"Our" Money
By kristypants
@kristypants (305)
Canada
January 18, 2007 2:52am CST
If the husband is out working and the wife is a stay at home mom, do you think it should still be referred to as "our money"?
I think that just because being a stay at home mom isn't a technical job, it's more work than alot of other jobs out there, and it lasts 24/7.
Under normal circumstances my husband refers to it as "our money", but whenever we fight the "MY MONEY" comes out.
What do you guys think? Is a woman entitled to share her husbands money when she's a stay at home mom? Are you in this situation? Guys, if your wife stays at home, do you seriously consider it "our" money?
8 people like this
76 responses
@4monsters4me (2569)
• United States
18 Jan 07
In our house it is "our money" even though I am a stay at home mom. I haven't worked in almost 7 years. But even before we got married he started giving me his paychecks to deposit in my account so I could pay both of our bills. Then after we were married I put him on my checking account so he was able to use the checks, too. He occasionally pulls out the fact that he earns the money but I am the one that pays the bills so I am in charge of the money. I know how much we have and where it is going so I feel it is my responsibility.
4 people like this
@gapeach65 (805)
• United States
18 Jan 07
My husband and I have discussed this a lot, our thought is that when you get married everything should become OURS, not mine, he always says that the only thing of his that isn't mine is his underwear, and visa versa. I'm a stay at home mom, so I don't get a paycheck, except a little extra cash I get for babysitting our neighbors daughter after school. Ocassionally when we're talking if I say something about "his" money, or if I ask to go to the store; he gets real upset and says, "it's OUR money and you don't have to ask to go to the store".
I have two sisters and they both still have seperate account, one of them even goes so far as to have to give her husband money for her share of the bills. I do not agree with that at all, but I'm not telling her how I feel.
@lilaclady (28207)
• Australia
18 Jan 07
A marriage is a partnership just like in a business, I believe all marriages a contract should be drawn up before the marriage as to what each partner is bringing into the marriage, this will always be in their name therefore any earnings or things bought after marriage is a joint venture, Of course it should be our money you work hard cooking, cleaning and everything else, heavens above what is he thinking.
@cwgrlsarefun (1581)
• United States
18 Jan 07
I am also a stay at home mom and my husband considers all ot the money he makes as our money. He always says that if I were not at home doing my job, he would not be able to go in and do his job. We all know this is not true, but it sounds good coming from him. Anyhow we try to make it a rule that with disagreements or arguments we do not bring up money. This was one of the things that we did discuss before I decided to stay at home with the children and it was decided together that it would never be thrown in my face. It seems to work well with us this way. To answer your question though it should always be considered as your money.
@brihanna (381)
• United States
18 Jan 07
If it is really his money, perhaps he should give you a weekly paycheck:) Figure out how much it would cost him to hire a cook, a housekeeper, a laundress, a daycare provider (if you have kids)and anything else you can think of. When you give him your weekly bill, maybe he will begin to think of it as "our money".
3 people like this
@wrdsofwisdm (1069)
• United States
19 Jan 07
Kristy,
I remember seeing a show that addressed this topic and what they did was have the husband take care of the kids for 24 to 48 hours with no assistance from anyone else. It seemed to cure them once they realized how much work it actually is to be a stay at home mom.
2 people like this
@yorb24 (2179)
• United States
19 Jan 07
I think it would be considered 'our money'. A marriage is a joint partnership which means JOINT in everything you do and earn including money. Whether someone works or not, doesn't matter. You entered into this partnership together.
@BittyBiddy (2903)
• Ireland
18 Jan 07
I suppose it is "our" money. I was quite enjoying myself though thinking that what's his is mine, and what's mine is mine too. Now I have to go and share.
Seriously though, everything we own is ours. And we haven't had an argument where "my" money has come into it yet, thank heavens because I would take great exception to that.
2 people like this
@usmcprincess (299)
• United States
18 Jan 07
I stay at home and I take care of the house as well as taking care of a couple of kids at my home. My husband and I have had a couple of argument that have been my money but after we sit down and talk about it I make a list of everything I do during the day and I put a price next to each thing and then I give it to him. He adds it up and I tell him then that will be my paycheck. Then he realizes how much I do to keep our lives running smoothly.
2 people like this
@DenisenJess (29)
• United States
18 Jan 07
I think it should definitely be considered "our money." If you didn't stay at home, you guys would have to pay someone else to watch the little ones while you both worked. AND that would mean that he would have to do at least half of the household chores...only fair, right? So, after bringing these things to his attention, ask him if he think you should get a job. If he says no, then ask him if he still thinks the money is his!
1 person likes this
@Magtanggol (35)
• Philippines
19 Jan 07
BAsically I agree with Denisen Jess, if there is a problem with managing the money they both of you should talk about it. Perhaps he is just voicing out the he has problem with the income he gets that he is not taking anything from what he earns.
1 person likes this
@phillipinesview (56)
• Philippines
19 Jan 07
im a home mom,the money of my husband is my money too..thats an husbnad obligation to his home wife and ofcourse for his kids and expences...
1 person likes this
@ScrappinHappyMom (914)
• United States
18 Jan 07
I think that your situation is the typical fight between a husband and sahm. Most of the time every thing is peachy until money and fighting. It is a weapon that they use to try and hurt, I know my husband does. One time after a bad fight he said you need to get a job, so the next day he came home, the house was trashed, the sink was full, the dirty clothes were on the floor... you get the picture. It stayed that way for three days while I looked for a job from 8-6 I was figuring in travel time. On the fourth day he said "you win" I am still a sahm and the house is clean. He has never mentioned "My Money" again.
1 person likes this
@vianneivanne (91)
• Philippines
19 Jan 07
You really made me laugh!It's a cliche but really, husbands should know and appreciate the hardwork that a wife puts into housekeeping. Marriage is indeed about responsibilities and sharing them.
Money is ALWAYS an issue no matter how some couples would deny it. Let's face it, when money is running short, people tend to have shorter tolerance, too. Suddenly every little thing can get you upset, minor things suddenly become a big deal.
I believe that regardless of who is working, the money should always be owned jointly by the couple. Not in the sense of course of giving the other all the freedom to splurge it on unnecessary things, but it's simply a matter of courtesy and acknowledging the fact that you both need to survive.
The housewife's obligation then is to just make sure that all the house is kept orderly, the bills are paid on time, food is ready whenever it's supposed to be and the kids' needs (and the husband's) are attended to.
Of course, a little extra should also be afforded for the housewife because all women need some time for themselves, too, like maybe getting nails done once in a while, buy decent clothes and the simple diversions like watching a movie at the theatre or scoring a copy of a favorite magazine. Or in certain cases, the wife might also have to extend a little financial assistance to her family, like maybe to her parents or siblings.
My husband and I are absolutely on the same page regarding these things. He'd always remind me that there's no more "me & you", but rather there is "us". I never had to ask his permission to buy some stuff. I used to just stay home, too but now that I have a job, it is still the same. His money is still "our money", the only difference is that he just lets me have my earnings to myself because he completely understands that mine is not necessarily a high-paying job and even if it was, he still doesn't plan to "touch" whatever I'm earning.
Having the husband refer to his earnings as "our money" will show that he respects the marriage and his wife's role in the home.
@baysmummy (1637)
• Australia
19 Jan 07
I am a stay at home mum and my fiance is the main income earner, and yes both of us consider it our money, never once has he ever referred to his earning as his money although if he wanted to he could, he is not my sons father although he has taken on the role as his father and provides everything for my son because he wants to not because i make him.
1 person likes this
@cloudwatcher (6861)
• Australia
19 Jan 07
Marriage is all about "our".
Marriage is no longer "mine" and "yours". It is not "his" and "hers". EVERYTHING is "OURS".
Marriage is about union. Marriage is about sharing. Marriage is about togetherness. Marriage is becoming one.
While each can remain independent, having independent likes and dislikes, interests, aversions, responsibilities etc, each is totally dependent on the other. Each considers the other. The two work together as one, because they are one.
Money, possessions, everything become "ours" to be discussed together and agreed upon together. There is no such thing, in marriage, as "His" and "Hers".
1 person likes this
@deedles88 (297)
• Australia
19 Jan 07
Im a stay at home mum, I do have a job apart from my daughter. I dont bring in very much for it, I only work about a day a week. My fiance and I have this talk all the time, I feel worthless sometimes because Im not contributing as much as he. But the way he reasons it is; If I were to go out and get a full time job, we would be paying $200+ a week in childcare fee's and that would take up most, nearly all of my paycheck. So by staying home, looking after our daughter, I am saving us money (would be childcare fee's) and that is apart of my wage aswell.
I agree with him. I wouldnt give up my 'job' of raising Maddison for anything in the world. Watching her crawl around yelling out "Mumma" is the best feeling in the world!
1 person likes this
@manleymom (105)
• United States
19 Jan 07
Yes we have this as well! We have been together for 8 years married for 3 years now. I have been a stay at home mom for about 4 years now. He never has a problem w/ what I do with the $$. He works, we put the $$ in the bank and I'm in control of it. Now when it comes a day or so before next pay check and there's no $$ then he wants to get mad. He wants to act like I spend his $$, when it all goes for the bills, the kids and him. I do not buy stuff for myself. I usually only buy stuff that we 'need' no luxuries unless it was already budgeted. Then he usually starts in about how he works 12 hours a day 6 days a week and I'm at home sitting on my butt doing nothing. Which truely pisses me off because without me the kids would not be taken care of, there would be no groceries, utilities not taken care, no clean clothes, no clean house, etc, etc, etc. I tell him I'll be glad to switch places with him but then I know my platter would be even fuller because nothing would be done and I would have to do it all even if I was working.
1 person likes this
@cool_xanders (121)
• Indonesia
19 Jan 07
I'm a husband, and I definetely would consider my earning as 'our' money.
How can I say that this is 'my' money, while I realise that my spouse is a home mom.
I just want her to use it all but properly offcourse
1 person likes this
@tgfloresca (14)
• Philippines
19 Jan 07
Of course, whatever amount of money that comes into the family is FAMILY money. Why does your husband work and get paid for in the first place? It is for THE FAMILY, right? So, the husband AND the wife get to have equal rights over this money, even if she just stays at home and take care of the household.
1 person likes this
