Why did this child have to struggle this way?
By jesi06
@jesi06 (279)
United States
January 18, 2007 10:31pm CST
My daughter's boyfriend called tonight crying. He told me that he really needed to talk to my daughter. I asked if everything was ok and he broke down. I handed my daughter the phone and within moments her face fell pale. The news: his 15 year old cousin had somehow gotten ahold of a rifle and shot himself dead. He was hospitalized for depression and put on medication a few months ago...and now he has taken his life. What happen here to this child is not uncommon. I have heard this same type of thing 3 times within the last 2 years. Now, I know that when one is taking medications for depression, they can sometimes have suicidal thoughts(which is strange why someone would give this kind of medication to someone who is already suicidal..this just makes no sense)but what are we doing to these kids?? Right away when our kids get depressed the doc wants to put them on meds. In fact my daughter was going through some stuff herself, and the psycologist outright said..."she don't need counseling, she just needs medication to help her deal with the stress." I told him basically to "pound sand where the sun don't shine" Teenagers go through a tremendous amout of stress. It is one of the most stressful times finding out who you are or what you want to be. When they are troubled we turn to these counselors hoping for answers only to be told they need medication instead? Just as I told her psycologist....What happens to someone you push meds on when they forget to take it....they now have no coping skills and no meds and now they are left with nothing! I can tell you what happens....suicide,cutting,anger outrage,mental breakdown,etc. We cannot just "dope the kids up" and hope for the best, we need to teach them how to cope with issues both good or bad. This poor child is now dead because nobody guided him, they just pushed meds on him and let him fall through the cracks. It is SO sad that we give up so soon.
9 people like this
21 responses
@samwilliams06 (946)
• United States
19 Jan 07
Thats a very sad and common story. I do agree with you about the medication thing. My brother took it all through his teenage years and to me it just seem to stablize him temporarily but when he was off them it mad it worse. In this case, the cons may not outweigh the pros but the risk are much greater. I am sorry for the loss the family had to deal with but we are very limited on solutions for these kinds of things.
1 person likes this
@Mommiewendy (106)
• United States
20 Jan 07
I am sorry your daughter and her bf has to go through that
@wahmoftwo (1296)
• United States
19 Jan 07
I think that you are right. I don't know much about this, but I'm sure in some cases that medicine is probably appropriate though. It should NOT be the first thing that people try though.
1 person likes this
@JC1969 (1224)
• United States
19 Jan 07
It's not just with kids and teens. I see adults that go to the doctor and just medicate them for their feelings and their symptoms of depression, and other mental instabilities.
I am very against this type of treatment. Many mental instabilities have tools that can be taught to the patient to help them recognize pre-cursor signs, and then they can work on ways to handle it better. Sure, medication may definitely be needed, but to not help a person see why they are feeling as they are, or help them feel empowered again is abuse in my book. You can medicate them and make them feel better temporarily, but what about trying to identify and treat the underlying cause? That comes with counselling.
Unfortunately, we live in a society that still stigmatizes those with mental illness and it is reflected in the way medical insurances cover mental illness. Most will cover a certain amount of visits to a counselor, which is like telling the patient, "Oh, you better get well in 6 sessions or your out of luck and on your own." This often makes people not go and get diagnosed to begin with.
@JustSimplyLissa (547)
• United States
20 Jan 07
This breaks my heart, it's a wonderful post and poses real issues. Ty for sharing it although i feel bad for your daughter & boyfriend. Hopefully they find peace.
I send my prayers.
@raveemenon (1071)
• India
20 Jan 07
I feel sorry on the whole episode. You brought a common problem to the forum. It is easy for the psychologist or psychiatrist to prescribe medicines leaning back on their chairs and make money. It is the life of the poor depressed that is tested. I feel the very reason for the depression itself is from lack of support , communication and encouragement. A sensible clinical psychologist need totry the counselling only for these teens and the medicines are the last resort.How many of them really understand this? I have seen this problem is more in developed countries as life has become toofast and routine there.May be the climate and other environmental factors do have an influence.
Parents need to be the friends philosophers and guides of the children and many a time you may not have to visit a psuchologist.
@sanell (2112)
• United States
19 Jan 07
I agree that is sad, I think that counselors need to TRULY evaluate if there is a TRUE need for medication because I do believe in it as I needed it. and I am on it now, we have depression in our family and though I do know myself well enough to know when something is not right, I make sure that I do what I need to do to help myself, if I feel that upping my dosage is not a good idea then I know to talk to my doctor about that.
There are alternatives as well, and it is not just black and white, it is not just meds or counseling there are alternative things, putting kids in sports, or sending them to camp, trying to find what their likes or dislikes are, exercising is a great way to kick up those endorphins which makes your mood happier, I agree that parents need to get more involved in what is going on with their kids lives and be honest with them all the time, that is the only way to keep them safe from harms way.
Sometimes we do not know if meds will work against them, sometimes meds IS the right thing....but we need to watch our kids closely because they can not determine that themselves even when they are old enough (15, 16, 17) they still do not konw themselves as well as say a 35 year old like myself.
@kishchun (497)
• Oman
19 Jan 07
it's really so sad, it hurts. i wish people were more responsible and understanding. hope we all take care of our kids giving them more time and care.
@danishcanadian (28953)
• Canada
19 Jan 07
Anti-depressents, like any other medication, will affect different people in different ways. I was on anti-depressents on and off last year, and they did what they needed to do. They worked for me. Just because they worked for me however, doesn't mean they will work for the next person, and just because they didn't work for him doesn't mean they can't work for someone else.
@chiquita1977 (1706)
• United States
20 Jan 07
I hear of situations like this way to often and it is sad.medication is not a cure and they need counseling not just meds. meds can be helpful but not all kids who get depressed need meds they need guidance and someone to talk to and they should not be put on meds and be forgotten that is how things like this happen.things should change instead of putting these kids on meds something more should be done to help prevent these tradegities.
@Alexanderrp (163)
• United States
20 Jan 07
I agree! We don't need chemicals in our brain to help us get through life! That is not the right thing to do!
@SplitZip (1488)
• Portugal
19 Jan 07
Some people claim that it's all a big conspiracy, since doctors often get paid by pharmaceutical companies if they prescribe certain meds to their patients.
Is it true, is it all a conspiracy? Well, maybe the proportions are exaggerated by conspiracy buffs, but I have to say that a lot of doctors here prescribe brand meds instead of the less expensive generic ones... the effect is the same, but many doctors get trips and good from pharmaceutical companies... it's all very shady. Some doctors have already been investigated, as it is illegal to take such donations from those companies.
I'm not saying this is the case in your country, but it's something to ponder.
@Pekachu (1112)
• United States
19 Jan 07
this is very sad It seems kids today dont know how to handle stress and things like this happen more and more could it be that the parents are both working leaving the children to deal by themselves too much what can be causing this if not that
@Mecboy (1050)
• United States
20 Jan 07
We need better counseling, There are all types of counseling out there, Maybe a better selection than of medication.
I have never gone through that type of thing, I have too much of fun, I dream about marrying an Italian Girl, Fun Friends, GREAT GAMES, Half-Life 2 Game Of The Year, Counter-Strike Source, SONGS Fall Out Boy, DRAGONFORCE GREAT!
and BUNCH PF OTHERS LIKE Plain White Ts.
Im pretty much protected. But maybe people need to keep positive happy.
@gsnarayanan (1704)
• India
19 Jan 07
It is the resposibility of parents to mould the life of children. Too much of liberation to children is dangerous. Teach them good habits. Perticularly one should carefully watch the habits of female teenage children and it is the mother who can give a valuble advice to them. Resposibility is not over by giving medecines.
@birthlady (5609)
• United States
19 Jan 07
I am very sorry for your daughter's boyfriend's loss. Coping skills are important to learn and to teach at all ages.
@monx007 (162)
• Indonesia
19 Jan 07
i somewhat aggree with you. To help the child, you can not depend only on medicine.
i think, the child's family is have the main role here. As a parent, you must try to talk to your child. First step is to LISTEN to what they say, do not talk (argue) until your child have finished talking and tell what they fell.
And you can try to go vacation together, a whole family. It best to go to a nature places, like mountain, a lake, it will refreshing every of your family mind and heart
@TerryZ (22076)
• United States
19 Jan 07
wow that really is sad. I know these doctors just think everything can be solved with just takeing some pills. Wrong the doctors is to lazy to find out what the real problem is. It sickens me.
@coolcatzz (1587)
• Canada
19 Jan 07
You know I have wondered the same thing. I'm 40 and I suffer from depression and I take a variety of meds but I have heard time and time again that with children under the age of 18 they could have the opposite effect. Why?? I don't get it and if this is the case then why prescribe them. I know it's so hard for teens these days. I've had a friend tell me recently she is sorry she had kids because now they have to face these really tough years. My son is 18 and has done well and I never had any issues with him thank goodness. Now my daughter is 9 so I know the next 10 years may not be the easiest. But I will definitely be there for her and watch for any signs. Her and I are close so I would think that I could tell if there were any signs of depression. But this poor boy didn't have to die. He should have just had appropriate councelling to teach him how to cope. Sad story.
@carolynpb (647)
• United States
19 Jan 07
I'm totally agaisnt giving depression meds. We need to talk to our kids and find out whats troubling them not push meds on them. And we need to pray for them, guide them and let them know that WE are there for them. I am so sorry about your daughters boyfriends cousin.
