Do you think grandparents should be responsible for raising their grandchildren?
By jamcon
@jamcon (15)
United States
January 16, 2007 10:51am CST
I have a cousin who is practically raising her grandchild. She babysits everyday while the parents work and that would be fine if they paid her. Then on top of that they expect her to watch the baby when they "need to get away" for the weekend once a month. The grandmother also babysits so they can go on "dates" and she buys all the formula and diapers for the baby so Mom and Dad don't have to "waste money they can use to buy designer clothes with". I think this is expecting way too much of my cousin who is has just retired at 48 and is trying to enjoy retirement with her husband. She never says anything to them because they will get mad and possibly not let her see the baby. What do you think she should do. Do you think Grandparents should be expected to be built in babysitters?
6 people like this
102 responses
@Sissygrl (10912)
• Canada
17 Jan 07
I think that if the grandparents are ok with it then grandparents make better babysitters then the teenager across the street. after all they raised one of the parents of the child right? but if the parents are taking advantage of the grandparents kindness they should talk about it and tell mom and dad, listen i love the kids and i love you guys.. but we need some time to ourselves too, so maybe we could set a couple days or a couple hours a week grammy will for sure watch the kids so you can get things you need to do done. I would love this luxury, both sets of grandparents in my family live very far away from me.
1 person likes this
@candygurl24 (1880)
• Canada
18 Jan 07
I definitely agree with you sissygrl. Grandparents aren't meant to be all time caregivers..now lets try to tell my nan that! I've always been appreciative to my grandparents and although they refuse to accept cash as payment for anything, I go and buy them little things here and there instead. They can't refuse a gift, and it makes me feel better too. But they definitely need time for themselves. The point of retirement is to enjoy life to the fullest at that point.
@reinydawn (11643)
• United States
17 Jan 07
I think it's nice of the grandparents to help out, but they shouldn't be abused in the process! Her kid need to get a grip on reality here! A child comes with certain responsibilities and postponing date night is one of them! So are mini-vacations! If they wanted the single life they should never have had the child.
My sister is a grandmother and she watches the baby some evenings while the parents are between jobs. The son works nights and the daughter works days so there's an overlap when they need a sitter. They aren't making a whole lot of money so she does it for free to help out. But I don't know that she'd be too happy if they were out whoopin' it up while she was watching the baby all the time - even though she really loves her time with him.
1 person likes this
@amanda84 (263)
• Malaysia
17 Jan 07
u mean they never pay her ? what kind of attitude is that.its good for ur frend to look after her granchild - to built the relationship btween both of them. but i think its not the rite way to pamper her children by not asking for babysitter fees. i mean - buying pampers & milk is the responsibilty of the parents not ur frend . tell ur frend that
1 person likes this
@gatorgirl277 (113)
• United States
17 Jan 07
No, parents are responsible for raising their own children. It is not a problem for grandparents to help out, especially if they are retired or have time and the parents are working. It is not fair for grandparents when they are forced to raise their children or give them up for adoption because they cannot afford to take care of them and their own children are not even capable of holding a job. I guess this leads to the conclusion that people need to be ready to take on the responsibilty of their children or don't have them until you are ready.
1 person likes this
@katty0004 (386)
• United States
17 Jan 07
When I went to work and my son was 2 and a half my family took care of him may as say were raising him, my grandmother watch him in the day time and my dad watch him it nights, I had a night time job I started work at 7:00 pm and got lucky to get off by 7:00 am the next morning, I get home get some sleep and check on him and go back to work my husband was a long haul truck driver and wasn't around till weekends. Thats when I would pick up my son and he would be with us though the week end, I did this for 7 years when they wanted to start making me work on week ends that was enough, I had to have some family life .
1 person likes this
@BellasmamaTiff (2544)
• United States
16 Jan 07
Ok........I have quite a bit to say about this subject. My grandparents adopted me, my sister and my brother when we were babies. And, now, they are helping my sister and I with our babies. First of all, you make it sound like getting away from your child once a month is a horrible thing! Do you have kids???? And, having date nights is not such a horrible thing either. Does your cousin actually have a problem with this or is it just you? Its really not your business for one thing. And, I don't feel that you should have to PAY the child's grandparents to spend time with them. So, I say, if your cousin really has such a big problem with it, she should speak up. You should stay out of it.
@monie2boys (176)
• United States
17 Jan 07
I think it's different if grandparents have to step in to take the parent's place. ...because something has happened to prevent the mom or dad from being there. My hats go off to all the grandparents who are able to do this. But when mom and dad are together and both working, they need to work with eachother's schedules more, before dumping the responsiblity on a grandparent who has a problem saying "no". And as far as this poster "minding her business", she probably does. Don't people have the right to post concerns here? We don't know if she has even said anything to her cousin about it.
@embattledsparkle (1072)
• United States
17 Jan 07
I agree. It's a different situation. It sounds like in this persons case, they are taking advantage of her. But then again... she's letting them do it.
I think it's wrong to at least not pay her a little something and to assume that she'll watch the child so they can get a weekend away or a date night. There is nothing wrong with getting a weekend away or having a date night. Heck, every parent needs a break. But it sounds like to much to be piled onto already watching the child during the week. If the grandparent doesn't care that they're doing this, I don't see a problem with it but if the grandparent does mind, then she needs to say something about it or it won't stop and the situation could just get worse later on with bad feelings and resentment. You shouldn't have to pay the child's grandparent to spend time with them, unless you're using them as a babysitter, all the time.
@edelweiss (1929)
• India
19 Jan 07
I think it is wrong for parents who let their responsibilities being taken care by their parents. For a child her parents are very important for her development.
My view is that everyone plays a role in childs development but each person hasa specific role. Parents have the lead role and that cannot be replaced by her grandparents.
@harmoniebreeze (246)
• United States
19 Jan 07
Isn't that nice. My kids have two alive grandparent s who are very young. One from each side and neither on of them wants anything to do with our kids. They only see them on holidays nd birthdays. I don't think they should even call themselves grandparents! In my mind they should help out even be just a little interested!
@maru_047in (1007)
• India
18 Jan 07
No ofcourse not everybody including then should b responsible for raising the children cause they have to get all the love and discipline from all the family members and children need to taught good charecter and all good things such that he ll grow with no shortages.
@ronita34 (3922)
• Canada
18 Jan 07
I have also been keeping my neice and nephew while my younger sister has her fun and i am only 25. I have been raising them on my own for almosy a year now. I am hoping that she will take them soon though! Grandmas are retired mothers and should be appreciated as well as respected!
@dianagaddi (765)
• Philippines
19 Jan 07
i grow up with my grandparents i live with them for 12years since im a month old. somehow they are apart of it. however, they can't control everything we do. and their not with us 24/7
@HenryChen (28)
• China
18 Jan 07
The problem is the common one to current society. I come from China and it is a traditional country. In China it is a popular thing that children are fed by their grandparents. Youny people are busy with their work. Grandparents retire and contribute their total time to feed and educate their grandchildren. So I think it is reasonable.
@hikarushidou (843)
• Philippines
17 Jan 07
I dont think grandparents should be obligated to take care of their grandchildren. That's the parents job. Although they can help in a huge amount, but they can't really be obligated since first, most grandparents are already old. I mean, they've retired because theyre tired of work and you'd give them another work again? Its never easy to take care of kids. That's just it. If they wanna help, the better. But they should never be pushed.
1 person likes this
@disvachic (10117)
• United States
17 Jan 07
It sounds like mom and dad are taking some advantage of grandmother.Its okay for grandmother to keep her grandchild if thats what she wants to do.She should not have to buy all the formula,now thats a bit out of control right there.I feel mom and dad should give her a little something for keeping the child,because if it was someone else then they would be paying.I was raised by my grandmother because my mother neglected me but im just like her daughter of hers.If granma have a major problem with it she should speak on it.If not maybe she loves her grandchild thats much and the child may make her feel happy
@SHERYARSHAH (118)
• Pakistan
17 Jan 07
no never why they are responsiable for raising their grand childrens grand child have right to do for them
@jbones32103 (717)
• United States
18 Jan 07
Somebody needs to give that couple a wake up call. The grandmother didn't have the baby. They are taking advantage of her really bad. Can anyone talk to them and give their opinion without getting the grandmother upset? It's not right for anyone to be used because they love a child.
