Spying on an ex with MySpace
By Shar11
@Shar11 (419)
United States
January 8, 2007 5:44pm CST
I have a girlfriend who is just torturing herself by looking at her ex-boyfriends myspace page daily!I ask her why she does this if it always seems to make her really upset...
She says she just wants to know what he's doing...
She doesn't harass him by sending messages or leaving rude comments but she did in recent weeks make a fake profile of some fictionary girl just to talk to him...which seems totally WRONG to me...
It also seems a little over the edge and it worries me..What she is really doing is spying on him and invading his privacy while causing herself lots of hurt in the process...
She says its helping her to see what a jerk he is and that helps her get over him. But I wonder if it's actually just keeping her attached to him in some negitive way...
I advised her it would be best to just "let gooooo" and concentrate on healing in another way but she seems to feel that she can't....
Do you know someone who has done this or have you done this yourself?I don't know how to make her see the light..I hate seeing her hurting herself this way each day...
2 people like this
42 responses
@mrstigs (63)
• United States
9 Jan 07
Encourage her to forget about him and his myspace page. Heck he might even know she's looking and using that against her by posting stuff to provoke her.
Ask her what if she would think it was acceptable behavior if she had to do this in person. For example, would she feel that it was just as healthy if she was going to his work and looking at what he was doing or looking into his windows and following him around when he went places.
Maybe that will help her see that this is unhealthy behavior and its time to move on
@euniceeleanor (5967)
• Singapore
9 Jan 07
by doing that, i think it's because he still have a special place in her heart, and she still have feelings for this guy. in some way, she's hoping that they might get together again. you've tried to talked to her, but obviously, it fell on deaf ear. my advice will be to let her be, let her be hurt and be there to support her when that happen.
1 person likes this
@Shar11 (419)
• United States
9 Jan 07
Yeah she still does have feelings but I dont think its love..I think it may be more of an unhealthy emotional attactment..He never treated her good to begin with so I wonder if she could have truly loved someone like that...
As much as I want her to move on and meet someone else..my guess is shes best to work on loving herself first...so yes, I will just let her know what a wonderful person I think she is on the inside and let her know when she needs me I am here...
@MissGia (955)
• United States
9 Jan 07
Wow! why would someone want to do that to themselves?If its over its over..there is gonna be nothing positive coming out of spying on his myspace page, nor does it show that your getting over it. Honestly i think she needs therapy or something, this isnt normal.She is basically living a double life Via Myspace so she can pretend to be someone else just to talk to him..WTF? tell you friend to just go out and meet someone else, that way she can ber herself..
1 person likes this
@Shar11 (419)
• United States
9 Jan 07
I know....
she knows she going to get upset when she goes to his page..she knows she will see things that will bother her...
why make it harder? I dont get it either..I dont buy into "it helps me to move on" line either..Shes not just lying to him..shes lying to herself...ouch
@idrob2006 (317)
• Indonesia
9 Jan 07
I just want to know, how long ago did your girlfriend brake up with his ex? if it is been a while, then it means your girlfriend still could not accept the fact that they already break up.
@Ciniful (1587)
• Canada
8 Jan 07
It's also stalking, which is illegal.
I'm sorry for your friend, really I am ... but what she's doing is wrong, and there's no other way to softsoap it. Have you asked her how she'd feel if the situation were reverersed? If it were him making fake profiles and talking to her .. spying on her constantly? I'm sure she wouldn't be amused.
As for what else you can say to make her understand, unfortunately there likely isn't much. You can't babysit her when she's online and make her conduct herself properly. What she's doing isn't healthy, for him or for her. Actions like this don't help her move on, it helps her HOLD on, completely the opposite of her reasoning for doing it.
1 person likes this
@Shar11 (419)
• United States
9 Jan 07
I agree 100%
You know I guess one thing I could do is refuse to discuss with her all the crap she sees on his page..who hes talking to, what he said bla bla bla...Just sorta say "I dont want to hear about it because I think its unhealthy for you and a wrong thing to do" and then let her know at the same time that although thats not a topic I want to touch, if she does want to instead talk about her feelings or ways to just let go, I am there all the way...
thanks
@onehawtmama (18)
• United States
25 Jan 07
I think you did as much as you could and said what you could to her. If she is still going to do this and hurt herself then there is no stopping her!
1 person likes this
@icequeen (2840)
• Canada
9 Jan 07
Well first of all that is stupid. If she is now in a relationship with you...why does she care what her ex..is doing? Maybe she still has feelings for him? I would be angry if I were you. You need to ask her...what is up? She should forget her ex..and his business and life and concentrate on you and her new life...and if she can't then ask yourself why?
1 person likes this
@lesterdsa (1638)
• India
9 Jan 07
she must be really crazy behind that guy ,i have not done it before n dont wana do it ever
@Crystallanelle24 (90)
• United States
8 Jan 07
Ive caught myself doing that. I guess its a normal thing to, well in my situation it is. See i was cheated on by my ex husband. Its kind of a horrible thing but it was even worse that i was preggers. Well, to make a long story short, hes with a new girl, and i could careless, but hes doing the same thing to her, and i want to tell her, but of course its not my business. I shouldnt be involved, but my oldest daughter (his daughter) goes over there and i dont want her getting attached to this girl and then it turns out how our marriage did. Unless she has a good reason for doing it, its just best to let it go and move on. I guess i should too.
1 person likes this
@agogos (32)
• United States
8 Jan 07
I agree... what she really needs is some time away with her friends! I would suggest that you try to get away or distract her, let her know that the best way to get over him is to realize that what's going on now, around her is so much better! Once she realizes that the present is better than the past, she's sure to drop this dangerous stalking!
1 person likes this
@Geminigirl (1909)
• United States
8 Jan 07
I think you gave her some good advice. If she is not with this guy anymore, she should move on and not waste her time on him. Plenty of other fish in the sea!
1 person likes this
@ponnambalaji (1)
• United States
9 Jan 07
I have heard about such things.... Usually if a guy likes a girl and if the girl does not like the girl, he does such type of things...Same would be the case of girls...They just want to know what the person they are loving is doing by going into their profiles everyday....
1 person likes this
@sirensanssmile (3764)
• Netherlands
9 Jan 07
You are right though, it is keeping her attached. That is bad for her and she should be working on moving on without looking at his myspace or trying to talk to him with a fake profile.... It is only increasing the pain.
I have never known anyone that does this, but most of my friends are men anyway. I hae never done this either. I do hope that she sees the light and stops hurting herself like this. A man just isn't worth hurting yourself over.
1 person likes this
@r0ck_r0ck (1952)
• India
9 Jan 07
may b she loves him till now! n if so i know how it feels this way cuz i am in a same situation! just one suggestion let it b how the things r! u cant change it 4 sure! trust me!
1 person likes this
@tuishta (147)
• India
9 Jan 07
Oh MY GOD!!! My friend did the exact same thing!!!!!!! her ex was a real jerk and after they broke up she would go to his hi5 account daily and look at his pictures with his new gf and literally torture herself and i would tell her whyyy you doing this and she would say the same thing that she wanted to see what a jerk he was. But now after a few months she has gotten over him and she finally doesn't go view his profile. I think she needed to really B***H and abuse the SH*T outta him and make him look really bad in front of everyone.After they broke up that was all she could talk about but now I think she has got her closure.hhehe
@huashua337 (98)
• Taiwan
9 Jan 07
Hmm... I think you should sit down and talk with her, let her vent out her bad experiences with her ex. Talking helps heal wounds, and so does time. So yeah, try to convince her to not look at her ex's myspace or anything.
@knightsangel69 (177)
• Australia
9 Jan 07
Yes i know someone who has done the exact same thing, she split with her boyfriend and started checking out his myspace.. even though it hurt. But in the end it all worked out..it sounds cruel but let her keep doing what she is doing as long as she isnt being rude to him with messages...they soon get bored find someone else more interesting and their over it in a flash...i thought like you i became quite concerned as well... but facing the facts and knowing and seeing what the other person is about and seeing how quickly he got over it, just makes the healing process a lot quicker.... and she(the girl i know) is much happier.
1 person likes this
@avs189 (1030)
• India
9 Jan 07
Sorry buddy to say but ur new girlfriend seems to be double minded ,as she is not able to forget her past and get along with the life , i guess chewing the same fact again an again would hurt her further more deeply , so i suggest u to advice her that bygone is bygone ,start with new fresh life and forget evrything that has happened with her fast and be firm in her decisions !!!!!!!1
