Why can't I get over him?

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Why is it so hard for me to get over this guy? I am 47 years old and I just want to kick myself because I can't seem to let go of this guy I had a relationship with several years ago. I met him when I was married. He was an instructor for a class my kids were taking. I was attracted to him from the start but didn't act on it. A year or so after I met him, my marriage fell apart and my husband and I seperated.. At that time he had been seperated and was in the process of getting a divorce. I decided to call him and see if he was interested in having lunch. A few days later we had lunch and a few weeks later we were having s**. He made it pretty clear that he wasn't "emotionally available". I guess that is where I made my biggest mistake. I continued to be involved with him thinking that he would eventually come around and want to commit to a relationship...not marriage...just a monogus relationship. I was in love and really there wasn't anything I wouldn't and didn't do for and with him. Our relationship lasted for a couple of years. Over that period of time I "loaned" him between $10,000 and $15,000. I finally decided that I need to turn the relationship loose. My theory was that if I let him go he would see the value in the relationship we had and come back to me. Breaking up with him was pretty tough. He knew what kind of relationship I wanted and kept telling me to give it some time and possibly he would want the same thing, that he would become more "emotionally available". I had heard that several times over the course of our relatinship and decided not to wait any longer. We had more than one tearful conversation about our relationship. He wanted to remain friends and I tried to explain that I couldn't be his "friend" and watch him get into another relationship (I'd be jealous). Besides he was very good at taking advantage of my caring nature and I was not good at refusing any request that he made. Over the course of the next year of so he would call from time to time. For the most part I didn't answer the phone and he didn't leave a message. At one point he called several time over the course of a couple of days but he didn't leave a message. I called him only to be told that his phone must have dialed mine by accidnet when he was doing something. His story didn't hold water on many different levels but rather than argue the fact I kept it short and hung up. Now here we are almost 4 years later and I thought I would see what was going on with him. I've had a date or two but nothing that I wanted to pursue and honestly I was hoping that he would finally be willing to pursue a relationship. I sent an e-mail and he responded immediately. He seemed happy to be in touch and wanted to get together. We had lunch in November. He's been through a string of relationships with women in their 20's and 30's. He, by the way, is my age. What he said was that women in their 20's were really dealing with issues he put to bed a long time ago and basically commom interest were hard to come by. Women in their 30's were dealing with a lot of baggage..they were either in the middle of a bad marriage or they were getting divorced or they were newly divorced. As for those of us in our 40's, well women in their 40's have let themselves go. He did make a rather emotinal speech about how much I had meant to him and how important our relationship had been. He also reminded me about some of our intimate experiences together ( a movie theather, a dance floor) and ask about us having s** as he didn't feel like he was the person I should be involved with long term but certainly we could be great F*** buddies. Back to square one. No thank you. A month and several e-mails later we had dinner and went to a movie. It was a very nice, comfortable evening. The evening ended with him suggesting that we go back to my house, drink hot chocolate and snuggle under a blanket. If I thought for a second that spending the night drinking hot chocolate under a blanket would lead to a committed, long term relationship I'd have done it. I turned him down and went home alone. I decided to send him an e-mail the next day explaining that I wasn't interested in having s** just to have s**, I wanted to have s** with someone I loved and was committed to. The e-mail response was less than satisifying. He agreeded that I deserved a committed, loving relationship and that he would really be happy for me if I found that. He suggestd that he could fill in the gap (back to that F*** buddy thing again) until I found what I was looking for. I got that e-mail on 12/19 right before I went out of town for 2 weeks. I haven't heard from him since. So why can't I get past this? Should I take him up on his bed buddy offer and hope that he comes around? Will he ever come around. He's almost 50 years old. Why can't he see the value in having someone like me? I don't look or act my age. Other than this guy, all the guys I've dated have been in their 20' and 30's (I've found the guys my age to be boring.) I could really use some help here. I'm sorry this is so long.