Teenagers can't live with them or with out them

I raised two daughters. The teen years are the hardest. I found that each of these two daughters were different and I had to use different approaches with each of them. I would never offer advice because she too will require different approaches to reach a better relationship. Each day will be different. It is really hard being a teen in today's society. I was a religious educator for teens for 14 years. This is the first year not teaching. I do miss the teens. They have so many trials and decisions to make that teen just a few years ago did not have. One think that I found was that a smile can go along way. Not a fake smile but a real one that says "I am trying to understand" Some days their lives are so stressed that your smile may be the only one she see's all day. Another thing that worked with both our daughters was: at dinner time prayer, always adk for strenth to have a better relationship as a family. They act like they dont listen but my daughter tells me that it did make a difference. She just did not want to show it. I wish you luck. Remember she will grow into a beautiful young lady soon enough. She is just tring to find out what she wants in life and how to get it. She will, no doubt, make many decisions that you will not approve of but she needs to know that you love her even when she makes wrong choices.

I did not have any daughter, I had 5 sons. My thoughts are that girls are more emotional like their moms. My boys tried to sass me but usually a sharg "EXCUSE" me was enough to heel them back in. They always had chores though and I think its good to give them responsibility. Money does not grow on trees in real life either, it has to be earned. To me it sounds like you are on the right track

Mothers and daughters always seem to have these periods where there is a lot of fighting and getting irritated at each other. I'm 26 years old and still get irritated at my mother. I don't really have any suggestions other than to be thankful that she at least loves you and isn't a troublemaker. Giving her an allowance sounds like a good idea that way she can earn some extra spending money while learning about responsibilities.

I sympathize with you. My daughter is 12 and she is already starting to get very argumentative with me. She gets very touchy about little things. I can see what the next few years are going to be like, Aaaggghhh!!! She constanly hounds me with the "I wants", so I let her earn money by doing household chores. She mows the lawn and helps me with housecleaning. I only give her an allowance when she does her chores. If she gets lazy and stops doing them, she doesn't get paid.

You know that children do not come with manuals LOL wish they did. have you tried just taking her out to the store and let her buy clothes and make it plain to her that she has to earn the money to get her own with... if you only have just the 2 children she might be jealous my sister had her oldest daughter than 12 years later she had a son and the daughter was jealous and my sister and her daughter always disagreed on everything i might not had been much help wisk you luck

My oldest sister was the same way. The thing my parents did was give her the space she THOUGHT she needed. After it was all said and done, my sister came running, wanting to be with the family after all.

I was taught to start doing chores at a very early age. But really didn't get paid for it I much I basically got the things I needed. But my sister gives her 14 and 16 a $30.00 allowance a month for chores like dishes and cleaning they have there alterante days that they clean. My niece who is just turning 16 thinks she is old enough and wants to be out on her own her and my sister go at it all the time and sometimes the cops have been called. We went to my sisters last weekend for a family dinner and there is 4 small children the youngest being a year old and my niece after 45 minutes starting saying she hated little kids an went off to her room. The 5,6 year olds are old enough to understand this and were hurt by it but we told them she loved them but was just upset at the time. She later apologized but still the hurt lingered in these little kids whom continued to ask about it for 2 days afterwards. So it does make more of a impact on smaller children then we sometimes realize and we need to protect them as much as possible from it. They shouldn't be told they are hated just because they were playing and having fun and making a little noise and she couldn't hear her boyfriend clearly. To me she shouldn't be calling him on a family day dinner anyhows. That wasn't the first time and I am sure it won't be the last time it happens. Children are like sponges they soak up everythig we don't want them to sometimes. Love hurts. I never really fought with my mom but my sister did and now her daughter fights with her I am hoping it will be a chain that breaks itself. Trying to give your daughters chores after not having them will cause alot of strain and alot of fights. My sister in law never made her girls do anything and then tried to get them to do chores and clean and she had her hands full and now they are 15 and 17-1/2 and she still has to fight with them everyday to get them to do anything. So I wish you all the luck in the world. And hope the fighting stops soon. It could be that she is really jealous of the younger sister getting the attention she once got.

You have my sympathy regarding teens. I raised 4 and what a fun time that was. Each one was different. They all want to grow up faster than they should. Be consistent and set rules and stick to them. Have tissue and a padded room handy for the times when you feel like banging your head against a hard surface or break into tears. Huggers to you and good luck. Enjoy your time with them, good or bad. An empty nest isn't fun.....but it grows on you eventually.

i think it is definetly tv earlier now it is many things like ipod pc etc

You think teenagers are giving you the trouble but its actually its the "parent" that give us teenagers problems, me and my dad fight all the time. He just wont leave me alone i hate questions just stop asking me questions. Just buy us clothes, provide food,give us our license and let us goto school and leave us alone. we could be alot better off if you werent in our buisness so much and telling us which friends we should be with.

My mum and I went through the same phase, and it was exactly that.. a phase. She will grow out of it. Right now she thinks that you and her are equal adults, she'll set herself straight soon enough.

My girls are 14 and 9. They've had chores all their life. I've never held back on them. There's no reason they can't help clean the house or wash the dishes and clothes when they get them dirty. Now if they go above and beyond the common dubties ( which are set by their age and abilities ) then I'm more than happy to reward them generously. They already know if they want something, earn it. My youngest daughter actually opened her first savings account of her own( on her own, with her own money, we just drove )last weekend. It was even her idea. I don't have much trouble out of either of them other than dragging their feet when told to do something. They respect their parents. I've always exposed them to way more than most people would think of. I remember several years ago showing my youngest daughter that if the bought the product without the cartoon character on the box it cost less for the same stuff. She could then save the extra money for something else. At the store we went to they actually had a minikids shoping cart and I gave her a precalculated amount to buy her list of things with. By the third week she'd stoped getting boxed cereals all together and was getting the big bags instead. My stories about my oldest are too numerous to count. She was working problems with decimals by the time was in kindergarden. Shes got a 4.0 Gpa in advanced classes with extraciricular activities now. I've got an interesting teaching style as well. Instead of just going over their books I break out the props or come up with projects to help them learn. By the time we're done they've found it much more interesting and learned volumes more than is in the book. As a mideval reinactor and craftsman I can come up with all kinda projects. I think a lot of problems with peoples kids come from the fact that their suddenly expected to take on responsabilities when they reach a certain age instead of gaining more gradually. When more responsability is suddenly droped on them they don't see the rewards that come from it. My oldest daughter actually reinforces my policy when my youngest complains. I sometimes hear "Well why does katie get more or to stay up later" . To which katie answers " because I worked harder for it". I don't even have to say anything. I hope some part of this helps.

well I raised 5 daughters.Until they turned 14,everything was great.None of this includes my oldest daughter who was and is a saint.lol compared to her other sisters.First remember your own attitudes at that age and then remember that she is looking at the world through the eyes of a teenager,not a mature woman.She is at the age now where she forgot that most all she knows,she learned from you.How easily they forget the person who at one time meant everything to them.Now they think they know all the answers and everything you know is old and played out.Little do they know that nothing is old and nothing is new.We all walk in our parents shoes sooner or later and later we appreciate all we put them through and wonder how they made it and still have love for us.You are the teacher and although they entered the world through you,they are here for another purpose and you are here to teach them what you learned and how you learned.They may not seem to be listening,but once words are said they are heard and when a time comes in their life that they need some advice and you're not around,something you said will come back to them like cookies on a computer.Just be the best you can be,they won't appreciate you and they will even convince you that you are the worst,but when their choices and actions bring about the consequences of those choices and actions they will remember that mother tried to warn them,after awhile that's all you can do.good luck.

Well try not to focus so much on the assignment of chores and start doing more outside activities with them. That way the relationship will get a lot better.

She is a normal Teenager believe me I have been there with my Daughter she is 20 in 2 Months and believe me sometimes now I still wander who the Mum is but yes do give her something to do and just try and stay at her level try not to let her get to you and certainly never show it There where times I used to ignore my Daughter when she had her tantrums and she soon enough stormed of to her room and calmed down

Mothers and daughters always clash -- it's just the way things work! I don't think the idea of a chart will work; if she's anything like me, she'll refuse to jump for 'treats', and she'll resort to finding another way to earn her money -- which is probably not what you want. There's no way around it; you're going to clash -- just remember, she's probably feeling the strain too.

teens can live off course ... they are the best in themn selves

u r righr i think

I work with the Boy Scouts as well and one thing I've seen with the 25 teenagers in my Troop is that they all will do something along these lines sooner or later. Seems to be part of them expanding their boundries. Not an excuse for inapprobiate behavior but it seems to be particually where they get it. I've also gained an apprication for Tigers and totally understand why they will eat their young sometimes...8-)

just stay cool and wait soon the teenager time will past