the receipt of presents with being appreciated, so subconsciously I feel not-appreciated and rejected by my husband if he does not do this. So, bascially, the point I was trying to make is that apart from the obvious problems involved in mixed culture relationships, there can be some surprising, unexpected problems that crop up as well! Mixed-culture relationships need a lot of work, but of course if you love the person then they are worth it!:)

This is a good discussion. Personally I am in an interracial relationship ( my boyfriend being Korean and myself being Caucasian). Luckily, we have not really encountered problems with eachother because although he was born in Korea, he was adopted into Canada at the age of two (so his beliefs and sense of humor are much the same as mine because he was raised by Canadian parents). The only problems we have faced together (due to racial background) are the opinions and looks we sometimes get by other people because we are of a different background and in a relationship.

i am a filipino and my boyfriend is from sweden. we're in this relationship for 8 months now. we had 4 months in knowing each other. and it was good we did not rush into this relationship. it's hard. his culture is so different with mine. he's from a liberated country while i'm from a conservative one. but we talked about things. when there's something that i don't understand and something that concerns me, i open up to him. i try to adjust to his culture as he tries to adjust to mine. the good thing is that we have love and respect for each other making us love each other more every single day. everything can be worked out when talked of.

I once dated a black man and I am white. We only had one date, but it didn't have anything to do with racial or cultural differences. We had one date because, #1 He talked about his ex all night, #2 He held my hand so tight in the movies, I thought he would crush my hand, #3 When I ordered a drink at a dance club, he didn't have the money to pay for it. Anyway, I have to say he felt very uncomfortable in the dance club with almost all white people. We then went to a club for a short time that had all black people and then I understood why he felt a bit uncomfortable. If I would have continued this relationship I know my grandpa would have had a heart attack. In fact I told my grandma about our one date and the first thing she said to me was, don't tell grandpa. I promised her I wouldn't. I also had a relationship with a mexican man I met from work. We were together for about 9 months. He spoke english and spanish and so did almost his whole huge family. So, the first time I met some of them, I thought no problem, wrong! When they all got together, they spoke spanish and they continued to speak spanish most of the whole time I was there. I really was crazy about this guy and I figured we wouldn't have to see his family all that much, wrong again! Soon, there was a party, a birthday, a baptism or something every weekend. I hated it. He came over to my families twice and I know he felt uncomfortable too, but anybody would feel uncomfortable around my extended family. I don't think my family cared that he was mexican, but I'm pretty sure his family wasn't real pleased with me. I did learn some interesting things about his culture. I love the fast, salsa music and salsa dancing. I learned when it comes to weddings, etc. the whole extended family pitches in financially, good idea! Our main problem besides his ex-wife, his indeciveness, was his family. I could not deal with it anymore.

well i guess it does not matter too much if you are from different races if you really love each other and are comitted to one another.yes there is some need of adjustments in habits,lifestyles and other things but in course of time they take care of their own.like i know many couples where one partner is vegetarin and the other is non-vegetarian.and they have adjusted just fine.you just need to love each other.

The main differences are: food, religion, in-laws and the overall family life. My husband is indian, he worships his parents (nothing wrong with that - to a certain point) and does not acknowledege that they are wrong ever! He likes cooked food all the time - no sandwiches here! He thinks that his family should be part of his everyday life - I don't. Frankly, I have had enough of them, their intrusive ways, and them always having to say something about everything.

I can't remember any big problem about the interracial relationship. The first one that I can say, but it is just the first step (and not a problem) is the language. Sometime can happen a misunderstanding about language (specially if no one is speaking in his/her mother tongue). Obviously I am talking about relationship that are working well, bettween people that is in love or really friend and close.

i cannot see any problems with inter racial relationship as long as each other respect whatever race or diffrences they have. respect the beliefs, tradition and culture. be understanding.

i did not had any inter racial so i might not be the best person to respond this but i feel there should not be any barrier if there is true love in between. I personally feel there is no meaning to such terms as inter-racial, inter-religion or inter-caste for instance if you are having a truelly loving relationships

I don't think race should be a problem. If you love each other and respect each other, I think that will solve everything

problem of communication some times its hard to interpret what they really want from the relation

i'm indonesian and my husband is dutch. our biggest problem is communication. we are asian used to not so open and polite to each other, while dutch people are very open. they have to tell each other what they feel about other people. i find it often rude and not nice. in the beginning of our relationship my husband always told me to be open, about ANYTHING, although it's about bad thing. i am now more open than before, but towards other people i have to admit it's difficult. i don't want to be rude or hurt other people's feeling.

Bigotry on both sides of the race line is the biggest problem. A spanish girlfriend and I came across it all the time. Small minded people don't realize the beauty in sharing cultures, religions or whatever. All problems from outside can be overcome if the couple keeps the relationship centered around themselves with respect and concern for each other.

Communication and patience is the key. I've met people of all walks of life and my last bf was czech. Needless to say his english skills was not on par with mine.

My daughter who is metis had a child with my son in-law who is from Laos. My beautiful granddaughter who is 12 now looks very much like her father. When we are in public together, we get some weird looks. It can have a negative effect for her but I swear I will do everything I can possibly do to help her with any obstacles.

hai kumiko - nice to meet u today also in a nice discussion . Well the problems encountered by one in an inter-racial relationship depends upon various limitated factor and it is different with each and every one . Me, I do have some inter-racial relationships problems . but , it will be better call not as a problems , better to call a misunderstanding concepts. It happens sometimes. Sometimes u may want to do some thing . but your wife or hub will not like that . u will be in toruble for some time . My personal opinion is to just take and admit all type of situations and be happy. becoz., once, in life u hav decided to live with some one . honestly devote your all . In other words , your soul should be surrendered to them to get success in all time thanks and Bye

i am a filipino married to a Hong Kong national. we didn't see any problems having different races during our 'going-steady' stage that's why i decided to accept his marriage proposal. he can speak good english and is willing to learn my language since we are residing in my country. now that we are on our 2nd year of marriage, we've been encountering several problems due to our culture conflicts especially on domestic and social issues. but so far, we've been able to settle such differences and meet to some solutions. i guess its just a matter of adjustments and if you really both love each other despite of.

There should be no problems associated with interracial marriages if those involve are mature and are deeply in love.It has a lot to do with understanding and love rather than cultural sentiments.

different culture, and different food will make a relationship colourfull.i like that kind of idea :

I used to go out with a Chinese lady, a doctor, and we got some pretty weird reactions from the local Chinese. It seems everyone has a few bigots, and one old lady was utterly scandalized, and giving my gf looks as if she'd just sold the Great Wall. The relationship unfortunately couldn't continue, her being in the wrong hemisphere and a few little things like that. (She was supposed to be in America) While it lasted, it was fascinating, and I have to say refreshing. Admittedly, being an Australian, I must admit we have our share of regressives, but the fact is that the human race just hasn't grown up yet.