Would you rather be the girl or the wife?

I myself would also be rather be the wife who did not know that the other girl existed in my husband's life. At least what I don't know would not hurt me. At this instance, I could spare myself of the hurt and agony I would feel whenever he was not at my side knowing that he might be at another bed.

There will really come to a point where this wife would know. But until this happens, I guess I would rather be the wife who did not know. At least if the time happens, it would be one big blow for me to handle and make a decision on this problem. This situations are really very sad and like you said these are very true and unfortunately, they really do happen in life.

Well if the man adds another girl then I guess that man is really out of his mind! But in the same case, I would rather not know at least it would spare me of the hurtful feelings.

Well I guess you have raised good points there but you actually forgot that there is what you call legal separation. In our country, we also do not have divorce but we do have legal separation and annulment. But it is also nice to hear that at least you would not have to feel guilty being with your husband and at least you don't know so it wouldn't bother or hurt you.

Well I guess in this case, I also would want to be the wife who did not know. But I guess eventually there will come a time that she would know then I would rather be the girl because as the wife, I might not be able to handle it and would eventually decide to give up the husband. Thank you for your response.

It would be easy to choose the moral high-ground. I also would not want to be in the shoes of any of the two. But what if you had to choose between the two? Which of the lesser evils would you choose.

yes,maybe it's right not to know about but...when u eventually find out..after some time...al you can think of is that all u have lived from then on was a total lie...it's like all ur life was a big ugly lie,and u live next to a stranger...i know that's what i felt and it was horrible...i was crying myself to sleep,wishing i would wake up from this nightmare..unfortunately,it was not a nightmare...i don't wanna get through that again..maybe it sounds dramatic,but i am not a superficial person,and my feelings were too heavy,painfull to ignore them

I do share your sentiment. But at this point, I would rather spare myself of the hurt. I know how it feels to know that the person you love has another, it would be easier for me if I did not know what was going on. It really is not right but most of the things in life are not right.

I actually know how that feels since it has happened also to me. But weighing both situations, I still would rather be the wife who did not know. Being the girl who knew could destroy me little by little. As for the wife who will eventually know, at least it is just one big blow upon knowing the truth so she just have to survive and decide whether or not to stay or leave her cheating husband. I would have the upper hand on deciding whether he is still worth my love and finally give an ultimatum to choose between us.

Well I guess you have a point there but being the girl for me would destroy me little by little until I am consumed, not unless I develop a certain tolerance to the idea that whenever he is not with me he is with her. Although it is better for me since I know the exact scenario of this relationship. It is really hard to deal with the pain of knowing.

Actually, this may be true. To set the records straight this is the real story. My friend asked me for an advice. She asked me this question on who would I rather be. I answered that I would rather be the wife who did not know, at least it would spare me the hurt. She answered me that she would also be the wife but unfortunately, in this case, she is the girl who knew that there was a wife. She met this man unexpectedly and have fallen in love with him in just a few days. After something had happened to them in bed, the man confessed that he was married. It came to a shock to her but he said that he really liked my friend very much and that he loved her. The thing is the guy said: we met now that I am married but I am happy with you. My friend is also very happy with him. In defense to my friend, she is not a home wrecker but she really loves this person already and it is really hard for her to let go. I asked her that you only have two choices. Either to walk away but you have to bear with the fact that you are now leaving him and taking the moral high ground or be with him but live with hurting yourself whenever he is not by your side and be the sl_ _ t to everyone's eyes. She confessed that she cannot bear the fact of not being with him and would rather choose to get hurt. One day, she received a text message from the guy telling her not to text or call her for that day because he was with his wife and asks her to understand. She sure does understand but she was madly jelous and hurt. I could only console her as a friend. That's why I tried to ask this question to you guys to help me see what would other people do in this situation.

Well, it could also happen to husbands too you know. I know of a wife who has another man and yet her husband never knew what was going on.

could you spare us some moments and say why?

I also would like to hear why you chose to be the wife.

We can never truly say that the husband would always choose the wife. That's why there are divorces and separation because sometimes, the husbands or the wives chooses the third party.

Thank you for being candidly hones about this. I do see how it emotionall drained m friend. I do hope that she can try to leave him and get a new guy. But the fact is she really does like the guy very much and could not bare not being with him even though she knows what the situation might bring.

I have to agree with this statement.... I cant even believe this question has been asked. REALLY, women who openly and knowingly have affairs with married men should be hung up for the world to spit on, along side the man who cheated with her.

It is easy to say when you are not in that situation. It is always very easy to go for the moral high ground. I also share the same view on marriage that it should be sacred and when you express your vows, you must really mean it and live up to it. But we all know that in most cases this does not happen. I am just being realistic. I also hate people who cheat on their partners, but I would rather not know that he or she is cheating on me to spare me of the hurtful feelings.

Well I also would not want to be neither but if push comes to shove, I would rather be the wife who did not know. At least she is the innocent victim who had a clear conscience. But eventually I don't know if I would be tough to handle the truth. Thank you for your response.

I would like to thank you for your response, but after reading it, I still don't know which side you chose. You made good points on both scenarios. The wife having the legal rights while the girl as the being the irresistable one.

I actually chose the same which is to be in the shoes of the wife for the reason of not knowing. I have seen my friend's suffering regarding the matter of being the girl. the guy suddenly confesses that he is married but still wants to continue the relationship because he likes her. I persuaded her to let go but after all that she still decided against her better judgment because she told me that she would be lost without him. I had no other choice but to support her in her decision.

well i guess the main thing that is nice about being the wife is that what she does not know won't hurt her. Nevertheless, there might come a time that she would find out, I could not imagine the devastation that will come on both parties as well as the affected ones.

Most would prefer to be the wife but there are some who would choose to be the girl. Actually it is the cheating partner who should be blamed also not only the mistress. They are both responsible for their actions. In some cases, the wife also has some responsibility because she might be neglecting the needs of her husband.