My husband is shying away from a long time friend after a sever accident
By RAWOZNICA
@RAWOZNICA (58)
United States
January 13, 2007 12:38pm CST
Just a few months ago a long time friend or ours was in a terrible accident. Well it was not really an accident. This friend was someone that as teenagers we had a great time partying with. As we grew older my husband and I gradually moved away from that scene. Our friend though was still always looking for what he would call the ultimate party. He continued to drink and partake in certain drugs. We always remained his friend though.
On night while with his girlfriend they went to this apartment, supposedly to get a TV but I think it was a big drug spot. There ended up being an altercation and one of the other people sucker punched my friend and he fell over the balcony and hit the cement below. His head hit directly on the curb and crushed part of his skull into his brain. We spent every day in the hospital with him and his family. He was in a coma and told that if he survived he would be a vegetable and never be able to breath on his own. It was devestating.
A miracle happened though and he survived. Today he can walk, understand, carry on discussions, and even still has a sense of humor. He of course is not 100% better. He suffered strokes while in the coma and his speech is hard to understand and his short term memory area of the brain was deeply affected.
My husband for awhile during his recovery avoided him which I found hard to understand since they had been so close. While in the rehab centers our friend begged for my husband to come and see him but my husband could not bring himself to do it. He even for awhile resented our friend and said that he did this to himself and its his own fault. I think that even though our friend lived, to my husband in a way he still died. Thankfully my husband has started to get over this and will talk to him on the phone and even went to visit him when he had surgery to reconstruct his skull. However there are still days that our friend will call and my husband says that he just cant deal with talking to him right now and wont take the call. This makes me feel pretty bad, having to lie to our friend. Has anyone else gone through something like this? What did you do to get over it?
2 people like this
8 responses
@seenoreen (559)
• Philippines
13 Jan 07
I haven't experienced anything like this but I'll give my own views about the situation. I think your husband just loves your friend that's why he was so affected when he had the accident. It's good to know that somehow he is coping up right now and is talking to him already. I think in due time, he will be able to be friends again with him the way it was before. I think he just wants your friend to realize that his life is important and he should value it.
1 person likes this
@RAWOZNICA (58)
• United States
15 Jan 07
I dont think it will ever really be the same, but I do hope that one day he can find it in his heart to accept what happened and move on. Thanks for the input.
@seewhy (231)
• Australia
14 Jan 07
It sounds as though your husband is quite angry with your friend. He probably sees it as a situation that could have been avoided if the friend had chosen a better way of living.
He'll probably get over it in time (although probably not completely). It sounds as though he's already making steps to mend the friendship which is a positive step forward. I'd probably leave things for a while and see how they progress.
1 person likes this
@cuddlebug79705 (2003)
• United States
14 Jan 07
I've never been through that same situation, but I can understand where your hubby is coming from. In our earlier years my hubby and I hit the party scene alot, with all our friends. Once we had a baby and got married, we completly changed our lifestyle, even though some of our friends hadn't. We too have shied away from a friend here and there, and I have seen myself and my hubby having a hard time consoling a friend in need after something has happened. It is hard to see them making mistakes, hard to see them keep messing things up and not have the strength to straighten their lives out. Sometimes it is just easier to take yourself away from the situation and not look back.
@anne_143god (5387)
• Philippines
14 Jan 07
Maybe there is something wrong with your husband there is something in his mind that you should know. Try to talk to him and ask him whats the problem why he make distance on him. Or maybe you show to him that you cares for that friend thats why he isd jelous or what maybe try to talk to him about it.
@RAWOZNICA (58)
• United States
15 Jan 07
No, I dont think he is jeolous of me caring so much of what happened. He knows thats just how I am. And I have asked but he just states again that he did it to himself. I do agree with this, yes he did it to himself, but I dont agree with blocking someone out, not when they need you the most. He is getting their though little by little.
@doniker (493)
• United States
14 Jan 07
years ago I had a good friend that I used to hang out with all the time and we had alot of fun.
he got sick with a rare blood disease and his health got so bad he ended up in a wheelchair and couldn't hardly feed himself.
Eventually I and all his other friends stopped calling him or visiting him. He was always a fun guy who we had alot of good times with but now he was just a sick person sitting home.
We eventually lost contact...I don't know what ever happen to him.
People change, that's life. I feel bad about this sometimes but I have my own problems. I know that sounds selfish, but if I was in his position I think I could understand.
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
14 Jan 07
I have to say that is a bit strange have you tried asking your Husband why he feels like this as I think he needs to talk about this it is a strange Situation
I don't know what to say but try talking to your Husband about it, there is obviously something playing on his Mind about this
@dip_cool (411)
• India
14 Jan 07
its sometimes hard to deal with friends whom you love too much and then they do something wrong.i guess that must have happened eith your husband.or it may also be that as you guys moved away from him and his parties your husband no longer wants to be associated with his ways and so dosnt want to talk to him.have a talk with your husband and try to find out the reasons for which he is avoiding that friend.in times like this he should be really with the friend.thats what friends are for.
