The biggest loser: Do you have a relative who qualifies?

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I do: my estranged father. Not only has he married and divorced at least 5 times, he has also involved himself with selling trailer homes, breeding horses to sell (however, they didn't sell and are eating him into utter poverty), pyramid and get-rich-quick schemes, but the icing on the cake is this: While I was living abroad, I had tried to call my grandmother (his mother), several times, unsuccessfully. My father lives (scot-free, pardon the not-very p.c. expression) in her deceased mother's house next door (in southern Kentucky). I figured I'd try to send him an e-mail to ask my grandmother to get in touch with me (she didn't have her answering machine on at the time). So as I searched for his address, I found him on a site for 'Ukrainian brides'. There he was in full cowboy regalia (he spent the greater part of his life up here in Michigan and New York), boasting of his fidelity to family and partner. My good-ol', low-life, deadbeat, trailer-selling, hick of a father. Can anyone top that???