How do I get this looser away from my Mother?

Thank for your comments. I know I am not alone in this department but I was hoping for a little more "Hope" on the subject. Maybe someone out there found something that worked.:)

Thank you so much for your sincere thought out response. Unfortunately that is how most of this got started. All we did was talk with her and explain that she needed to protect herself and asked her to really consider a prenup before marriage. We explained to her that they are not two young kids starting out with nothing. In this initial conversation we did not state our opinion of him being a gold digger, even though we had our thoughts. She did listen and did agree but when she spoke with him about the idea he spent the next fee months convincing her that her children were only worried about our inheritance not in her well being. After being told day in and day out I think she folded into believing him to some point. Now there is no talk over any sort of prenup he claims he has to have a marriage for their relationship to work, although he openly tells her she is no good with money and that he will have to take over the expenses.(This is a big joke, she is excellent with money) It is so frustrating, but I will be there to pick her up when the pieces fall because she is my Mother and I will take care of her no matter where her mistakes take her. So far she says her gut feeling prevents her from marrying him I just hope he doesn't win. As far as their age difference goes, if he made her truly happy it would not bother me but as it is now I truly beg her that if they are to marry not to let him be the decision maker over any medical events that may occur. It is important that he does not have the power to do anything such as put her in a nursing home. She is only 68 and he already talks about her as if she needs someone to look after her because she is aging. Thanks again

Thank you so much your response almost made me cry. I talk with my friends, my family and my husband about this so much I know they are as exhausted as I am over the whole thing. You really seem to understand and I really appreciate your advice. Thank you again and I will try speaking with her again about protecting herself in a none judgemental way of course.

Believe me when I say over the past ten years we have tried this avenue, tried and failed miserably. We never want our Mother to feel as if she is alone. This is her biggest fear. I really think she stays with him because she is afraid that if she doesn't she wont find anyone else. It is pretty sad really, my mother is a beautiful and successful woman that could have any man she put her mind to getting but after being with this man and him point out every little fault she has, she now doubts those abilities. Thanks for your comments..

Funny you would say that because we all know he is only about the $$. My brother had a suggestion: he lives quite a few states away and he was going to call him up and tell him he won the lotery and ask him how much money he would need to walk away from our Mother, he would record his response of course. But the sad thing is I truly feel even if she heard it she wouldn't let herself believe it he has this really strange hold on her and a way of convincing her that he is always right. But thank you and we will keep trying..

Thanks for your thoughts. It is not that I don't like your answer and I have in fact heard it before but at the age of 68 it would be really hard for her to start over and him taking her for every penny is exactly one of the things I am afraid of. If that happened what would she do?

Thank you for your response but the killing him with kindness has been tried and I failed miserably. It is hard to be nice to a man that later tells you, he cannot stand you or your children. He really knows how to hit below the belt and is the king of niceness when he is trying to get back in. His game is much better than mine. Thanks again for the sincere response it means a lot.

Thanks and I have really been trying to do that as of lately. He has just returned again a week ago now after a whole 2 day break up. Sometimes I think she just really likes it when he kisses her butt...This is all I can really make of it.

Thanks for your response. I am very close to my mother and have tried talking with her many many times.

Thank you I really appreciate your thoughts and will try to take your advice to heart. I just wish I could find someone to sweep her off her feet because I know she would be willing to leave him for good if she had another "mans" shoulder to lean on. She is very old school and for some reason feels less than whole without a man on her arm. Thanks again for the very thoughtful response.

Thank you! I very much agree with your advice.:)

Thank you for your response. I have heard this before but maybe I should explain what I see a little clearer. He is mean to her, she was married to a wonderful supporting man for 34 years and does not deserve to be treated this way. I seriously don't understand because as soon as he leaves she sees and points out all the wrongs he has done to her and to her children and grandchildren yet when he returns she has forgotten and has even told us we are lying that she never said that. It is just so hard to see her go through this and I want to help.

Thank you for your response and your advice. I could try this but I am really not a vindictive person so it would not be easy for me to critisize and be I guess mean to anyone. I really do not want to stoop to his level, wish I could but I will not change my personality. Thanks again...

Thank you for your response. My mother is very active in fact it is hard to find her with a free moment but because this man of 58 has not worked in over 25 years he has nothing better to do with his time than follow her around and do each activity with her. Of which she mostly pays for everything. She tries to hide this fact but I have noticed it more than once. He never picks up the bill after they go out to eat he just leaves it sit there and waits for her to get it. But it even goes further than that and I try to show her how wrong this is, she is such a giving person she just keeps giving to him. But when he does leave she explodes about all the money she spends on him and how cheap he is. So we know the truth. It is not like he does not have any money. For one he lives off her and the only bills he has are minimal to say the least. He receives compensation for his back injury every month which is a nice sum of money, or so he tells us. Thanks again for your well thought our advice.

Great insight. Thank you for your response. He is thankfully not her husband as of yet but they met at a singles dance and yeah she was emotionally sensitive at the time because she had just started dating again. He was really the first guy she was with sense my father passed and I do believe she is terrified to be alone again. But how do I help her? Any advice for me?

Thank you. You have so seen my problem with this. I don't want to lose my Mother to him I value our relationship way to much. I have tried fixing her up on a couple dates but nothing stuck. Thanks again.

Thank you for your response I am just so tired of the whole thing that I know I am involving myself too much and working there everyday does not help matters.

Sorry to hear you are going through the same thing that me and my siblings are going through. That's just it I am out of idea's. Thanks for the response and best of luck to you also.