My jokes
@slowmotion_99 (125)
Indonesia
January 15, 2007 10:52am CST
This 60 year old woman was walking along 5th Avanue when she heard a voice from above"you will live to be 100"She looked around and didn't see anyone. Again she heard "You will live to be 100"Boy, she thought to herself, that was the voice of God. I've got 40 more years to live!So off she went to the plastic surgeon. She got everything fixed from head toe
When she left the plastic surgeoon's office, she got hit by a bus, died, and went up to heaven
she said to god "u told me i would live to be 100. I was supposed to have had 40 more years. So how come u let the bus kill me?"God said " I didn't recognize u"
1 person likes this
4 responses
@ukchriss (2097)
•
19 Feb 07
A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were exploring the jungle and were captured by a fierce tribe.
As they sit in a hut, awaiting their fate, the chief
comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe.
The good news is that you get to choose how you die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." the chief gives him some poison, the Frenchman says, "vive la France!"
and drinks it down.
The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." the chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, "god save the queen!" and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." the chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork.
The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over -- the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere.
There’s blood gushing out all over, it's horrible.
The chief is appalled, and screams, "What are you doing???"
The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, "so much for your canoe, a******!"
@nuisance (84)
• Malaysia
21 Jan 07
The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls,and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity."
The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.
@jackf501 (853)
• Malaysia
17 Jan 07
purchasing mailing lists
With more than twelve billion catalogs being mailed annually, it's little wonder that marketers are distributing mailing lists anywhere possible. In one particularly cruel move, the proprietors of a chocolate catalog purchased the mailing list of a weight-loss organization. Chocolate sales rose almost immediately, but the weight-loss group wised up and now keeps it clients' names to itself.
@dragonstar13 (1465)
• United States
15 Jan 07
This was funny when I first read it in a posting by another member yesterday. Please use the search before posting.
