Grandparents raising Grandchildren
By audraac
@audraac (109)
United States
January 3, 2007 7:46am CST
I have a sister that is raising 2 of her grandchildren. Aprox. 5 years ago she was raising all 4 of my nieces children until she had 2 brain anurisms and nearly died and they gave her a 50/50 chance of living.
Other family members decided to send the 2 oldest (early teens at the time) to live with their father in California. Now the two youngest children have taken controll of my sisters life by being in control most of the time. My sister drinks and smokes in front of the kids. I'm afraid that the kids will eventually go that route in the end.
Their mother has been a drug addict and in/out of jail for well over 10 years now. Their father is now living in California and has little contact with them.
On top of all that my sister's oldest daughter (another niece) is Mentally challenged and of course she has cared for her for the last 36 years.
I'm afraid that something will happen to my sister. But then again recently my sister told me that if something happens to her that the three of them will come to me.
I just thinks it's a shame that the parents don't step up to the plate and take care of their responsability. I don't mind if I get them but I'd rather them be with me then a pearent that doesn't give a crap.
4 people like this
29 responses
@limosonia1 (1559)
• United States
3 Jan 07
I think the kids are better off with you. They have parents that shouldn't be parents. Do you have contact with the ones that live with thier father? Some peole are just not ment to be parents. I feel bad for your mom. But I see it a lot. Grandparents rasing children while there kids go out and party. More people need to step to the plate or don't have any kids. Why make them suffer for somebody elses mistakes.
1 person likes this
@audraac (109)
• United States
3 Jan 07
Well it is my sister not my mom. Although my mom baby sits for my great nephew (another story).
I wish my sister would let me bring them here and care for them, but I know she would be lost. I know this sounds bad but if somthing ever does happen to my sister. I would fight tooth and nail to make sure that the parents don't get them. I need to remind her to update her living will etc.
1 person likes this
@craftwave (1338)
• United States
3 Jan 07
Good idea. It is so hard when you wnat to help and your hands are tied. Yes definately make sure the will is updated. does she have custody of them or is she just careing for them?
1 person likes this
@audraac (109)
• United States
3 Jan 07
It's hard to say. My great niece (the one my sister is raising), got bit by a dog last year and it malled her arm pretty good. When they went to court and dealt with the settlement etc. (which she will get when she turns 18), my sister had to have their mother appear in court even though she told the judge to let my sister have full custody of the kids. So I'm really not sure at this point. I think I will call my sister today and find out wha tht out come was.
That's another thing when she gets her money at 18 I can see all the losers coming out of the wood work to get a piece of the pie when my sister has made sure that she has been to all dr's visits and attorneys and cared for her all this time.
1 person likes this
@khalid111 (186)
•
4 Jan 07
i havent been raised from my grand parents but i havea very strong relationship with them and have stayed with them a couple of time but i am a man that like to sleep in his own bed
1 person likes this
@lovelylizzie (327)
• United States
3 Jan 07
My mother is practically raising my children and I'm having a hard time coping with it.
our situation is not like your sisters at all. I'm just going to a 3 year school living 1 hour away from my children ..trying to make a career for myself and have a stable future for my children. My parents offered to watch my kids while I go to school and I agreed..My husband picks the kids up everyday after work..but still, my kids are confused and have started to call my mother "momma". I know I shouldn't complain but it's been bugging me that my mother hasn't been correcting my kids when they do this.
I visit my kids at least once or twice a week and come home for the weekends. it's a tough situation and I honestly couldn't imagine leaving my kids with my mom for good..especially since I carried them for so long in my tummy and have knarly strech marks (I had twins at 23).
I don't know, I'm trying my hardest to raise my kids the right way, but my parents spoil the cr*p outta them.. leaving me and my husband with the hard job.
anyway, that's my take on the matter..if the parents are good parents and the situation is for the better of everyone, then it shouldn't be a problem.
@audraac (109)
• United States
3 Jan 07
Hang in there. It will all work out for the best. You and your husband need to stand up to your mother or parents and and let them know that yuo appreciate everything they have done for you but you would appreciate it if she correct them when they call her momma.
Let them spoil them all they want. In the long run you will be out of school and all will be back to normal and as the kids get older if they ever ask youcan always explain to them it was to make their life easier as they get older.
Continue with your schooling and don't let anyone deter you from it. Why you are finished everything will fall into place. I commend you for taking what ever punches are given and getting back up and sticking with it. It is very hard to go to school and have small children.
Keep your head up. :0)
1 person likes this
@limcyjain (3516)
• India
3 Jan 07
this is a very peculiar situaton. A grandmother raising the kids and seems not so well as she is drinking in the kids presence. I would also say why do we give birth when we dont have the guts to bring up our kids and they have to move from one person to another for them being raised.
1 person likes this
@shiboleth (270)
• Canada
3 Jan 07
I think what your sister is doing is highly commendable. I hope that she is able to steer the children on a proper course. It is always sad when parents abandon their responsabilities.
@magikrose (5429)
• United States
3 Jan 07
Currently my mother has my son. He is my oldest. A few years go my husband and I got kicked out of the appartment we were living in and had NO where to go. We stayed in a motel for a while then lived in a camp ground. My son had to start school and we only had 1 car, and my husband needed it for work. My mother and step-father voulenteered to take my son in so he could start school. We went to court to give my parents temporary custody so that they didnt have to track me down for any paperwork. When my husband and I finally found an appartment it was only a 2 bedroom and I also hade 2 little girls at the time. Now we took the appartment because it was a better place to live than living in a shelter.
I talk to my son a few times a week and he comes for weekend visits whenever HE wants to. He is a very happy little boy and things worked out for us.
I hope things can get worked out for you and your family like thay have for mine.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
3 Jan 07
I am nearing the point when I will ask my daughter for custody of her 5 year old son. Her living style is not appropriate to raise a child in. She would have visitation rights. I would never deny either of the having contact. I commend any parent and grandparent that can do this for a family member.
@audraac (109)
• United States
3 Jan 07
I'm glad for grand parents to take over if they can. In certain circumstances I truly understand that there is no other choice. I myself would NEVER let one of my grandchildren be put into the system for someone else to have. I would do what ever it takes to care for that child.
1 person likes this
@dominican (201)
• Philippines
4 Jan 07
I really don't think that I would advise these especially to couples who are married 3 years above. During first 3 years, I could have understand if this is gonna happen because some really doesn't have the parenting knowledge yet. But afterwards the parents should take their responsibility as parents and learn to deal with it.
1 person likes this
@woolfy68 (36)
•
3 Jan 07
my mum left home when i was 5yrs old, i didnt see her again until i was about 14yrs old only to find out she was bringing my sisters child up as her own, it made me feel very resentful in a way because in my head she didnt want me, but was willing to bring up someone elses child even if it was my sisters
1 person likes this
@audraac (109)
• United States
3 Jan 07
I'm sorry for that. I don't understand how people can give up a child and then expect to raise someone elses. I tend to keep an arms length form some people in my family as well (my choice).
I have a situation now that I will be sending my eldest son back home to live with his father. I'm freaking out beacuse he has never really spent much time with him or in my view cared much. But it is something I need to do right now in my life. I will still have full contact with my son and I'm try to get him in a military academy when he goes back home.
1 person likes this
@ilvrshn (463)
• United States
3 Jan 07
Usually someone has to take care of themself before they are able to take on other responsibilities. She can go to a local mental health facility to deal with her proble, maybe take some parenting class. She needs to realize that peoople still love and care about her and that she cannot give up on her children. After you find out the root then that is when she can start picking herself up, find a good job and handle her business!
1 person likes this
@pinkspark (56)
• India
3 Jan 07
this is the best way to raise children as they get more attention and feel more responsible by helping their grand parets.
@audraac (109)
• United States
3 Jan 07
I wish that were the case. They have completely have taken over and are out of control. There is no structure or male figure for my nephew. They only have my sister and their aunt. And my family. When I talk to my sister on the phone sometimes I have to talk to them because I can hear them screaming and arguing with each other.
1 person likes this
@rommelramos (75)
• Philippines
3 Jan 07
grandparents responsibility over his family does not end to his siblings but down to his grand siblings until he's alive...
@luv_kumar (27)
• India
4 Jan 07
i think thah grand parents take care of children more carefully
they have more time to sdpen
d
