marriage

Nope. The marriage has to come first. This is something Greg Behrendt (relationship expert) always points out. The family can't work out if the backbone (the husband and wife) aren't happy together. The kids see that.

Just my 2c worth - what is the point of staying in a marriage if you are miserable? For "the sake of the kids"? Have seen the results of that too many times....parents THINK they are putting up a good front - when in reality, the kids DO know their parents aren't happy - and often times the kids blame themselves for it. That's just not right or fair to the kids at all. Please think about that too :(

Well I think if you are not happy with your partner anymore it is best to slowly jsut part ways and look for ur individual happiness. NOt happy in marriage and yet u opt to stay together leads to more problems in the future. This will lead to conflict with ur partner and the essential ingredients of a happy marriage will also vanished. And this may be traumatic to ur children I think its better to part ways when ur not happy anymore. Talk to ur children to make them understand of the situation. Everyone deserves to be happy.

i think both parents should stay together for their children, if they're not happy, try fixing things our, try some sort of advice maybe from elders, it's good if you would seek some advice from christian people, also try to join small group for couple in christian community concerning your that matter. Quiting is the worst thing a person can do.

Hi I think it is very important to do what is best for the person who is not happy in the marriage. I have been married twice, first time we had two kids and I stayed in that marraige for 15 years because of the kids, eventually I decided I had enough, the kids were affected by it sure but they would have been affected less if I had ended it sooner. I then stayed single for 12 years, because I didn't want to bring another dad into the family for my kids, they were hard but happy days. When the kids grew up I married again, disaster, after eight years its over, I only gave the bad years a short time and then pulled out. Happiness is about you, your kids will not be happy if you are not.

If I wasn't happy just because the marriage got boring or I wanted something else.. but, my husband was wonderful & no abuse in any form. I would stay for my children. If this was the case & I was feeling this way-- I would hopefully find a way to get back what we once had through whatever means it took. But, if I was in an abusive relationship either verbal or abusive & it wasn't getting better.. I would GET OUT FOR MY KIDS & myself. That type of a relationship wouldn't be good for your children to be in. I think if you are a HAPPY parent, your children will be happy and adjust to life accordingly.

I think it would be best to do all you can to make the marriage happy, or to be happy no matter what. Divorce is not an answer to most problems, it is an additional one

well, if u really care for ur kids ull try and keep a healthy relationship with ur partner. if u cannot and if u and ur partner are having difficulties, try and think on ur kids, theyre the reason u should stay together, ur kids might actually help u to solve ur problems with ur partner, if not, i think u should at least try to seem happy in front of them and stay together, cause its no longer ur problem, its also ur kids problems, and if u made a comitment, or not, to have kids, all ur problems are theirs too. if u definetely cant stay together, divorce but try and both spent the same amount of time with ur kids, and try to not to ignore each other, keep a healthy and friendly relationship once divorced, even if thats impossible for u 2, its extremely important for ur kids, not to see u mad at each other, this would definetely cause severe emotional problems to them. if u decide to form a family and have kids with someone else, thats ok, but remember u had a family before this one, so u should try and involve ur 1st kids with ur 2nd family, let them know theyre still a huge part in ur life, make sure they see ur new kids as brothers and sisters and not my mom's/dad's kids. just my opinion

It is proven fact that children will sense when their parents are not happy in the marriage. This makes for a very unhappy and unhealthy environment for the children to live in. If two people are unhappy in marriage, it is impossible to prevent that feeling from seeping into every other aspect of their lives, and when this happens everyone is affected by it. It is also not good to teach your children that this type of unhappy relationship is something good, because our children learn about their own future relationships from what they see in their parent's relationship. Long ago, it was expected that husbands and wives stayed in miserable relationships, even abusive relationships, because society said divorce was taboo. Today, too many people fail to take the time to know their partners before they get into serious committments. If they learn to take the time to know the other person, they would see the full characteristics and personality (good and bad traits). Chances are what will make them unhappy and miserable in the marriage was very evident before the marriage, but they choose to blind themselves for whatever reason.

The unhappy marriage and the impact for the child when you carried out the divorce ,did that was best according to was discussed by you with your couple about this looked for the solution for you, thought about what resulting from, from the divorce when that the road to resolve the problem of the unhappy marriage, don't become egoistic humankind all that could in discussed with the cold head and have the solution for you problem.

I don't think anyone should stay married for their kids. It's not appropriate; because it teaches them that they're own happiness doesn't matter. They also pick up all the negative energy from their parents with all the fighting and yelling. I'm so glad my parents got divorced; they were a bad match of people who should have never gotten married, period.

I was in a marriage for 11 1/2 years...I (stupidly) thought my parents wouldn't help me when I turned up pregnant (this man REFUSED to allow me to get an abortion). I was 21 when he proposed (it was my birthday--"we have to get married" is a crappy proposal!) and was immediately regretting saying yes. We didn't know each other at all (he didn't even have a full time job!) And it continued to go downhill...his mother telling me I was an abusive mother b/c I didn't instantly wake when my daughter cried (I was fighting the flu and collapsed after work)...constant accusations (of his) about my alleged infidelity, nitpicking b/c I was in postpartum depression, etc. I asked for a separation before our fourth anniversary (his NO was heard everywhere). The verbal abuse escalated and the cops regularly called because he made me feel threatened (6'1" to 5'3"). I formally asked for a divorce in 1998 (still a NO). I began working 2, 3, 4 jobs every day of the week, 5 of them 18 hours+ a day. I never saw my daughter. That same year I was dx'd with MS and he threatened to keep my kid away forever. It continued downhill and I really snapped in 2002 when my mom passed on and he told me 6 months later "get over it". In 2003 it took a friendship with a coworker where WE TOOK OUR CHILDREN TO THE FRANKLIN INSTITUTE for my (now ex-) husband to leave (he had planned it for a while anyway). I was absolutely miserable, living with someone who was clinically depressed (diagnosed by 3 or 4 doctors but refused treatment) and so unhappy I was considering killing myself to escape. I gained a lot of weight, started smoking again and drank myself into oblivion on several occasions during this time--totally out of character. I cannot fathom being married again...just living together is fine with me.

This is a really hard question to answer not knowing why you are not happy. If you are not happy due to abuse, the answer is clearly that you should get out and be safe. If the issue on the other hand is something that is something that is likely to pass or could be worked out by going to counseling and some behavior changes then it would be better to work to save the marriage. You loved this person at one time enough to commit to spend the rest of your years together, what changed?

My parents always tried to act like nothing was wrong between them when us kids were around. At night, we heard the yelling and screaming. I remember hiding under the covers hoping they weren't going to pull me out of bed to go anywhere. I always thought our mom would take us and go. It scares children not knowing what's going to happen. If there is a sense of tension in the house, I promise they can sense it. I would not stay with someone when happiness was not around.

I do not see the point in staying together if you are both unhappy. Of course, if at all possible, a lot of talking and communication should take place first, and hopefully some marriage counselling if the couple can afford to do so. It is always best to try and give it a go first. Not just give up straight away. I think that far too many people don't even try to communicate and work their problems out, and just get divorced before they really think it through. I also understand children being a major concern. But I don't think that the children are going to be very happy growing up in a household where the parents are emotionally at each other's throats all the time, either.

before marraige we live for us , after marraige we live together, after children we need to live for them

No, staying in a situation that you're not happy in will definitely not be beneficial to anyone involved. The kids will feel the tension and become unhappy themselves.

City Girl, that is a mistake that everyone makes. You can still be a good parent to your child if you are separated. If you are in an abusive relationship or just a relationship that involves arguing or a long separation period between the spouses then it would be worse for the children.

humm..i think...if ther's a case of divorse, it shld be avaided..as far as effect on children is concerned, parents shld make some compromise, settle the fight bet. them, and sld live happily, all otgethr in a happy family...with this children ll be benifited

I think that if you are not happy in the marriage that it reflects on the children(they are smarter than we know) I think you owe it to yourself,you kids and your significant other to be happy in life and if that means divorce, so be it.