To know or not to know..... That is the question.....

I would like to know if partner cheated me - you cant say you will never know the truth. It is much better to know it by now then to know it in the future when maybe i will get more involved in the whole relationship or even get married. And i think the same in every possible otpion - not even cheating partner - i always want to knwo more then less - well maybe that is my disadvantage but so it is :)

Yet another good dicussion topic. Well, I guess knowing the truth is something that everyone thinks is best but in reality it is true "what you don't know can't hurt you" if your spouse did cheat, realized it was a mistake and feels the shame then they suffer with the mistake everyday. If they tell you yes it can ease their suffering but starts the suffering for their partner. So in a way sharing that information is only benefitial on the cheaters behalf. It will ease their barden and give it in partial to their spouse. The spouse will then have the responsibility of either forgiving or leaving the cheater. If this is something that say happened years ago and has never taken place again do you really want to know? Would you really want to take on some of that suffering and be left with that decision yourself? On the other hand no one wants to be taken for a fool and if this is an ongoing event for the cheating partner than yes I would want to know because after all it is unfair to have to be part of a relationship that does not share faithfullness and be unaware of that fact. I really feel it depends on the situation if I would want to know.

i would not want to know. if it is 1 mistake then let him live with the guilt. why drag me into it. I want to go on loving him like nothing has changed and to do that i have to not know. if it is multiple partners, he'd better order his plot now though. i would want to know. how do you make that distinction though? What you dont know CAN hurt you or lead to communicable diseases so what do you do? My first instinct is to live my life in ignorant bliss though. Great topic by the way!

i'd still choose to be hurt by knowing what has happened about the cheating than becoming an ignorant woman who knows nothing and looks like a laughing stuff for those people who knows the cheating. i think that what would hurt more is to have a long term relationship and not even knowing everything, including the best and the worse things that your partner has done all throughout your relationship.

i been cheated in my past relationship so many times, i always find my way to know the truth but knowing it and still acepting him makes me feel hopeless and useless that's the wrong decision i made to my life before, if you want to know it just make sure you'll do something to stop it and if your not yet ready for the outcome then find it no more.

Personally, I have had the gut feeling that my partner is/has cheated on me. Don't ask me why, it is just there. He has been vague as to what he does, and where he goes. I guess that is why the feelings have come up. I think I would want to know since this is my second marriage. My first cheated on me, I was married for 10 years, 2 kids. This marriage we have a daughter. It would not only devastate her, but devastate me also. It made me feel foolish and idiotic the first time, this time would be no different. I could/would not stay. I've made it before on my own, I can certainly make it again. I am tired of worrying about it. What happens, happens!

I would absolutly want to know, i would hate the idea of being that stupid person who thingks that there relationship is great and meanwhile there partner is out doing there own thing. That to me would be so humiliating, i would rather know and then decide on my own wether i could forgive it or not.

Not knowing would hurt the most. I'd rather break up with someone I thought I loved than live with a lie, and never know the truth. How could I ever turst anyone again if I was never meant to find out?

If my wife cheated on me I'd want to know. I think it would be even worse for her to do it and then continue to lie to me by not telling me about it. I don't think I'd still be married afterward but I'd want to know the truth.

I think it would be infinitely worse not to know. I would rather know I was living with a cheater than the blissful ignorance of a fool who can't see what is going on under her nose. I really would rather know and be able to fix what is wrong, if our relationship is worth saving, than not know and the root cause never be addressed and corrected.

Well, I would really want to know if he is indeed cheating on me. I think from the start of the relationship, Il tell my partner that if you dont like me anymore and if you found someone better let me know because I will leave. Of course you will not expect him to tell you that he is cheating. Thats why, When im in a relationship, I always am careful of signs of infedility of my partner. I have been cheated in the past and its never easy when you are in this situation. Thats why after that experience Im more paranoid i guess. But you have to trust your partner first and if he can prove himself to be trusted then there will be no problem. And prayers help too...

I would rather know the truth, even if it hurts, instead of knowing nothing at all. At least, I can improve myself - if it is my weakness that causes him to cheat- or perhaps move on with my life without the cheater..

To know... being cheated by a partner without your knowing is like a stab in your back.. when you know that your partner is cheating you, at least you can prepare for the consequences.. you will be hurt, yes. but not knowing that your partner is cheating you hurts more.. time will come that all secrets will be revealed and you will still consequently know it.. so expand your radar and have an eye on your boy/gurlfrend.. and prepare to be hurt..^^

Never knowing would definitely be worse. I mean, you think everything is fine..a perfect relationship, but yet, your partner is cheating on the side and you have no idea. Think about how long that can occur..it could be years. I'd defintely want to know. Because never finding out..until the last minute can make the pain worse than it would have been in the beginning.

I would want to know. If it was a one time thing and he/she fells really bad about it then it is something you two can work out together. If it was not a one time deal and he/she still hides it then they have no fellings about the other parenter and that is not a relationships that either should be in. There is also the trust issue. You should be able to trust the person you are with no matter what kind of mistakes that are made. If the two of you truely love each other than you can work tough anything.

Well I think in 99% of cheating cases the truth does in the end come out. I would also be inclined to want to know the truth. But I would not want to sit and worry about it all the time, as this also would be a sign that there is maybe trouble in the relationship anyways. I know of a few people who have after a few years found out about their partners "double life", and the knowledge of this basically destroys them in the end as well.

If my partner cheated, I would want to know. I think if I know the truth we could at least try to work through it. If I don't know then my whole relationship is based on a lie. I would also want to know so that we could both be tested for STD's -- it is the responsible thing to do.

I agree. I would definitely want to know if my partner cheated on me. And what I have always noticed in all of my relationships with men is that the truth always comes out. Sometimes you don't find out for quite awhile, and other times you find out fairly quickly. But no matter how they try to hide having cheated on you, the other person does find out. Also, women's intuition is a very real thing. Whenever someone was cheating on me I would get a strong feeling that something was going on.

I agree with you. If my partner is cheating on me and if I even suspect it, it would be better to come upfront with it and then move on from there. At least we can then decide what to do about it. I am one of those who will suffer a nervous breakdown if I keep too many things that are troubling me inside.

i would prefer to know what my partner has been up to! i hate being in the dark. i believe that it's only in knowing the truth that you can really decide what's best for your relationship. The truth may hurt but it will lead you to a path that will be far more better than where you're at with your "cheating" partner.