Help!!! The in-laws are coming...
@western_valleygirl (1363)
United States
January 3, 2007 1:04am CST
I just got married recently, and I have never met my in-laws before, so I am nervous about meeting them. I am also nervous about how my husband is going to act around them. I feel like I am not prepared for their arrival, I also feel as though it is going to be three against one, since I have no family here, because I just moved recently from my hometown, to a totally different state.
On top of all that, we are still trying to pay for all the debt we accumulated from the wedding and the honeymoon, and now my husband is making a lot of renovations before his parents get here, so he can show them what a wonderful home we have. I feel so stressed out, and I am not sure how this is all going to go down.
I hope I can get through the visit with flying colors, but I feel as though I am going to fail terribly. How do keep from estranging not only my in-laws, but my husband also? We are already at odds over so many things that concern his family, I can only begin to imagine what will happen when they get here...
2 people like this
13 responses
@brokentia (10389)
• United States
4 Jan 07
Have you talked to your husband about your fears? Maybe he can help you feel beter.
But the biddest thing is, you have to remember to be calm and yourself.
Have confidence! Your husband loves you....they should also!
But, if the mother does not like you right away, do not take it personal. Some mothers are not quick to accept the wife because she has always been the woman that counts. Now, you will be taking a piece of that away from her. So the best thing to do is to listen and learn. But really, most of all, relax.
Oh! And if for some reason you are a mess and start to talk to much or trip or something, be honest with them too. Tell them you are nervous and want to give them a good impression. I am sure that will make them fell good too because it will show them the importance it is to you also. :)
Good luck!
1 person likes this
@western_valleygirl (1363)
• United States
4 Jan 07
That is exactly what my husband keeps saying...he says relax, be yourself...but when he says it, it is not the same as when friends, family, or my fellow Mylot-ers say it. It feels as though he is also nervous about them meeting me, which makes me even more nervous. And I am trying so hard no to fret, but it feels as though this is weighing on my shoulders...
@bindishah (2062)
• India
4 Jan 07
Hey chill..first stop and take a deep breath. There's no need to panic. No matter what you do your in-laws are not going to like you (haha..just kidding). On a serious note, just be yourself. They will love you if you are natural and dont try to mould yourself to them. Just be caring towards them, talk to them nicely, if they make suggestions just accept them gracefully. As far as renovation goes explain gently to your husband that you guys still have to work off your debts and he needs to take it easy.
1 person likes this
@harsh1985 (593)
• India
4 Jan 07
don't be prejudice before you confirmed them..possible you may get finest in-laws so that you proud on them.
you have to sustain your life with your husband not with your in-laws. if you loves him and he loves you.don't bother about anybody. you and your husband must be loyal to each other for succeful martial life..
best of luck!!!
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
4 Jan 07
I met some of my in-laws for the first time the night before the wedding. So, I can relate to your nerves. Try to remember that you're not being tested, even though it feels like it. Just welcome them into your home and be confident - remember that they are on your "turf." Be a gracious host, treat them well and with manners. They cannot fault you for that and, if they do, let it roll. If your husband wants to bend over backwards to impress them, let him. They're his parents. I don't think he should HAVE to impress them but that's just my opinion. I think they'll be more interested in knowing that the two of you are happy, rather than how many renovation jobs your husband tried to squeeze in before they got there. My inlaws turned out to be very nice people... I hope yours will too. Good luck ;)
@western_valleygirl (1363)
• United States
4 Jan 07
Thanks, I hope so too, and yeah, at first I was totally against him spending money on unnecessary things, or at least, things that can wait, but then I figured, yeah they are his parents...but like you said, I too, don't believe that he has to impress them...
I hope to be able to keep a gracious personality, but it is going to be tough, because we are still adjusting to being married, and it could get ugly...hopefully, not in front of them...
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
4 Jan 07
Oh dear LOL Well, if all else fails, maybe you can take it into your bedroom or into the basement and close the door. As long as they don't hear you arguing or anything of that sort, they won't be tempted to start chiming in and "helping"... that might be really awkward, considering you've never met them before. How long is the visit? Are they staying with you for an extended time?
@western_valleygirl (1363)
• United States
4 Jan 07
I believe that they will be staying for a couple of weeks. However, my husband hopes to encourage them to stay longer, but, even though his father is a retired school teacher, he has many responsibilities in the community in which they live, so that limits "his" stay.
But, I do believe that he will then encourage his mother to stay longer. I don't mind, it is just that we, too, have responsibilities here...and unfortunately we have no basement, and sound carries in our home, from downstairs to up, and upstairs to down...especially our "loud discussions."
From talking to them on the phone, they seem really sweet, and kind, but I am pretty lousy at first impressions.
@innechen (1318)
• Indonesia
4 Jan 07
1st u got to do is welcome them with smile.i also feel nervous when i 1st meet my in-laws, but i prepare myself and encourage my self that i will do my best and if they dont like me well just let them be.becoz we cant force people to like us all we can do is being nice and polite with them and the rest is up to them.i hope u'll have a wonderful in-laws like mine so then u dont hv to feel bad next time their visiting u lol
@rogue13xmen13 (14402)
• United States
4 Jan 07
Why worry, they are in-laws and sadly not all in-laws get along. I know my family never gets along with the in-laws, but we tolerate them for the loved one's sake.
@kawillow74 (1416)
• United States
4 Jan 07
I would not get nervous how can you fail you have never meant they to fail and I am sure they are as nevous as you are. Good luck
@danishcanadian (28955)
• Canada
4 Jan 07
Just be yourself. If they don't like it (they, including your husband!!) that's their problem!!!
@nzinky (822)
• United States
4 Jan 07
Frist let me tell you your worried over nothing...They will either like you or dislike you...Be yourself and don't worry I know its hard for you but you love your husband and he loves you or he wouldn't have married you....
Second you are a newbe to the family so they are just as worried as you are.....Just be yourself make sure your husband needs are met doing this time....As long as your yourself all will go well..Let us know how it goes you will probaly like them and they will like you as long as you take care of your husband..
@gbetpangan (163)
• Philippines
4 Jan 07
i felt that same way, too, when i first met my in-laws but i survived. hehehehe first and foremost, don't fret. just be calm and everything's gonna be ok. dont feel nervous coz it's just gonna make things worse. be yourself and act naturally with them & around them. dont show them that you're uncomfy around them coz they might take advantage of the situation. as i've said, relax, calm down & be yourself! =) goodluck! =)
@Sawsen (793)
• United States
4 Jan 07
Well, it all begins with our mentality. If you're psyched for a bad begining, then you're going to have a bad beginning. My advice is to be hopeful, and try to think of a good beginning. When my in-laws came to visit, I had a hopeful perspective, and thankfully everything worked out fine. Hopefully when they come everything will work out for the best. And first time encounters are always tough, especially when it's your in-laws, but hopefully it will be a nice welcoming. Let me know how it goes down.
