What to do with a 21 year old at home? Ideals anyone!

Haven't experienced this personally but have friends who did. Their son went to college for one year and then returned home because he missed his high school aged girlfriend. He thought he would sleep until she got out of school every day, then talk to her on the phone, then put his hand out for some money from mom and dad to put gas in the car and take her to dinner and movies and whatever. And then he would be on the computer half the night. They were in living hell until they realized they needed to take back control of their home and take back their lives. They laid down a giant set of ground rules for what it will be like to live at home as an adult. Their plan was to either have a contributing adult at home who was decent to be around and had a productive life ... OR to have him return to college ... OR to move out and find out very quickly what it's like to sink or swim. The rules included requirements for church every single Sunday, performing a set of chores daily (garbage out, bed made, dirty clothes in wash room, etc.), finding a job within one month (and that meant putting out no less than 12 applications a day at viable jobs), getting up daily by 8 a.m. on weekdays, getting OFF the computer by midnight on weekdays, spending no more than 2 hours on the computer unless it was related to a job search, and the parents refused to give any money whatsoever to fund the social life with the girlfriend. They DID agree to keep gas in the car FOR JOB HUNTING ONLY for that one month period. After that, not even money for gas. They set out these rules with a giant "This is because we love you" attached. And, of course, that's true. A parent's job never ends, but it surely doesn't slack off when the child becomes 18 or 21. Sometimes it kicks in even harder then. This is tough love. And some kids just require it. As for your son, the driver's license must be the first requirement. It's not an option unless you live in an area where you do not have to have a car to have a job. You have to lay out a set of rules with timetables and consequences. Make it clear to him that you aren't setting him up for failure, that you honestly hope he succeeds and that you enjoy having him around and aren't trying to push him out into the world entirely (just out into the productive job-holding part of it!) He may not actually say thank you some day, but he surely, surely will think it.

i think he have some problem which he is not able to share with u , so being a parents i think u have to talk with him . if he still not do anything than just go for holiday in different place , change of enviornment help person sometimes .

I think you should try tough love. I use to be that way with my parents. They would do everything for me and say they would take it away from me but never follow through. I think you should stop doing things for him and only buy his neccessities (not sure if I spelled that right) until he starts doing something like cleaning up around the house and then looking for a job but if you keep giving him what he wants then you are just enabling him to be lazy and dependant. I think you are a great parent for noticing this cause most parents just overlook it. Good luck and God bless!

I know of a few people who are having he same problem they can't even get their son to do an chores around the house. My son got a job at the age of 18 or 19 some where around there he was going to school and working full time at the same time. Not because I asked him to but because that is what he wanted to do. He has now graduated high school I thought he would go to college but at this point he has not. He still has a full time job.