Daughter and father relation

it would be better that your daughter tell her father directly. teens are known to be being frank and open. let you daughter express her feelings to her father. it would be better for her

That is a very hard one.... I have a 17 year old niece that went through something similar. My SIL does her best to never talk badly about her ex in front of the kids, but the guy is an absolute jerk and the niece figured that out when she was around 15. She started coming up with one excuse after another not to go to her dads for the weekend. My 13 yo nephew on the other hand, knows his dad has problems, but he's daddy's boy and still wants to spend weekends with him. But when he comes home from there, he always has behavior problems and it's a mess.... I would suggest you try to talk with your ex about why she doesn't want to see him.... I know she's 15, but maybe you could both go together to talk to him. Good luck.

As you say she is 15 and has a right to say now if she wants to see him or not but I do think she needs to tell him why she dont and if you have a speaker phone you can both talk at the same time to him if he gets abusive ya can always hang up but that wont solve the problem. With a speaker phone or you being by her when she talks to him woould be suportive to her and she can hand you the phone at some point hope this helps some

I can tell you from experience, DON'T get in the middle of this! I went through a custody battle last year over my husbands 16 year old daughter. The mother said the daughter didn't want to visit us. It finally came out in the end that the daughter wanted the same things we did, not what the mother said. Now there are very bad feelings between us and her. Your daughter is a young adult. If she is old enough to make her decisions and want them respected, she is old enough to talk to her father about them. If you start playing the middle man all you are doing is showing your daughter how NOT to handle her own problems and she will never learn. No, it's not going to be a fun conversation and you do need to support her if this is really what she wants. She should also understand that being a young adult brings with it the responsibility of trying to make things work out. When kids are little and mixed up in a divorce, everyone tends to treat them like they will break. But after a while, they really do need to face reality and realize that it's not always pleasant dealing with parents - divorced or not... I don't mean to sound bleak, but it's a tough situation and the earlier your daughter is able to deal with it the better off everyone will be. Just make sure she doesn't shut her father out all together, that doesn't help anyone. Good Luck!

Milagre, I have read alot of the responses, and I feel that you have a good head about this.You know your daughter better than anyone else. You know whether she seems afriad, in such case,stop visits until further information can be gathered. if it is really because of the other woman, maybe they could make the visits at a time when she is not present for the time being. I would suggest to try to get her to at least try to talk with the future step mom, and work on their relationship, so as to make the rest of their encounters better. This is good time to teach that we must be around people that we do not agree with or even like( think obnoxious co-worker) but to be a better person we must learn to accept their ways and deal with them.Help her come up with ways to deal with the new partner. The women may feel the hostiity that your daughter feels and may not know how to handle it, either. As for the father making comments that put her down he is probally just kidding around and thinks that it is funny. I would speak to him about it because it could greatly damage her self esteem, and cause long-term complications if she thinks Dadddy believes she is dumb,fat,lazy Etc. I see this as the biggest problem to the child. Maybe she could talk to him with you there, that way she feels she has your support. But he can see that it is her thoughts she is sharing. Then you can step in if things do get a little heated. But I would prepare her for the things he may respond with to help her feel at ease as someone stated earlier. In the U.S.A. we are obligated to send the child unless there is a question of safety for the child, but at the age of about 13 they are allowed to choose who they live with, I believe you must still send them on visitation, if it is court ordered. I do not know the laws in Portugal. But I am sure if you talk to someone at the courts,or a lawyer, they can inform you of your rights if it has to go that far. i applaude you for caring so much about your daughter and her relationship with her father. Your ? gets a plus.

Is there any kind of law in your country stating that she HAS to go visit him? If not, then just don't take her to see him, or don't take her as often - make sure she has a sort of "surrogate father figure" in her life to replace that influence, but a negative influence is no good influence at all. And definitely research the laws in your country - they are most definitely different than the laws in mine (USA)

If your ex is not an easy person to get along with, he may not be open to having the discussion. Perhaps you should consult a mediator if there is one available in your area. A mediator will sit down with the child and his/her parents to discuss issues that cannot be resolved by the two parents. It would save you a lot of worry and you wouldn't have to talk to him alone. Good luck to you and your daughter. It is a tough situation to be in.

Yes I agree your Daughter is old enough to make up her own mind I had the same with my Son My Daughter sees her Dad but my Son will not have a lot to do with him If your Daughter feels that way support her but she has to tell her Dad herself He is obviously putting the Girl down in front of People so who can blame the Girl not wanting to go to him Just tell her that if that she does not want to see him anymore that is fine and that you understand but explain to her that she has to be the one to tell him as she is old enough now to make her own Decissions in this case I hope that your Girl will get it sorted with him either way

Get your daughter to tell her father, either over the phone or in writing, why she no longer wants to visit him. He probably may not be aware of her hurt feelings in relation to his comments. Just get her to somehow communicate her reasons with her father. Just might rectify matters.

pls accept this opinion of you daughter. she is 15... not a child, not an adult. but with the right to do what she menas, what is ok for herselves. maybe sometimes it will change.

Oh dear this does not sound very good yes I think at 15 years of age it is best for her to tell him otherwise he may think that it is your decision and not hers. Oh that is a horrible thing to say to anyone never mind his own daughter, otherwise if she does not want to talk to him alone she could get somebody else to be with her.

I would just like to say that your daughter is 15 years old, perhaps she wants to spend more time with her friends at the weekend. If she has to go to her dad's one day every weekend, she feels she is missing out on having fun with her friends and who knows maybe she has a boyfriend that she would like to spend time. I think you should talk to her and see if that is part of the problem. If it is then her dad will probably understand that she is growing up and also has her own life. Hope it all works out in the end.

I can understand why your daughter doesn't want to talk to your ex himself. It sounds like he has hurt her feelings on more than one occasion. But I do think that it would be best if she did explain to him that she doesn't wish to see him, because I agree with you that he might think that it is your wish and not hers if she doesn't explain. I don't know. I don't think that she should be forced to spend time with him if it is making her miserable, either way. So if she really feels that she cannot talk to him, then I guess that you really will have to. Maybe you can both talk to him.

situation is not so bad.teach daughter that every day is not same it might changed one day.encourage ur daughter to strong her mind.world is like this but we have to live and counqer this situation.learn to fight against bad situation.....

Divorce is an ugly situation. Children do tend to pit one parent against another. I have a similar situation. My step daughter tollerates her Mother at best on good days and other days, they get along like best friends. My child is 13 and at 12 confronted her Mother that she wanted to live with her Father. It wasn't easy, but it is working out for the best, the Mother has her freedom and the child has stability. At 15, your daughter needs to speak with her Father about what is being said and why she does not want to visit him. Prepare her for what he might & could say to help eleviate this stress. Prepare yourself for what your ex is going to relatiate with. If this is truely what your daughter wants, she will find the courage deep inside and will stand up to him, the best you can do is support her decisions and be there for her to vent. Please do encourage her to have some sort of relationship with him, even if it is extremely strained, maybe by e-mail would be better.

Very difficult and problamatic. Step dad is not like real dad, so need to adopt a tric so that her step dad understand that her step daughter dislike his present behavour and want more affection like a dad.

Coming from a broken home myself I know how your daughter feels. I didnt want to go with my father much either because he didnt know how to react to a girl. My mom convinced to to tell my dad how I felt and what was bothering me, and it worked. After that my dad did more things with me for the better. Keep trying to get her to talk to him and tell her how she feels that is the only way he is gong to know.

First find out exactly why your daughter doesn't want to go to her father. Then, you need to have a talk with your ex, and explain to him that his daughter doesn't want to see him any more. This agreement that you have with your ex, is it a verbal agreement between the 2 of you, or is it a court agreement. If you have a lawyer who handled the divorce, then see if he has to have visitation, especially if your daughter doesn't want to visit. There might be other legal ramifications, if this isn't handled properly.

y do give a damn wat he thinks abt u??? he's ur ex so let him think wat eva he wants to...if u want ur daughter to live uch more normally then leave it upto her whether she wana meet him or not

As I understand it, once the child is 13 it becomes the child's decission. So, she really should be able to choose how often she has to see her father. You may have to go to court to get the agreement changed, but I'm almost positive that the age is 13 in the courts.