Keeping your children safe... from your own family

No, I have not myself. But I commend you for protecting your child. I have family members that I would not allow my children to stay with because of the lifestyle they choose for themselves. It is every parents job to protect their little ones. First I would explain that you are just not comfortable away from your son. That should be the end of the conversation. I would avoid cutting "ties" because there are diplomatic ways to deal with this. Perhaps telling them that you and the childs father have made the decision that your children would not visit away from you. Make sure your activities during your vacation is family orientated and there is no excuse to have to leave your Son behind. Good luck to you.

I think if you are seriously considering cutting ties. Then you should tell them how you feel. What have you got to lose. Only good could come out of it in my opinion. At least they will know where you stand. Then I would make a descision after that. Good luck, I'v never had the problem thank God. You are to be commended for protecting your baby.

The safety of your children should be your number 1 priority. If you think he is going to be abused then keep him away from those people even if they are relatives. If you do choose to visit, maybe you should be totally honest with your family and tell them your concerns and make it definite that when you do visit, your child will always have a parent with him. Abuse is something that scars a child for life as you well know, It's not worth the risk.

i know what you mean. i do not have kids but i do feel that it is important for your child to meet with his folks good or bad. he needs to learn that family is a strong bond no matter if they are good or bad. As far as the abuse isse goes do not let him go over there until he is old enough to understand that they should not harm him in any way. My older sister tells me about my crazy aunt who has been abusive to EVERYONE in my family. She is basically known as the pyscho of the family. Everyone knows it, but we still accept her for her crazy self. no one is perfect. But when she does get crazy I know when it is time to go. Your child cannot be shelterd forever. You'll just have to teach him what is right and let him make his own decisions, but sheltering him is not the way to go. He may even resent his parents for keeping him form his grandparents for so long. It is good that he meets and spends time with his family.

my in laws live in MASS and we in Oklahoma. They have seen my first daughter twice and my 7wk old only in pictures. my children will never be allowed to go stay with them for the summer. they dont even know them. my MIL has baby sat my oldest for a few hours one day, but that was it. if you dont feel comfortable, just tell them that you'd rather things be done this way or that way with YOUR child. it is YOUR right as a parent to choose what happens with your child, not theirs.

i am in the same situation. my step dad physically abused me and my real dad sexually abused me. i sometimes go see my real dad but i will not let my daughter stay alone with him, not even for 5 minutes. i don't trust him and i never will. he gets mad at me for not letting her but i don't care, i have to stand my guard to keep my daughter safe. i even remind my daughter about the good touch bad touch before we go and she's only 3.

I really understand. I have had to make my mom angry over this one. We live in the same town and I won't leave my kids at her house. Just do what is right for your children. They should learn to respect how you want to raise him. Best wishes.

I actually am partly afraid to have children because I do not want my mother-in-law to press charges for visitation of my child. She was abusive to my husband, she and I got along before we said we were getting married but then she turned on me and tried so despertly to split us up. We had to get married without her knowledge because of the fear she would ruin it and although it was all my husband's idea and his discission she blames me and acts as if I am ordering my husband not to have a relationship with her. It is all he who doesn't, she stoled from him, tried to ruin any relationship with his entire father's side of the family, won't let him see his brothers that are in poor health due to her not allowing them to eat properly saying they will get fat. She now acts as though I don't exist, my husband gets cards addressed only to him from her side of the family. It is just sickening. The problem is that i have heard lately about grandparents taking their children to court for visitation rights to see their grandchildren. a fear I have because this woman loves to take people to court and the custody battle she has with my husband's father over his younger brothers is horrible. All I can say is you may need to just bite the bullet and either have them see you or you will have to go out there. If you must stay with your child and they ask why say I'm simply an over protective mother. Ignore any talk about the future that you children will visit there without you it is too far in the future to worry about. You will just have to make your visit short and sweet. If it becomes a problem simply leave. Give them the chance to see the child but let them know you are in charge. If they don't go allong they won't see your child.

I would avoid it if they were the ones abusing you when you were a kid. I wouldnt let my kid be in that situation

OH I hear ya on that! I don't visit either of my parents because one was physicaly abusive and the other is STILL emotionaly abusive. There is absooultely no reason for you to feel guilty about protecting your child and yourself from people who have a bad history with you. My father lives in Kentucky and his health is failing. I talke to him on the phone everyoonce in a while now because I know he won't be around for long, but you don't seee me getting plane rickets or renting a car to go visit. 18 years was enough of that up close and personal torture! My mother lives about about 45 minutes from me and I don't visit her. here lately i have stopped spaking wiht her on the phone for more than about 3 minutes because as soon as I relax she tries to take advantage of me. She still send a check to me on my birthday, it goes in my bank, and I don't change anything about how I deal with her. It is not worth it. She knows that she cannot buy her way back in. Stick by your instincts. I am positive that your plans for your child will be much healthier in the long run, and you will respect YOURSELF much more than if you give in to obligation, and you will be a much better parent for it! YOU GO GIRL!

If anything BEFORE you and your family visit, maybe you need to sort out the issues that are bothering you. Talk to the family members that didn't come to your rescue when you needed them the most. It sounds like you need to vent before the real visit..good luck to you and your family...

I have to say, that you must do what you feel is right. Considering what you have stated that has happened in the past, you must do what you feel is right. If you are not comfortable leaving your child alone with any of your family, then don't. I suggest you tell them why, and tell them you are not about to let what happened to you, happen to your child, and make it perfectly clear that will not have him, at any one time, alone for any reason whatsoever.

I am in a similar situation. My mother was also very neglectful and somewhat abusive. She was a single parent and tried her best, but she made a lot of mistakes. I don't leave my daughter with her alone. It usually isn't a problem, and if she asks "Can't I just watcher her while you go do...?" I tell her that my daughter is a handful and is very shy when she is by herself so it is better if either I or her father stays with her. Wait until your son is old enough to take care of himself before you send him off to stay with his grandparents. That way he will know to tell you if they are doing something they shouldn't be and you will be able to get him out of there. It's best not to cut ties with family if it can be avoided. I have done that, and it is really hard for everyone involved. Unless the situation is such that it is dangerous to stay involved with that family member, it is better to see them on more rare occasions than to completely cut them off.

If you are to ever get full handle on your life you must at the very least confront your parents. I know it sounds crazy but sometimes parents do the best they can do which can turn out to the worst. At the minimum you owe your parents a simple explanation over why they don't see their grandchild.. My father used to beat me terrible for being a "mouth" however he grew over the years and learned that there are different ways to handle his anger. After many talks, I have allowed my son to spend weeks at a time with him and his wife. People do change, it is up to you to decide if they have changed enough. But you will never know if you don't open the lines of communication.

Tell your family that you love them, but they need to back off for a little while. They need to go live their own lives and you need to live your's.

sadly yes, I'm in a similar situation. My dad's mom paid high end atternies to represent my dad in a custody case. He won the case to to the lawyers telling my mom the court date was rescheduled and she showed up on the wrong date. I was then left by my dad to live with his mom along with my brother. I remember her hitting me with "switches" (homemade whips) for thinking my parents are good people (which they are), and for asking to visit them. Now she wants me to let my children to go to california alone with her for a "vacation". H3LL NO!!! I moved 3 states away for a reason. Plus she told my brother incest is ok. And he has a report of rape (against a minor from when he was a minor too). So I have NO guarentee my children will be safe. So I hear ya. What makes this easier for me to deal with is remembering all they did to me & that my children come first & foremost.

No, but I understand!! I myself was abused as a child. The "guy" (don't want to call him a man or my "father" because to me he was neither), has now past on since then so I don't have to worry about him anymore. But one thing that I did want to say is that there is nothing wrong in protecting your child. When I am with my family...actually ANYWHERE, my children are with me 100% of the time. As far as leaving him to your mother, I am with you in that the answer is no, she will just have to understand. My mom knows how I am with my children and that they go everywhere with me, so it would be hard to let them go for that long of a period of time. If I was you, I would visit because everyone needs to see their family some time in their life, but I would put my foot down if anyone wanted me to leave them in their care. You are their mother, you are their protector, that is your duty, and there is nothing wrong in following through!!

Well go for a small time say 5 days and naturally with 7 month old child you should always be there to look towards his needs.

I will be honest with you. I am almost in the same situation. I have cut ties with my father and younger brother. I have made it abuntantly clear they will have nothing to do with my son. But my mum can have all the time in the world with him. I commend you for thinking of your childs saftey, and dont let anyone tell you they need to see them because they are "family" . I am also having siliar problems with my motherinlaw as She would beat her 3 sons severly. I simply dont trust her alone with him. If you need someone to talk to message me.... I will be happy to chat with you about these issues.

not much. Hope u will handle it in the right way. Have a great time.