I'm confused about what to do in my relationship... plz help.. thx

Luk i think here this is a pure case of resortment..I feel u both really gotto speak..I dont know whether ur both fell in love 'n married each other or was it juss an arranged one.But all i can think of telling u is that,juss give him a chance,not by staying back 'n not heeding to his negligence,but by trying to speak to him in a convincing manner 'n show that there's nothin more important for u other than his love..Though i guess readding this post of ur's u rather seem to be a convincing person,so doing as i said,i guess wudnt do any harm,it wud rather get u'll even more closer...

You are so brave to open up and try to get advice on this most personal of problems... Damn your man wants a slap, you being pregnant is no time to indulge his own depression. That can be shelved for now. You can't get into all the details, but you do say, he's spending the money... Hey, it is hard to see where his love for you and the three kids is now. If he is not prepared to let you take charge of things then you have no relationship left to save. You need to be able to talk to creditors and give them something. You can't do that if he is keeping the cash. He is not giving you a chance to solve the problems. He will take you down. A bad job is unlikely to be the cause of this. There has to be more.

Maybe you should sit down with him and discuss this the same way you just told all of us. Tell him that you aren't ready to give up yet but you need his help for your partnership to work. Tell him that he needs to be there for you and for your kids. Tell him you'll support him if he wants to find another job, but until he does he just needs to suck it up and press on, no matter how much he wants to give up.

This discussion really hit me because of what I have been through. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I now there is two sides of this and will only go by what you tell us. I get so angry with people that do not take resposibility. I would be by my wife and kids's side every step of the way, regardless if things are a little down. I'd also be taking care of my wife while she is pregnant! Your husband has got to take responsibility and stop being a gosh darn (you know what I really mean) COWARD & be by his family's side!!!!!!! GROW UP YOU PUNK A$$ B%*CH!! I apologise for my words, but I would never leave my family ever!!!!!!! You should talk, but do what you feel is ultimately in the best interest of your children and you! I really wish you the best & trust all will work out. Keep your chin up and always get things off your chest. We are hear to listen.

i think you have to talk to him.keep patience everything will be fine.discuss it with your husband.it will work.

If in your relationship is LOVE,you can resolve all your problems.I think that you must to stay much time together,or to go somewhere,in a holiday only you 2,maybe with your 2babies.Be happy and I wish u luck!

Hi Dragonflyfli, Is this new behavior? Have you considered counseling with your husband? It sounds like your husband is having trouble handling all of the stress. If you go home to your mom, you may have more physical comforts, emotional support, and less stress. It seems like you want to go home to your mom. The best I can say is you must think of your health and the baby you are carrying right now. Do what you must, for the benefit of children.

You poor thing. I know exactly how you feel as I have had a couple of long term relationships like that. It's a very difficult choice, but you have to do what's best for you and your child. It sounds like he had a very selfish attitude, but now he's realizing his mistakes too late. I would advise you to go to your mom if you can, at least for a while and see if he straightens out. Don't let him drag you down with him. I left and am so glad I did as my kids were better for it. Now that they are adults they understand that I did what I thought was best for them and they agree that it would have been wrong for me to stay. You have enough to worry about with the kids and if he can't be a responsible parent and face reality you have to go. There's a poem I heard once about what kids learn when we think they are not watching and whatever you choose to do, that's the lesson you will teach them and the cycle will repeat itself. Good luck and please let us know how it goes.

Oh dear, I am so sorry you are going through this. It sounds just awful. It sounds like this stress is very unhealthy for you and I'm sure your two children as well. It sounds like he is in a depression of sorts and might benifit greatly by seeing a doctor for it. If that doesn't work, maybe you should get away for a time explaining that you just need to be away from the stress. Make it clear you want to still have a relationship etc..but you need him to get out of this depression and get back to being a loving, caring person for you and the children. I think it is especially importand you remain as stress free as possible while pregnant. Good luck with this. I hope everything works out for you guys!

If it's his job that's the problem, then that's the thing that needs fixing. Make him send out CVs for another job. Also, it sounds like you need incme quick. Is there a part-time job you can do? Also, after the baby is born, I think you need some birth control. I don't think you can afford that many children - three kids and the wife not working - these days, no-one makes enough to pay for that.

It sounds like your husband is depressed....that is why he is withdrawing from you and the reality of life. If I were you, I would encourage him to get some professional help to deal with his depression. I also believe 100% that you should stand by your man, no matter what. Isn't that what marriage is all about? I have been married for 10 years now, and I can honestly tell you that the first 2 years were the hardest for us. Like you, we had children very quickly, which contributed to a feeling of being overwhelmed. Women are natural caregivers for their children, while men can feel trapped, especially if everything happens so quickly. In my opinion, your husband is going through a tough time emotionally, and he needs help to sort it all out. He obviously loves you and your children very much, or he would have left already...Please stick with him, and help him get the help he needs to get through this.....it will get better!

Been there, done that, MADE the t-shirt (hehehe). I know what you're going through. You definitely need to talk to him. When you do, don't blame him. You have to start on the positive side first. Maybe a little remiscing of how things used to be. Tell him of the things you miss. After, tell him that when he does xxx, if makes you feel xxx, and then you can't do xxx. Let him know that you would like his help so that you can do xxx, for him and the family. Maybe if he's told why things are so important, he'll understand. If not, he could try counseling. If he's not up for that, tell him you'd like to try couples counseling. I did couples counseling and it worked out great. She talked to the both of us together to se how we interact and such. Then she seperates us and talks to each of us, to get each side of the story. Then she saw what the problem was and to explain it to us, and then try to help us solve it. Heck, if he's not willing to give it a try for you, him and the kids, then maybe he's already given up. You might want to ask that some nice way some time. Probably better to bring it up in group counseling though. It's probably safer that way. I wish you the best of luck. I know it's not fun at all to go through. I hopw you will keep us all posted so that we know how things are going.

Well i am not in marriage experience but the case you are discussing being a mature man i think both of you must sit and talk seriously about the problem you are facing and ask him to not hide him self from the reality. Try to be soft in your discussion don't use harsh language during the the discussion. I think both of you have the responsibility of whats going on. Sit aside discuss it and then divide the responsibilities and you will be free from all the troubles. Confess to god and you will be relieved very much. unexpectedly

i m not blaming anyone but atleast u shud have a good talk with him before taking any step .........

wow, I know that has happened with me and my spouse but he has been good about making sure our bills at least get paid. but he does tend to go into this depressive cave and just want things to eventually go away, I get really frustrated when he does it because he will stay in bed all day, all night, all day , all night and then after I have done laundry, dishes, made dinner for kids, for him and I get on my computer he says something like "YOu are always on your computer" and it is like "Dude do not even go there" I do not say anything because I know for a fact he would be really upset and take it personal, so I have just taken things and let them slide off my back. In your situation I would tell him that he does not need to make things a sinking ship but that you have to do what is right for your children and if it means maybe going to stay with your mom for a bit then maybe that is what you have to do. My DH and I talked about that too, when our power went out, we had really no one to go to because their power was out too. well, when his sister still had power out we invited them to stay at our house since we had power and they were just being the martyrs and would not come. they would just stay in their cold and dark house and then complain complain complain. My husband said to them, you really should not be complaining you are kind of doing this to yourselves, we have invited you over COUNTLESS number of times but you keep turning us down so now we are not going to ask you anymore. I told DH that if I had the offer, and he did not want to go I would be SO going and he said that he would not at all blame me for doing that... Okay so anyway, you just have to do what is right for you and your kids and it is not meaning divorce or separation it is just that he needs a kick to get back into the swing of things and if he does not do that then you have no choice but to keep a roof over you and his childrens head. That is also why I started my home business because I was tired of just seeing our money go out the door and then when he would get depressed he would just go lay in bed, while I was still the one with the kids...I kept saying I could get a job but his pride would get in the way and there is no way he would do well with the kids for a whole day, Well things are back on track now, so hang in there, I am sure that things will work out,...

i was in your situation for over 7 yrs before we get married, he often find a bad job and most of the time was unemployee.but he never spend money coz he dont have any,he also sont have a credit card.but i still stand by him but also with anger etc.but i still keep encourage him to find a job and support him by give him understanding to responsible.good thing that i'm working so i pay all the bills and expenses.thats why i think even women are married it'll be better if both husband and wife are working so they can support eachother in financial.in your case u do what ur heart tells u too.try to give ur husband understanding so he will have a spirit to find a new job.if then its not working and when u feel enough is enough then u should go home for a while so u can think more clearly on what u should do.

Maybe you are just on the stage that pregnant woman hates their husband and you should not end up loosing your relationship. Maybe you should talk about it on a nice way for you to understand each other without tension.

When you married you married for better or worse. Why are you not working to help pay the bills? If your bills are that high, you should not be at home while your husband is working. Many women work in this day and age. I work 9-10 hours every day and so does my man. We have 3 kids to support -- they are all mine to a previous marriage, and I am also expecting. In order to make the bills we both have to work-- many families have to have 2 incomes to pay rent, electric, phone, car payments. Maybe you can look for a part time job and family could help you with child care until your family gets back on your feet. Best of luck and I hope you were not offended by my post because that was not my intention.

Dont cry in love because the person for whom u r crying does not deserve your tear and the one who deserve it will never let u cry he will take a good care of u but u have taken a wrong deccision in my eyes but now its not the time to curse him try to change him and try to be with him

OMG you sound like me and my hubby. We have been married a year and he was aupposed to have the job that was suppose to make eveything better. Well it didnt!! And here we are struggling like hell with three kids. When things get like that,and they do, I through him the check book and all the bills and tell him to do it. This usually overwhelms him. Or if that does not work then I write everything down and show him the negative $$$. If that still does not work I will have a sit down and it gets UGLY!! I usually start off by telling him to be a MAN and step up! He helped start this situatuion and he needs to be responsible. BUT most important he is your HUSBAND! you need to stick together for better or worse....remeber that? If you need to be the strong one for awhile then so be it. Get tough! take over the financial including the credit cards! He probably feels as if he has let you down. I could talk forever on this. REMEBER, you promised to him no matter what...its just money!! you can get through it, you love each other! Dont forget about the babies!! :)