cocaine addiction

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Don't really know what to say. I know I need help with my addiction not sure where to turn? I've been on cocaine now for about 11 years still managing to hold a job down and study, not sure how though!!! I am really starting to mess up now getting myself into debt and feel full of guilt all the time. I know I should be stronger then this and it is a mental thing but all though I do understand this I am finding it really difficult. It's really bizarre it's not just when I'm feeling low when I want some, well not really at all when I’m feeling down it's more when I’m feeling good I think I’ll get a bag it will be ok but then that leads to another then another I think you get what I mean. The next day I feel really crap in myself yet if there is more there I will take it... Some days I don't even want to get out of bed I just sleep all day. I just can't seem to get my head around doing anything then some days I feel great I think I can do this I don't need help. It's getting to the stage now though I feel it is having some affect on my daughter I mean some days I'll just fall asleep on the sofa and let my daughter fend for her self that’s when my guilt starts to creep in she is such a lovely little girl who deserves so much better! Yet I do know I can give her what she deserves. I know taking the coke is leading to my depression and leading me to drink. Some off the things I do while I am under the influence of coke and drink together doesn't bear thinking about! If I do I start to feel disgusted in myself! "I expect your thinking why don't I try counselling" I did put in for drug counselling once but finding the time is hard. I'm a single mum trying to hold down a fall time job look after my little girl and study. I have inquired again this morning and hoping to start some sort of counselling in the next couple of weeks. I'm hoping I’ll be able to stick to this but not quite sure yet how I’m going to work it. I haven't anyone I can talk to in regards to how I feel. I think people see me on the outside and think I’m doing fine. Well I have my sisters but would rather they not know any more, it's like they get a kick out of seeing me down. I know I am a good person and have so much I can give my daughter and feel like I can do well but I have some serious issues I need to deal with. I'm just not sure what to do any more not sure why I’m on here typing this I just feel so alone and not sure how to cope anymoreDon't really know what to say. I know I need help with my addiction not sure where to turn? I've been on cocaine now for about 11 years still managing to hold a job down and study, not sure how though!!! I am really starting to mess up now getting myself into debt and feel full of guilt all the time. I know I should be stonger then this and it is a mental thing but all though I do understand this I am finding it really difficlut. It's really bizzear it's not just when I'm feeling low when I want some, well not really at all when i'm feeling down it's more when i'm feeling good I think i'll get a bag it will be ok but then that leads to another then another I think you get what I mean. The next day I feel really crap in myself yet if there is more there I will take it... Some days I don't even want to get out of bed I just sleep all day. I just can't seem to get my head around doing anything then some days I feel great I think I can do this I don't need help. It's getting to the stage now though I feel it is having some affect on my daughter I mean some days I'll just fall asleep on the sofa and let my daughter fend for her self thats when my guilt starts to creep in she is such a lovely little girl who deserves so much better! yet I do know I can give her what she deserves. I know taking the coke is leading to my depression and leading me to drink. Some off the things I do while I am under the infulance of coke and drink together doesn't bear thinking about! If I do I start to feel discusted in myself! "I expect your thinking why don't I try counciling" I did put in for drug counciling once but finding the time is hard. I'm a single mum trying to hold down a fall time job look after my little girl and study. I have inquired again this morning and hoping to start some sort of counciling in the next couple of weeks. I'm hoping i'll be able to stick to this but not quite sure yet how i'm going to work it. I haven't anyone I can talk to in reagrds to how I feel. I think people see me on the outside and think i'm doing fine. Well I have my sisters but would rather them not know any more, it's like they get a kick out of seeing me down. I know I am a good person and have so much I can give my dauther and feel like I can do well but I have some serious issiues I need to deal with. I'm just not sure what to do any more not sure why i'm on here typing this I just feel so alone and not sure how to cope anymore.