Why are two siblings so different?

Because you are two different people. Different personalities, temperments, and the fact that people can't truly treat other people exactly the same make it so. You might think that you two ahd the same experiences...but it's just not so. Although it would be impossible anyway...unless you were with your brother every second of every day then you don't know his entire life story.

My first thought on this is there is no way that you were raised exactly the same. While I guess it is possible I would venture to guess that it is not the case. I would guess that your parents with you like most parents with their first child didn't really know what they were doing, so they were learning as they go. With the second child you do things differently because of the lessons you learned with your first one. Granted for the most part I am sure that you were raise with the same principles, but the way they were taught probably were different which would change how you turned out. My brother and I are the same way. We are five years apart and completely different in many things. We too were raised by the same parents and taught the same thing, but I know for a fact that we were raised differently. With me my parents were over protective, since I was their first, and with my brother they let a little more go than they did with me. I often joked with them when I was younger, and still til today, that when my brother does something, that if I did it I would have been smacked for it... And like the user earlier said, you are two different people... just the way it is. I mean you two are even different sexes... does that have something to do with it?

Because people are different & we each have our own mind & are able to think for ourselves & to make our own choices. That's why. I'm sort of the "black sheep" of my family. I'm the weird one. The one who has tats & piercings in my face, I'm the one who asks questions & doesn't just follow the herd because it's safer that way. i'm the one who can't hold a job (for other reasons than just being lazy, that I won't get into here) I'm the one who has randomly taken off & ran away halfway across the US just to "get away from it all" & then came back to my family & they still loved me anyway. My family doesn't like the tats or piercings, or the gothy style or the music I listen to and the movies I watch and the books I read. But they love me & accept me as I am because i'm still the same Jess they've always known and loved. Now all 3 of my sisters on the other hand....They tend to dress in all the trendy clothes & listen to the trendy music & we are all different as night & day. but that's just because we are are own person & we have to ive & learn & grow up on our own terms. I think I lost my point somewhere, lol, I apologize!

Well, everyone has their differences no matter if it's in the same family. It's how people take upon their lives and living it. People just get too carry away or just don't care much. Also, it can be who's being favor or who's being spoil. People are usually influence by friends and close ones and forget about what's really important in their lives and forget how they should really live or worry about. I guess your brother is just making things hard on himself where he's at the point where he thinks he can't help himself or just don't really care. It's really up to him to straighten up and focus on his future and life. If this is how he wants to live his life, then what can we do??? We can't help someone if they can't even help themselves. I'm sure he'll realize sooner or later what's he's doing and what he got himself into. He will clean up when he thinks he's ready. It's never too late to start over. Give him time.

WEll where would you like me to start? Lol some people use their shall we say, mistakes in life nad carry them onto keep making them. I believe this could be what your brother is doing. He wont ever be happy or successful like you as he has it in his head that the world owes him something. He doesnt truley know himself and therefore will never have a strong relationship and will continue not to be financially or emotionally stable. Its sad that they can use this against the family and try and drive a wedge into it but my brother is the same and i have since dis owned him. Sure i still care for him but i wont ring him and i wont go out of my way for him, if he wants something he needs to ring and apologize. im sure that one day down the track they will both turn around and realize what they have lost and by that time it will be too late. My mum often questions herself as to what she did wrong! i tell her no it was not you, if anything i think that the youngest in our family was spoilt and wrapped in cotton wool too much and then used anger to make my mum feel sorry for him, i think this happens with your brother also. I want to shake my bro out of it but unfortunately no matter what age, they need to see it themsselves. Not aure about you but i kinda like being an only child! my life is much less stressful and i dont have any nasty texts messages when i say no u cant have 20 bucks for petrol!! Lolxx

I too have disowned my family i have to older sisters the first could do no wrong then my middle sister could do no right and was disowned by my parennts and i was TOLD not to see her then theres me always trying to impress the parents always looking for approval and never getting it i got sick of feeling if i dont think as they think do as they would im no good well quess what i am a good person and no longer need to prove it too any body but me and of course my son

ok...this is a problem dealing with your brother he might have the disease of MENTAL RETARDATION! and to stop somebody should get him some helf before he kills himself and his children.... o yea i forgot one thing..... YOUR BROTHER IS RETARDED!!!

You have two very different personalities. Some people, no matter how they are raised, are just more dependent on other people and some are more independent. You seem close to your family but far more independent than your brother. You sound like the type of person who has always been willing to face something head on and take care of business. You accept your responsibilities and challenges in life. Your brother sounds much more dependent on others and like the type of person to move on when the going gets tough. He shys away from long committments because he doesn't like to be tied down in case something better comes along. He can't take care of himself with the greatest of ease, so he doesn't actively participate in his childrens' lives either (mostly because he may feel deeply inside that he fails in that area). We all have different ways of looking at the world and going through life. We are all basically unique. You, yourself, even differ from your parents in some ways. You may have strong similarities, but you are different.

being sibblings and getting raised in the same environment doesnt maean that you both have to be exactly the same. every individual has his own psychology and his own individuality. you are two different persons and you must always remember that. its quite possible your bro is suffering from some psychological problem wich needs treatment. so instead of labelling him as the black sheep, whay dont you maek an effort to understand his problem and more important from his perspective and not yours, you have your own way of thinking and what you have to do is understand his way of thinking.

Everybody is different being siblings or not. Somewhere along the line your brothers views changed and rebelled against what you believe. He sounds like he really needs to grow up. I think alot of people have a sibling like this. I know that I do. We aren't on speaking terms right now. Hopefully one day he'll grow up.

Yes you are true that how can you too be so different, this is the case with me also, my sister id 1 year elder than me, she is doing a good job and having everything in his life that makes life happy. On the other hand I am, I was a good student, but now I am not able to find a good job I am looking over job for around a year now, I get some less interested jobs. till now I am not able to find a job that I am interested in. I am also(Like your brother) having relationships but not able to find a stable one ( I am not married yet). These are the conditions that your brother has in him and mee too. I think that the behaviour of mine is due to the lack of that one good job That I am looking for, that makes me different from my sister. It could be same problm with your brother that one thing in his life may be distracting him and irritating him so much that he not able to think of other things in his life and not able to concentrate on one thing. Hope you will get some help from this response. regards, ichampin

You can find this in many families unfortunately that some one is normally the black sheep, of their families, so he is not settled in his relationships, he must feel that he wasn't given the same amount of love or something like that it is very hard to know exactly why some people are like this but I do believe their must be some underlying problem that he has and this has caused him to be the way he is.

It's not the raising that makes us differnt it's who we become as we grow it's who we are as a preson.....if we are all the same in mind then it wouldn't be so differnt.......i'm glad were not all the same that would be boring.......what you your borther dose shouldn't interfear with you not unless you allow it....my siblings aren't the same either and i'm glad but don't let it interfear with my life i have just learned to love them and i'll tell you something what ever your brother is doing he might be a lifer but you have to love him no matter what yo don't have to like what he dose but never stop loving him....he will either be a lifer on how he wants to be or he will change don't let this interfear with your life thou if you do then you will be asking these quations all the time,,,,,let him do what he will and just accept it because as we grow we learn most of what we are at the age 5 so this is no ones falt but his and stop worring why he isn't who you want him to be becuase it isn't going to be changing anytime soon and when he dose change it will be for hisself not yours or the family...god bless....and your going to have to live your life and just stop.....let him go and do as he please's he'll come around after he sees how his way isn't working they all do ever hear if you keep on doing what your doing your always going to get the samething over and over again well if there isn't going to be a change it is no ones falt but his.....let him go he is a man. be forgiving and love him but remember even if you do still love him you have your bondiers to you stand by with what you beleive in and keep up the good work with your life we all becomes lifers in our own way of thinking ..so stand by that ...

You have answered yourself in your mail. The reason your brother acts this way is because he knows that no matter you and your parents will bail him out. I know this because it is the same with me and my brother. The comparrison between the two is so alike its scary. You say that he has disowned the family and doesnt want anything to do with them again, well you wait until the next time he needs help he will be back. I bet its never his fault he loses his job or house and its the "last time" and he never gets a break. I hear it all the time but because we love our brothers we help them and bail them out when really we're not helping anyone because they know they have a life line.

I don't think anyone could really know the answer to this. I know this is a totally different thing but my 2 kids have been brought up the same and are already completely different. I suppose you should look at anything that WAS different in your upbringing, even if parents don't mean to do it, it does happen. Sometimes parents just see certain vulnerabilities in each child and focus on them and sometimes they focus on the better things. For example, if your brother was good at sport when you were younger, did your parents encourage that? If so, they could have neglected other aspects such as social skills. Or were you always the one who made an effort so your brother was pushed out a bit? Could it be that you had a hobby and then your parents couldn't afford for your brother to do something so he would just "tag" along with you? I'm no expert, these are just ideas but there could be something there. I think that if such a contrast does happen, there probably is a reason, just that maybe it hasn't been noticed before. There are also things like which parent, or other family member you are most like or spent the most time with. Say, if your mum was always the one being busy and you only ever saw your dad not doing anything, your brother might have thought that your dad never did anything and that it was ok.

Sometimes kids with good parents go bad, and vice vearsa. It's just the way life goes. I share some traits with my sisters but we're completely different in other ways, and it's the same way with my parents, with my mum and I being polar opposites. I think that personality is down to genetics as well as upbringing. I can't help the fact that i'm laid back and easy going, it's just the way I am. But at the same time we all have to make decisions for ourselves in life and it seems that your brother has chosen very poorly, and if he wouldn't listen to your parents, they're certainly not to blame.

It's just because people are different. Not everyone is wired the same. Enviroment sometimes doesn't have to do with how you will turn out as an adult. It's just who you are as a person. My brother and I are very different and we grew up in the same family. I know how to save money, he doesn't. I like to plan everything ahead to the smallest detail, he's spontaneous. I am constantly thinking ahead, he doesn't want to be bothered with the future.

Do you need to blame anyone? Even twins can be totally different. Many things influence the way people respond to various happenings. You cannot know every detail of your brother's life or things that could have influenced him. What you can do is love your brother and let him know it. My brother and I were never brought up together. In fact, we had completely different upbringings. I met him when I was 44 years old and there was hardly a thing we did differently. We were almost copy-books of each other. Friends of mine, two brothers, were brought up together with the exact same circumstances. One is a total perfectionist: nothing out of place, tidy mind, tidy habits. The brother is sloppy: nothing in place, untidy mind, untidy habits.

The fact that you were raised exactly the same may be at the center of your brother's difficulties. Every child is different, just as every person is different. We need to be acknowledged and validated for who we are. The fact that you refer to your brother as 'the black sheep" is disturbing. When did he get this title? How long has he lived with the feeling that he does not measure up? In my experience people with insuffucient skills to cope with life's challenges generally have such low self esteem that they feel they have no chance of succeeding, so why bother. These decisions lead to guilt and regret, which continue to attack self esteem and so the cylce continues. Why is your brother pushing you all away? Because when he sees you he is reminded of what he feels he "should" be, and can't handle it. If you love your brother don't let him go. Be his big brother and let you know you love him for who he is. Do not enable is destuctive behaviors by bailing him out, but do let him know that you are his friend and he can talk to you about how he feels without the fear of being judged. Sometimes all a person needs is to know they have somone in their corner. Peace.

i heard a psychiatrist say that, as individuals, there are two main types of people. one group that grows up to be like their parents and the other group does whatever they can to be different from their parents. maybe this has some bearing on the situation.