Recent Quips from Late Night

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"The president now says the government has the right to open anyone's mail at any time without a warrant. How crazy is that? President Bush finally decided he wants to read something and it's our mail. How about those memos on your desk?" --Jay Leno "How about that Saddam Hussein? It just goes to show you that if you kill people by the hundreds of thousands, pretty soon it's going to catch up to you." --David Letterman "President Bush announced that his nominee for U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations is a state department official named Zalmay Khalilzad. Or, as President Bush calls him, 'Hey Buddy.'" --Conan O'Brien "Presidential experts say Hillary Clinton will soon form a presidential exploratory committee. Actually, that's not new. She's formed presidential exploratory committees before ... when trying to find her husband." --Jay Leno "The United States Army is lowering its standards for education and DUI arrests. It's to recruit others, but let's just say they filled the job with the commander-in-chief." --David Letterman "After being sworn in for his ninth term, 90-year-old Senator Robert Byrd shouted, 'Praise Jesus'. In response, Jesus said, 'See you in about twenty minutes.'" --Conan O'Brien "It's been an even worse week for another guy with a mustache. Saddam Hussein is now roasting comfortable in hell. That, or he's in baby oil wrestling a pile of 72 virgins. I guess it depends on who you believe." --Jimmy Kimmel