I have this girl Staying with me,

she;s obviously irresponsible and she totally loves it. so the bottom line is u have to settle some rules. talk to her without trying to teach her budgeting or stuff that her parents never even mentioned to her. so put the problem like this. me and my hubby have some plans so we can't afford to keep things like before, we need to spare morney from now on. so u want electricity all night long ... it is totally ok with us, but half the bill is yours. also try to tell her that by standing all alone she would have had bigger expenses. coz she's u'r friend and u really want to help her u'r only charging her half those money so she can get used to paying bills and earning money. it's basic budgeting but with practice and not theory. they say practice is the mother of all learning so u can try this ... who knows maybe it works.

I would give her a specific time to get her life together and get out. Maybe then she will try a little harder to work at the things she needs to work out. Right now she is filling like she has a free ride and doesn't have to work for anything.

All I can say the girl has to be ready to learn and change if she wants to make it and from the sounds of it shes not. Id just tell her she only got so long to get her crap together or your going to have to throw her out.

She is playing you for a fool, i know you are trying to help her but she is thinking she can take alone of you. She will never stand on her 2 own feet if you keep lying down and accepting it. If she is spending all her money on cabs she will eventually start to ask you for money. Her parents have taught her nothing about being a adult and she is looking to live in a home where someone will run about after her like her parents did. Hope this helps good post + rating.

The thing is, its NOT up to you..yes I think its wonderful that you are trying to help this girl out, I'm the same way but you cant help a person who TRULY doesnt want it....I mean is it possible that she only says the right things to when necessary because you are giving her somewhere to stay?...The reality of it is IMO, if it is causing strain in your life on any level and you really arent making any progress with her then its time to re-evaluate the situation and take the right steps.....

Hey SpitFire :) I read your original post and your replies and I can understand why you are frustrated with the girl. I know she is a good friend of yours but, as you're seeing, good friends can make awful roommates. At this point, she's never going to be stable enough to get a place of her own so I understand why you're pretty desperate to try to "fix" her. She clearly doesn't respect you (or anyone else living in the house) if she plays such juvenile games. If she (or anyone else) is going to be living with you and your husband long-term, then set up a contract (and I'm assuming she has a job?). State exactly what they are responsible to pay -- rent, a fixed percentage of utilities, groceries, whatever. Write it down. Then, you can also state what tasks they are expected to do (some people choose to have one roommate do big jobs like cutting grass or shoveling snow and they get "credit" for it against the amount of their rent... i.e., paying a bit less rent for agreeing to be responsible for something that has to be done on a regular basis). Also state, right in the contract, what happens if they don't pay. Once you've got it written down, go over it together so that everyone is CLEAR on what's in there and then sign it. Make sure that each person signing the contract has their own copy of it and store YOUR copy in a safe place (preferably one that she, or anyone else that moves in, does not have access to). If nothing else, at least you are protecting you and your husband if she doesn't pay her way and you have to get rid of her. She will learn a valuable lesson about contracts and what happens when you agree to a commitment like that. She's not your child... you shouldn't be supporting her financially if she is old enough to not be living at home with her parents/family. I know it's rough when you want to help a friend (I've been burned a few times myself that way) but, if she just laughs at you for making a job list (which was a good idea, btw) then you are going to have to force her to grow up and be responsible. I wish you a lot of luck because she's going to be exhausting.

I know you probably don't want to, but you are going to have to tell her that things aren't working out as they are and she needs to make some changes. She may be angry at first, but if she is a good friend she will come around. Good luck!

You don't owe her anything. Treat her like you'd treat a child. Make the rules, and tell her the consequences if she doesn't follow them. Then make sure you follow through with what you said you'd do. If she decides to do things that annoy you, ask her to leave. Some people just can't be helped. I've worked with many BD high school students, and some of them I've been able to help, and others just didn't want to make the necessary changes. It's sad, but it's a fact I've learned the hard way several times.

After all I have read I would not ca.ll her a good friend. She is taking advaantage of you. My granddaughter is the same way. She all loving and happy unless yoou ask something of her that might interfer with what she wants. We have one car between three of us. She has the most use of it. any time I or her brother have a need of it oh boy how terrible we are to suggest she give up a couple of min of her time.

my dear friend you choose worlds toughest job, teaching a women :P. he he don't include me i am just a girl :D.

Sounds like she is taking advantage of you and your husbands hospitality, sit down with her and explain clearly what is expected of her, if she acts like a little kid then treat her like one - maybe she'll be shamed into doing what is right. Maybe you need to kick her out anyway, some people will just suck you dry and then move on to their next victims. That's got to be hard on your marriage, isn't it?

this so called friend of yours obviously has no respect for you or your home,and before things get truly out of hand maybe you should ask her to go, in a nice way tell her that things aren't working out the way they should be and therefore maybe it's best that she left.

You may have to let her go, because she needs to be on her own to understand budgeting and respecting peoples space. You can always set ground rules and say this is how it goes and if you can't live with that, then you may need to look elsewhere to live.

That's sad that she isn't listening to you. IF she asked for your help, she should listen. I would sit her down and say, "look, you asked for my help and if you are not going to take any of my advice then I'm going to stop giving it to you." and then proceed to do so if necessary. Don't let her walk all over y ou. You are doing her a favor and it sounds like you don't even have to be doign it. Good luck to you.

My ex used to ask for help with her problems like over eating, over spending etc. I used to simply say, don't over eat, don't go shopping for no reason...and she would scream.."omg you're lording over me!!"literally.Well that got old super fast and yeah she became an ex,lol. For lots more than just that, buts thats how she was about all aspects of life.They ask for the help, but rather remain in the trouble,it's cyclical.They feel guilt and cry for the help but don't employ the answers.Don't take it for too long.

You have to be very firm and harden your heart to your friend. Some people will be irresponsible until they find out to their cost the consequences of their irresponsibility, you have to draw a line in the sand over which you will not go, let her know that if things are not to your satisfaction after a given time you will increase her rent until it become financialy unviable for her to stay there . Maybe then she will realise that she has to stand on her own two feet in this world

how i can help u........

I think the only way is to tell her like it is, nicely and with love. God Bless you for trying to help her. You will be rewarded in the end. I belive anyway. Perhaps you could maybe all sit down together and have like a house meeting to set some rules and things. Also it allows each other to talk about things they don't like and do like and how you can help each other live together peacefully. It will just cause stress and hard feelings if she is upsetting the balance of the rest of the house. As long as you don't make her think you are all attacking her it may help. But if you make her feel uncomfortable she probably will just get defensive and shut down. And that won't help the situation. Good luck.. there are some good responses here. I hope they help.

I would tell her you brought her in to help her out and it's not work ,so she has x amount of time to leave.No hard feelings,but if she's not willing to learn then why bother.She is just using I think.I think she's a lot smarter than given credit.

you know, i've been in a situation quite similar to yours. i've tried helping a friend stand on her feet. at first you get the impression that they really want to change, then later realize that they themselves refuses to change. know why? because those kind of people wallows in it, the attention your giving, the symphaty they get. you'll just be emotionally drained if you let it continue. your friend dont need people to help her stand, what you need to do is give her a hard reality check, brutal even, to force her to stand on her own. if shes a good friend, she'll realize that what your doing is just for her own good but if she's too self centered to see otherwise, then you need to reevaluate your friendship