What would you do in an abusive relationship?

I have been in a 'mental' abuse relationship where my partner was extremely controlling and manipulative. Before I was confident, full of self-esteem and happy. I made a stupid decision and I moved in with them giving up my flat, I was with them for five years and in that time all my confidence sapped away and I lost my self-esteem and I put on 3.5 stone. It may not have been violent, but mental abuse is just as bad, you get to the state where you can't live without them, and you have to ask their permission, it was extremely intense, unfortunately I did manage to get out of the relationship but jumped from one abusive relationship to another. It is not easy and no one can really understand unless you have been in that situation. You feel isolated, you feel no one else is going through what you are going through and of course you start blaming yourself, it's your fault they are like this, you start making excuses for them and you refuse to believe that things are any better on the outside, there is no escape, you are trapped. The hardest thing is to reach out, reach out for help and get the support you need. Severing the ties that bind you to that particular person. It has put me off relationships for life and I never ever want to get involved with another person because of what has happened to me in the past.

I *was* in that type of relationship. I lived with a man who was physically, emotionally and mentally abusive. We lasted 5 years. During that 5 years, I tried to leave many times, but part of the process is the control methods they use. They make you dependent on them, so leaving becomes more terrifying than staying. Most women will try unsuccessfully to leave a handful of times before they can manage a clean break. I now volunteer at a womans abuse shelter, listening when they need to talk, telling my own story and offering my own experience and ideas for them to work with. It can be tremendously helpful to women going through it to know they are one of many. And what would I do? Very simply, never ever again. The day someone were to raise a hand to me is the day I walk. Part of getting out of those relationships is recognizing the part of yourself that drew you there in the first place .. the insecurities and self esteem issues that became part of you and allowed you to let yourself be treated that way. And part of the recovery process is getting that part back ... or better yet, creating a brand new part. A lot of time is spent building up your self esteem, your confidence and your pride, so you're not able to be manipulated into those relationships in the future. I don't allow people to treat me with blatant disrespect and stand there and put up with it, I walk. So I sure as hell wouldn't allow a man to ever put his hands on me again in anger.