Problem with my realtionship :( Please Help!!!
By 20021985
@20021985 (109)
India
January 9, 2007 12:25am CST
Hi all,I need your help with my relationship.
I have been into this relationship with my gal for 6 years now. we were in same school. we both were in chennai together few months back but i had to move from there to delhi 2 months back because of my job. She was not very comfortable there all alone. She used to work as Air Hostess for Jet Airways. When ever i used to talk to her she mostly cried on phone as she was all alone there. I started looking for more opportunities that she could grab on in Delhi. I got her an interview call at Indigo Airlines as Air Hostess. She came for the interview and got thru all the rounds but she was asked to keep in touch for the final result.
In the meantime while her results were out she moved in with some local gals at chennai. Her room-mates were not so decent. They used to bring guys to the house daily and such stuffs. She was not very happy with the situation but she was trying to adjust. When she got selected for Indigo, she was not ready to join cz she felt she would be able adjust back there. But i was not too sure of her decision. I felt if later she feels bad she would have no other option so i forced her to join Indigo as i could take care of her in Delhi.
She joined indigo but this is where problems start. I keep feeling that she doesnt acknowledge whatever i do for her. I travel 30 Km back n forth just to go meet her or if we have to go somewhere. I first pick her up and thn go n thn drop her back. No1 at her place had time to take her to doc when she was ill. I travelled 60 Km just to take her to doc. If she needs anything i am there but if i am in need i need to take care that i dont call her if she is out or if she is with parents or any blah blah. She keeps saying she doesnt want loose me. But she also says what ever you do this is something every1 will do. She now says she wont be able to adjust with my father. My father is lil strict but that is for me. Every1 in her and my family know abt our relationship. I feel she doesnt care about what i do for her or for that matter what i need from her. She keeps saying i am like this only. What should i do??? How can i help myself?? How should i make her understand that i need her in my tough times. Its not just about movies and telephonic conversation. I want her to understand that i am missing what i expected.
4 people like this
18 responses
@mansha (6298)
• India
9 Jan 07
Hey I say any person girl or a boy f they are not there for you in tough times are not worth keeping around. Just drop her and find someone new. She is being highty mighty and probably her interests hve changed and is just keeping you around as you are around and till she makes up her mind. By the way whats you phone nuber when I come to Delhi I might need someone to pick me up and drop me to my destination and as you are running a free service.........lol. Just joking.
1 person likes this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
9 Jan 07
I think you need to sit down and have long serious talk with this girl about where your relationship is going. It has to be a 50-50. One can't give more than the other. She has to be there for you, just as well as you have to be for her. My husband is always there for me but I tend to take him for granted sometimes. I know it is wrong but I am trying to work on it. If you can't work it out you will have to decide is it worth the pain staying in the relationship. One other thing just because someone makes a comment about a free service don't assume it must be a female because it is a loose comment. I am a female and sometimes I may make a joke but it is in fun and I am not loose. I just have a good sense of humour.
@lilbitgreen (167)
• United States
10 Jan 07
I agree with Linda. It does have to be 50-50. Have you talked with her about this and if so has she made an effort? if you have and she hasn't maybe it is time for you to move on.I understand that may be very hard to do but you will find that you will bemuch happier and it will give you a chance to find someone who cares for you the way you will for them. In a relationship you have a right to be happy and made happy from your significant other and they have a right to get the same in return. Good luck you are defintely in a hard place. I hope everything works out for you which ever road you chose to take
@raynald_butars (10)
• Indonesia
10 Jan 07
I think you have said the keywords. You are missing what your originally expected. Please just ignore the 6 years relationship. There is no standard period of relationship time to tell whether you have found someone to share your life. I would say that 6 years is too long to finally notice differences and not being comfortable with it. But again if you look at the bright side, you have spend only 6 years compare to some people that might take longer, even worse needed to file for divorce.
So consider youself to be a little bit luckier than others. You may want to be selfish and look what you are actually need now, the next year, the next five years, and so on. Never expect someone to appreciate what you have done for that special someone, because there is no clear measurement of that. When somebody understand and appreciate the things that you have to go through in order to make her comfortable, the opposite site also apply to that person. She has to understand you too, and if she is not I think God creates millions of individuals with uniqeness which to give all of us abundant choices.
So be selfish for yourself now.
@20021985 (109)
• India
10 Jan 07
Thank You all for your suggestions....you all have been of such a great help. I did not write everything as i thought no one would go through such a long post. So here is an addition. When ever i say if you not comfortable in this relationship then lets just split up for some time and realize our priorities. The moment i say this she shouts BREAK UP?? and tears start falling outta her eyes and the way she cries makes my heart melt instantaneously. When i tell her that this is what i am missing and have missed all my life and i want it from you she has to reply this....i am like this only. I know i am wrong but i dont know what has madde me so selfish.
I dont really wanna disclose what has made me so emotional as a human being but i dont wanna restrict her from anything coz of this. See i dont mind she saying me that she likes someone else as i dont wanna force her to love me. But the ting is she does everything when she feels like doing not actually when i need it immensely. Few days back she said i will move to mumbai, My parents will be transferred there my bro will be there and i will make frenz there so i will be happy. i was feeling its about u u n only u. in your whole statement i did not come into picture. No thinking as to how i would feel here?? Why cant you make friends here?? Am i incapable of keeping you happy here?? she said even if my parents dont come to mumbai i will have new friends there by the time i settle in job. So y cant those frenz be made here and apart frm those frenz even i wd be here....anyways its ur call i have to support it. But how do i explain her that this is working coz am adjusting....i feel so...(i may be wrong). May be i am expecting her to sacrifise her career and be there for me. But she always gave me an impression that she cannot do alone. She either needs her parents or me to be there physically to support her. So now i have stopped suggesting her. From past few weeks i have been trying to concentrate on everything and not her. It feels light but if you ask my heart i thing i dont wanna loose her, i dont know why. I think one tends to sacrifice his/her self respect/ ego in this relationship. I dont know what has madde me adjust in everything she says. How do i make her understand all this??
@mpl8476 (65)
• Philippines
10 Jan 07
i know i don't have the right to give advise to you because i don't know you personally but in your situation that you sacrifice anything and everything for that girl simply because you love her. i think if she really love you, she will be more than willing to sacrifice too. action speaks louder than words, that's very much true. don't believe everything that she says. just observe her or your relationship with her. assess your feelings for her and you'll see, you'll find the answers to your questions. goodluck!
@foxsoon (150)
• Australia
10 Jan 07
I second that. But if you notice things are really going out of hand, honestly, if I were you I'd just forget about the relationship. There's a lot of girls out there and she might not be your soul-mate. I would honestly felt stupid that I was doing so much for her while she doesn't appreciate a thing, so the best thing is to ignore and slowly further away from her, which actually makes her come crawling back if she realized how important are you to her. Take a break from a relationship, don't take it too steamy all the time. My mum told me before, it's just like fishing which in a way of course you may need to be patient.
And in the past I was literally all over the place for this girl and she doesn't appreciate it. Now my head is concentrating on my career while this girl maybe after a few broke ups and stuff realizes how important I was to her in the past and she just wants to get back and closer to me these days. But since I already set my goals, of course I'm not thinking of it much, let her do the job getting back into a relationship this time. But knowing her so long, I know I still have a feeling towards her, but I guess the best thing is to set your goals what you want and slowly achieve it. Assess yourself, plan and set your goals and head out for it.
I guess I can give you this sentence....
"If she's meant for you, she's meant for you. You force it, you lose it."
Take it cool and let her realize you are the one everyone is focusing on not her (the world is concentrating on you at the moment).
=) Don't worry I guess, you got all the good buddies on myLot definitely helping you out as long as you ask. Be strong and may the force be with you~!
@mangmamani (134)
• Philippines
10 Jan 07
It is very hard to be understanding. It requires patience and tolerance. Why dont you try telling her that you are expecting something more or may be she is keeping something from you. You know talking is one way of knowing whats your needs and may be you could learn something too. In the end its up to you if you are tired or would you keep understanding her for you love her. So try talking and maybe you will know what to do then.
@Shaibor (60)
• India
10 Jan 07
gal are always like that but you have to understand them first.one thing i would like to tell you is that your genuine love for hee matters and she might not pay rspect to you noew as you haave said but ultimately love win over everthing.and this applies to aanything in this world not just to your relationship as friends but even in your family relationship.but alway be alert about her whether she really loves you from her heart or just for some other motives.also remember this in your mind she is always 5years mature to you even if you were of the same age.its better to be not responsible for her for some situation she alone can handle and to test her faithfulness to you by being away from her ,by not contacting her sometimes.
@seenoreen (559)
• Philippines
10 Jan 07
I also suggest that you talk to her seriously. Tell her what you feel. If she really loves you, she will listen and understand you. If she doesn't, then I don't think you are on the same boat. It would be better for you to move on because if it's only a one sided relationship, it won't last.
Since I don't know you personally, it's best that you think over everything after talking to her before you make any decision.
@aryangentleman (1122)
• India
10 Jan 07
Well I read your's problem quite seriously and I can feel the mental agony and pain you going through right now.I am not sure what other people have advised you but my advice is that you should have a serious review of yours relationship and do sit with her and TALK. What happen is that when you are in college the bond between you and yours girl is more laced with romantic notions and the seriousness of a relationship is very much misinterpreted. At that time boys go out way to be helpful for their girls and this becomes a taken for granted syndrome. Now you have walked into a serious world where you got to make your own moves, while balancing all the relationship around you. Your girlfriend I guess has not grownup as you have grown up and your's existence and deeds for her is taken on the lighter platter of life, its just like a notion that relationship will be working on the same ground rules by which you two have lived last 6 years and she been use to is, is taking for granted. For me that's not a mature sign on her part. My final advice to you will be, explain her how things hurt you and how you see the future with her. Let her heart open and let her see where she find place in future with you.
@chiquita1977 (1706)
• United States
10 Jan 07
well you need to talk to her and tell her how you feel about this situation.explain to her that a relationship is supose to be 50-50 and that you do all this for her and you expect the same from her and that she should be their for you through the bad times just like you would be there for her through any bad times.it seems like she takes you and your relationship for granted.I would talk to her im sure she will understand where you are comming from and i am a female and i for one know that there is not many guys out there that will do all this for a girl.you must be a great guy she should be doing the same for you as you do for her.
@SageMother (2277)
• United States
10 Jan 07
It sounds as if you started doing things for her without her actually you to so.
When you do things for people you cannot expect thiem to make themselves available to you if you have notdefined your relationship as boyfriend/girlfriend, or you are not getting married. It doesn't seem that your expectations of undying gratitude from her, are reasonable.
If you are expecting something more then you have to be up front with her. It is unfair that you are doing alot of things for her but you have chosen to do so. If you cannot have whatever it is you want from your helping her, then you will have to stop helping her. I am sure she will find some way to manage.
@xmanofsteel69 (458)
• Canada
10 Jan 07
It appears as though forcing her into this new job has really messed things up for both of you. You should not have forced anything upon her. If she wanted to do that, she would have. As for her saying it would take time to adjust, give it time. Because you acted very selfish about her moving closer to you, it actually (most likely) pushed her away. She's a grown girl and needs to make her own decisions. I don't think parents or anything else is really affect this at all.
@cwgrlsarefun (1581)
• United States
10 Jan 07
I would suggest that if you really feel for her they way you do then the two of you need to sit down together so that you can tell her how you feel. I should say however that you should never do things just because you are expecting something in return. You do things because you want to not for what you might get in return.
@subha12 (18441)
• India
10 Jan 07
I think you talk with her clearly. You should also undersatnd what she wants. In every relationship, there are the responsibility of both. you should let her undersatnd that she should also take some responsibily as you take. Also make it clear that she is no more interested in you or not.
@kushal24 (200)
• India
10 Jan 07
see pal i think you 2 should sit and talk about the relationship.you tell us that you 2 are in a relatinship for abt 6 years now so there is love somewhere you just have to rediscover it and then everything will be allright.trust me.open your heart to her and she will understand you
@laurawarde (388)
• United States
10 Jan 07
Love can truly stink sometimes-huh? I think for any relationship to work out, there needs to be an equal amount of giving and taking on both ends. Seems to me like she is doing all of the taking while you are doing the giving. It can not work like that. You need to talk to her and tell her exactly how you feel. Give her examples. If you both want the relationship to work out, it looks like there will have to be some type of changes made. Is she willing to do that? Perhaps you should stop giving so much and let her see what happens? Good luck and if she is not willing to make some changes, seek another woman that will appreciate you! :)
@natuser28 (907)
• United States
10 Jan 07
From what you tell me, this sound like a hit and miss relationship. Maybe the two of you show take a break for awhile so you can re-energize the relationship.
Are you planning to marry her one day?
@faustinodioso (155)
• Philippines
10 Jan 07
Understanding both party,relationship in along distance sometime causes cold feeling's to each other.You need to look for another relationship.Because if you feel something good for her and she does'nt care about your caring its unfair,Why dont you try her to convince a vacation and go to a place which and where you can talk to her about your relationship.
@cuddlie4ya (58)
• United States
9 Jan 07
if shes loves you as much as she says she does than talk to her...tell her how you feel. If you guys want this to work you have to communicate with eachother. And if it doesnt work out remember everything happens for a reason....good luck
