Why are guys so insensitive?
@western_valleygirl (1363)
United States
January 4, 2007 10:54pm CST
Sometimes you think that they can be really sweet and charming, but then, when they do certain things, they can be so dense.
Since we have been so busy lately, I usually try to cook something really easy, and if it was warmer, my husband would BBQ. The other day, he wanted burritos for dinner, now usually, I make burritos and chicken fajitas, since in my family they love fajitas more. But lately, he has been grossed out by chicken, so I figured he would not want fajitas.
Then he invites his best bud over for dinner too, and they both come home from work, only to find beef burritos. And he looks at me like, "where is the chicken?" I explained the situation to him, and I did not think it was a big deal...but I guess that he wanted the fajitas, because his friend was over.
It was so embarassing, but it was all a misunderstanding. How was I to know that he would eat them? And then, to have two hungry guys (obviously there weren't enough burritos for the three of us), was bad enough.
It was such a mess and he still doesn't understand why I am upset...he thinks he is the only one who should have been upset.
7 people like this
44 responses
@hassanchop (820)
• United States
5 Jan 07
Well, first of all, your title was inaccurate. Your husband is not more than one guy, so putting "why are guys so insensitive" is using one thing your husband did to stereotype guys in general, and that's not exactly fair to us.
Second, did you explain to him that you didn't make chicken because he has been grossed out by chicken lately, so you figured he wouldn't want any? And by the way, did he call prior to coming home, to let you know he was bringing his buddy over? If not, he should have called and asked you to make some chicken fajitas. But if you weren't sure, it would have been a good idea to ask him if he wanted fajitas or not anyways, even if your chance to talk about dinner would have been before your husband brought his buddy over or told you he was bringing him over.
It's as tired of a cliche as anything, but it's all about communication. I still don't get how it's that hard to miss - the easiest way to solve this stuff is to talk about it, and hammer out a way to resolve this situation in the future.
@western_valleygirl (1363)
• United States
5 Jan 07
As I was writing my discussion, I just sighed, and thought, "why are guys so insensitive?" so it has stayed with me and I used it as my title...
But it is good to get the point of view of a guy, and I know exactly what you mean about communication, and it being a cliche. I, too, always tell people communication, communication...but then in the end, I end up not even realizing that I have got the same problem.
Looking back at our conversation, and yes, he did tell me that he was bringing home his friend, I heard him mention something about chicken, but I am not sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing, since he was working, and talking really fast.
I have learned though, that things are easier said than done, we end up saying we will communicate more, but sometimes it is so much harder in everyday life...and we don't even have children.
@puma_nz (999)
• New Zealand
5 Jan 07
If I were you I would have told him to cook them himself.. When my man invites his friends over, He COOKS not me.. If he doesnt like what I cook then he starves or he cooks it himself.. He doesnt complain and its pretty much how it is in my household anyway.
1 person likes this
@western_valleygirl (1363)
• United States
5 Jan 07
My husband loves to BBQ and there are a lot of things that he does cook and do around the house, but it is so weird how he got offended and upset because there was no chicken fajitas. I am starting to think that he has become attached to my cooking.
Today his friend called and said that he loved the burritos and my husband told him that next time he will try the chicken fajitas too. That made me feel better, because I had been so embarassed that his friend thought I was being stingy with my cooking or something.
@Adrenochrome (1653)
•
6 Jan 07
Puma, as a man I have to agree with the way you run the household. If I want it, I have to get off my backside and get it.
Men are not insensitive though, I just feel that the gentleman was shocked that his wife had made the no fajitas decision unilaterally. Whilst Valleygirl (I may have made a mistake with your name, if so I apologise) may have felt she was acting in good faith, a simple question to the man, as to, 'why are you not enjoying your chicken, dear, - do you fancy a change?', could have prevented this embarrassing moment. But, instead the lady made a decision to change their acquired habit of Burritos and Fajitas.
Personally, I'd have just served cheese and biscuits as a desert, with the coffee, and no-one would have gone hungry. Wasn't it nice and considerate of the friend to call, and say thanks.
Why, oh why, do women make lifechanging decisions without at least consulting their man first, and why don't women open up a bit more, and communicate, rather than keeping these things too themselves?
@sbeauty (5865)
• United States
5 Jan 07
It's not that guys are so insensitive, it's just that they think on a different wavelength than women do. I've been married 30 years, and my husband still expects me to know what he wants even though he doesn't say anything to me about it. Like your husband with the chicken. Men honestly don't understand the things that bother women, because the same things wouldn't bother them. You just have to resign yourself to the fact that your husband is always going to be "dense" when it comes to understanding your feelings, and concentrate on the sweet things he does.
1 person likes this
@danishcanadian (28955)
• Canada
6 Jan 07
30 years, and you're definitely onto something!!! If they want something all they have to do is ASK but they don't!!! (my boyfriend, last night, AARRGGHH!!)
30 years with a man??? WOW! That's brave!!!
@western_valleygirl (1363)
• United States
5 Jan 07
Congratulations on the 30 years, I can only hope that we keep it together as you have done, and I wish you many more years of happiness. Your advice and the fact that you know where I am coming from is greatly appreciated. Sometimes, you just need to hear from someone who has been there too, and you start to feel better.:) Thank you.
@Omaghphil (75)
•
5 Jan 07
your man needs to wise up, sounds like a big kid. I do all the cooking for my girlfriend... probably cause she can't cook, though i give her 8 out of 10 for effort. Just simply tell your man that you are not as giftd as he is, you cannot read minds like him.
1 person likes this
@western_valleygirl (1363)
• United States
5 Jan 07
Very interesting comment. Yes, he thinks I can read his mind, but I only know what he is thinking sometimes. And I am actually the better cook, I like to consider myself very chef-like, which is also why I was embarassed by the situation. But I am glad to know that you are the cook in your relationship, it is a nice quality, and girls, I believe do not take guys for granted, because it is so rare to find a guy that will do the cooking in the relationship. Even male chefs tend to not cook at home. But female chefs are expected to cook at home and work.
@Sawsen (793)
• United States
5 Jan 07
That's a tough case though, because I've been on both sides of the fence before. I think you had the right to be upset because you were going with your gut instinct that he doesn't like chicken so why do it with chicken. And he was going with the belief that ground beef wasn't going to be enough for everyone, so where's the chicken? lol if that makes any sense. Hopefully it all worked out for the best in the end, and everyone was full and happy.
1 person likes this
@resasour (378)
• United States
5 Jan 07
First of all, it would have been a common courtesy to let you know that he would like to invite someone over for dinner. Better yet, to get your approval since you would be the one doing the cooking.
Guys just do not think sometimes. But you need to let him know that it was totally inappropriate for him to bring someone home for dinner without getting the ok first.
Therefore he has no reason to be upset. And you have reason to be as you did not plan the meal based on having an extra mouth to feed as you were not aware that there would be any.
totally inconsiderate..
@mansha (6298)
• India
5 Jan 07
My hubby helps me out if there is someone else around for dinner unanounced. Indian food is really easy and you just have to add a simple additional dish and some more roties (Indian bread) and some rice and curd then you are done. It hardly takes extra fiteen minutes to create something else and the guests can have few drinks by the time dinner is laid. That way I think I am lucky as he often manages to help me out. He is a great cook himself. You should ask your hubby to better inform you next time someone is over. You also could have coked a little something like salad or anything else to add to your main dish then may be the situation wouldn't have gone so out of hand. I think you do have a right to be upset though.
@western_valleygirl (1363)
• United States
5 Jan 07
Unfotunately, he did say he was bringing someone else over. However, I had asked him if that would be enough, I even asked if he would like something else. And he had said that the burritos would be enough...I think he thought that the fajitas were part of "burritos." And he does help out, when we have dinner parties. And you both are absolutely right about being told first before a guest comes over, he does do that...but I know so many people that do not, so I can't say that against my husbund.
@prasad1961 (5597)
• India
6 Jan 07
May be! Coz They are more exposed to the outer world. So it is the tendency to get saturation in sensitiveness! Thats true! Even ladies of call girl nature were also more insensitive due to their profile. We have to adjust it for according to the character we entertained! But it is not with all in common.
@danishcanadian (28955)
• Canada
6 Jan 07
Guys do stuff like that...even the most mature guys in the world!!! Sometimes i think that all guys are crazy!
@Chiriac (286)
• Romania
5 Jan 07
The insensitivity you see in males is our characteristic of getting to the point; just the facts m'ame; shortest distance ...is a straight line. we dont play games. we call it like we see it. with relationships with some women (which make us suspect then of all women) you have to play games and deal with their raging hormones controlling their lives.
yeah men are insensitive, we are pigs, but we will admit it. women cant admit squat when it comes to personality faults.
@tba123 (457)
• United States
5 Jan 07
I really don't think guys try to be so insensitive. I think because men and women are so different, we just both see things different. Where we might see the guy as being insensitive if that wasn't his intention then we're being overly emotional. When it all boils down to a big misunderstanding most of the time.
While this is easily said a lot of times its not that easy to remember especially when you fill your guy has done something insensitve.
This situaton here seems like a big misunderstanding that will probably blow on over as long as you both just let it be.
@western_valleygirl (1363)
• United States
5 Jan 07
Yes, that is what I told him. I said, you know this is just some misunderstanding, we are both embarassed that we had company over, and it went downhill. But I hope that we can both let it be, because even the most pathetic situations can be blown way out of proportion. Thanks for understanding.
@sabrina_sush (34)
• India
6 Jan 07
ya not all men behave like tat it depends on the person n the situation
@poohandchocolate (348)
• United States
16 Jan 07
He shouldn't have been upset with you. You spent the time to cook for him, and you didn't know he was bringing someone over. You were doing what you usually do. He should have called to let you know someone was coming so then you could make more. And you didn't expect him to want chicken so you were looking out for him and trying to do what you thought he wanted. Don't be upset. You didn't do anything wrong. Try talking to him about it and work it out. Let him know he should call you to let you know if someone is coming over. I always make more than enough just in case, and then there's always more for later. I don't think we'll ever find out why guys are so insensitive.
@zainogenius (289)
• Pakistan
5 Jan 07
well they r all not so sensitive and he was ur hubby s best bud why should he mind he must have the capability to understand he was an UNXPECTED vistor just in case u dont have to blame ur self for this!!
chill...i hope my respond make u feels better!!: )
@muralimullapudi (157)
• India
5 Jan 07
I don't agree that they are insensitive, only that they don't show off that they care! They do definitely care....but they don't express it externally!
@shashimangu (259)
• India
5 Jan 07
I dont think this is right on your part to call all the mens race as insensitive considering your husband.There are always people with different qualities.For example most of my friends call me sensitive and im a guy!
@matloobulhassan (60)
• Pakistan
5 Jan 07
it changes from person to person, every one has its own preferences.some care about guls alot, some dont.
