Why do people not understand women who don't want children?
By rosie_123
@rosie_123 (6113)
January 20, 2007 9:45am CST
OK - sorry if this has been discussed elsewhere as I am a fairly new member - but it is something that bothers me a lot. I am in my 40's and have been in a relationship with my partner for almost 20 years - and the fact is we don't have kids because neither of us want them! At first people kept on saying I would change my mind as I got older, but I didn't want them when I was a teenager and I have never changed that view.
So my question is - why do people find it so hard to accept a woman who just does not have a maternal urge. I like to think I am not a bad person - I have 5 cats that I adore, I reguarly give money to charity, I work hard and pay my taxes and have never been in trouble with the law -I don't drink and I don't do drugs - yet over the years I have been accused of being "hard" "selfish", "unnatural" and "evil" because I just don't want kids!
8 people like this
21 responses
@dreamsncharms (1340)
• United States
21 Jan 07
It is your personal choice and your and your partner's choice to not have children. I don't understand why people would think it was their business to try to tell you how to live the life that they want. Cats make great children.:)
4 people like this
@halfserious (99)
• United States
5 Feb 07
Pets act as surrogate children. You spend/waste ( depending on your perspective) your effort on your pets instead.
@arlene_27 (231)
• Philippines
21 Jan 07
it is easy to understand why some people find it so odd that some women do not want to get pregnant. for one, it is the one thing that men can't do -- give birth. but then it's one thing to admit that you find it odd, and another to actually make a judgment at any woman who has made a stand concerning her own body. just ignore these people who think they're better.
4 people like this
@kgwat70 (13388)
• United States
21 Jan 07
There is nothing wrong with not wanting to have kids. It does make you or anyone else a bad person. That is your choice and you have the right to choose what you want to do or not want to do. Not everyone wants to have children and I have a friend who's husband does not want to have children so some guys do not want children either though she does want children. I do not have any kids myself but would like some but that is just me. There is a lot of responsiblity in having a child and taking care of a child and raising him or her and not everyone wants that responsibility. You should do what you want to do and not worry about what other people think.
3 people like this
@sigma77 (5383)
• United States
21 Jan 07
Sometimes people accuse you of things because you are different from the norm. However you want to label your choice to not have kids is your business. If you think it is a great choice for you, that is all that matters.
You don't have to defend your choice to not have kids. You don't have to become a saint in others areas if you feel guilty. It is your life. You have the right to run it as you like, as long as you are not violating the rights of others. People are so lost in their own lives that they have nothing better to do than find fault with others that make different choices. You are not a bad person...the only one who can make that judgment is you.
3 people like this
@bonbon50 (659)
• United States
21 Jan 07
I heard this question many times and I would give them a short and honest answer; 'because I don't want them'. I've had women confess to me that if they had it to do over again that they would have chosen to remain childless as well.
@jokerinthepack (116)
• Sweden
21 Jan 07
There are many women who don't want children and it doesn't make them any worse than those who do want them. It's up to each person to decide whether they think they would be a good mother or not. I rather see a person being childless than having a child and not caring about it. It's the heart that gives the best advice and if yours tells you not to become a mother, then don't. Not all people were meant to become parents. You're a good person anyway. And besides, you have your cats to take care of. Stop worrying about what other people think you should do, just do what you think feels right.
3 people like this
@phon4u (2215)
• Laos
21 Jan 07
I think married couple should think about getting at least two children. What/why we get marriage for if we don't need children. I have been married for eight years. I like to have a child to play with, but my wife doesn't. She is afraid to be poor, but she feeds three dogs at home, they eat much more than children do. It seems funny but it is true.
@rosie_123 (6113)
•
21 Jan 07
Well in my view, marriage is for sharing your life with someone that you love and respect and want to grow old with - having children is not a reason to get married. I agree that it will always cause difficulties when a married couple have differences of opinion about a topic as important as this, and it is something they should discuss carefuly first. But at the end of the day if your wife does not want children that is her decision - after all she is the one who will have to carry the child for 9 months, give birth to it in agony, breatfeed it, and perhaps have to give up her career and her independance for the next 18 years. As for the dogs - well there is no way they will cost as much as chldren - after all yo don't have to buy clothes for dogs, or send them to school or pay for their college fees.
2 people like this
@sanjaypatel250174 (250)
• India
21 Jan 07
Having kids or no is a personal decision.as long as u and ur partner are fine with this decision,u need not listen to the world.
3 people like this
@lauczi (962)
• Poland
21 Jan 07
i know why they say so , they think that if u are feritlity and can have child automaticly u should have and should wabt becoz u are made for it. i know becoz that's what people keep telling to me. but if so then why there isnt any doubts on women who arent fertilize and still wanna have chilren? answer: becoz they are women, like woman's the highest obligation are children. that's so primitive. im a young person but i dont want chuildren and i fully understand u. wishing to have children is a personal matter and not matter of every female. people who doesnt understand it are just primitive and stupid.
@awesomehorizons (884)
• United States
21 Jan 07
If a woman decides that she doesn't want children then I see nothing wrong with it. I think that the world stereotypes women as being child producers and if a woman doesn't want children than more power to her, to each their own right? Having children is awesome if you want them, and they do come with problems, LOL, but it doesn't make any woman a bad person if she doesn't cherish the idea of wanting them or having them. So you go girl ;-)
@gemini13 (333)
• India
21 Jan 07
its not about what all others say for being a mother u must yern for it ...u r really unlucky to not want to b a mom its one of thos especial feelings which can never b compensated or replaced by anything ..that is the gift god has given us ..for the women .. u r not realisnig how great it feels to give birth to ur own child ,...ur own flesh and blood rest is ur wish ..i respect ur opinion and i was just giving u mine am justt 22 and my dream was to become a mother since my teenage..
@rosie_123 (6113)
•
21 Jan 07
Well many reasons junior. This probably sounds daft to you, but I am only child, my Mother was an only child - I was not bought up in an atmosphere with children around me - and frankly I feel uncomfortable around them - they kind of scare me!! LOL! And I just didn't want them around! Also I admit I'm not a patient person with children - I only have to hear one crying or grizzlng in a shop for example and it really irritates me, and I was scared that if my own did that I might end up harming it in some way or not being able to look after it properly, and I couldn't put any child through that!
Also my partner and I love to travel, to do things on the spur of the moment - and I know that isn't always possible when you have kids and I was scared I would end up resenting the child for stopping me doing what I wanted - and that wouldn't be fair on the child either! I love my independance and my freedom too much to be tied down.
So add to that the fact that I can't stand physical pain, and quite a few other things as well - and those are just some of my reasons. Thanks for responding to my thread.
3 people like this
@mergl81 (195)
• United States
2 Feb 07
I think having children is a personal choice and no one should say anything bad to you because you don't want kids. I do want kids, very much so but I would never sit here and say it's wrong that you don't. My sister is about to be nineteen and she's always said she never wants kids. At first I didn't understand it because she's so great with kids, but if it's her choice then I support her 100%. Don't let anyone get to you, people shouldn't judge others anyway.
@killerkev (34)
• India
21 Jan 07
well i think ita all upto d individual as to how to lead his or her life...........but i frankly think dat havin kids ...is d law of nature.i mean u r being unnatural if u don wanna hve kids...dats d way it is
1 person likes this
@Bev1986 (1425)
• United States
23 Jan 07
You have every right to your views on having kids! No one has the right to tell you differently.
From your replies, you have reasons why you don't want kids and you don't honestly have to explain them to anyone. I can't believe people that have the nerve to say anything to you.... what if you couldn't have kids??? That would be rude and wrong for them to even say anything.
I know many women who have kids and shouldn't have ever gotten pregnant! It's a shame that they didn't realize they shouldn't be parents before they had them....
@shambuca (2524)
• United States
2 Feb 07
I have heard it all too- my husban and i do not want children - we have lots of nieces and nephews to love and thats enough for us. Some of my firends who have children who are grown just tell me "don't listen to them- they just want you to be as miserable as they are"! LOL
@killahclaire (3665)
•
2 Feb 07
Wow!!! Ive never really thought about that, I would never really judge people on whether or not they want kids but I can kind of see why it happens.
It wasn't that many generations ago that woman where meant to just produce children, clean their homes and look after husbands.
Now me myself doesn't think like this and I do want to have children one day but it is kind of understandable for narrowminded people to feel this way about your choice.
Chances are if you asked a load of 18-25 year olds about children the majority of them would agree with you.
The younger generation are seeing that there could me alot more going for them without children
1 person likes this
