Marriage and divorce. Divorce rates in many western countries have reached

In my opinion I think the counselling should occur mandatorily BEFORE marriage. Some people rush into a marriage without knowing how much work that a marriage and relationship takes, they also do not discuss financial issues, household duty issues, etc before getting married. These issues are what commonly tear people apart. Especially finances. If people went into a marriage more prepared, or had gotten to know their partner better before hand, they may choose differently.

I do believe that counselling should be mandatory before a union is broken. I also think it should be mandatory (and a waiting period of say 6 months) before such a union is made. I think it's sad how easy it is to divorce. I have many friends who have recently divorced and thier poor children are stuck in the middle, and it breaks my heart. I do believe that counseling can do wonders for a troubled marriage (or any marriage for that matter), but if the parties are not interested in reconcilliation, it will obviously do no good. On the other hand, I am sure there are many couples out there who did not want to rush to divorce, but saw no hope, and counseling would have helped them, and maybe they would have made it. Every marriage has rough spots, but if you perserveare, you will find it is worth it. Most people don't like to "push-through" .. they want instant gratification and if thier spouses are not fufilling that for them at THAT moment, they want out. By the way, I am unfamiliar with this term you used... "loggerheads" please forgive my ignorance, but I would like to know what it means. Thanks.

You're right... divorce is too easy these days, Cloud. Therefore, couples go into marriage possibly knowing that it doesn't have to be a lifetime commitment. However, the children are brought into the world, and on some occasions, not all, there is not a thought towards their future. Hence, when the marriage breaks, the children suffer. I think counselling could be a good idea, as long as the counsellor is well-trained in such situations. Some aren't, and they don't have any idea as to how to deal with some situations, and end up telling you that you don't need the help. I think maybe initially, the couple should be interviewed and allowed to talk to each other, honestly, within the counsellor's hearing, in a normal fashion. At the end of such a conversation, and only then, should the counsellor intervene and make his suggestions. Equally, I think the children should receive counselling... not in such a pointed way, but maybe somebody should be alotted to take the children on trips and encourage them to relate their feelings when their mum and dad have taken them on similar trips. Perhaps, if the children are old enough, some sort of game could be devised, a kind of cross between monopoly and happy families, so that the children could express, without words, their thoughts on their home situation... perhaps monopoly is not a good example, but I hope you can see where I'm coming from. I worked in a children's home once, and I used to take them out for recreation and join in everything they did. This, they thoroughly enjoyed and some would even remark that they never got to play with their parents that way, and wondered why? Naturally, I didn't put any slight on their parents, but I always managed to satisfy them with an answer. But kids need this sort of interactive play, and not enough get it. Also, there was a child at the home, who was quite rebellious toward his parents and who'd suffered a really harsh upbringing. I used to have two half-days off a week, when a relief houseparent used to come in and cover the care of the children. This little boy was 9 years old, loved me, and didn't much like the relief. So, he took some Jeyes Fluid, made a trail from the house to the garden hedgerow and tried to light it with a match. Laughable now, bless him... he was trying to blow the house up with her in it, as he'd seen it done on films and tv. When the relief told me, I questioned him as to why he'd done this. He said, I don't like her... she's like my mum, always picking on me. That brought tears to my eyes. He told me he loved me, and I was heartbroken. Sounds silly, I know but that poor little chap had come from a violent home, and these parents who divorce and put their kids in a similar position, don't have any idea what they're doing to the kids' minds. If they were only shown in some way, what could happen to the kids, because of their actions, I'm sure a lot would think again. But, I strayed! I'm getting a bit sentimental and emotional here. Suffice to say, I think both the kids and the parents need counselling... good, solid counselling, before the parents take that final step. Sorry, if I got off the subject a bit there, Cloud, but I was trying to paint a picture. Have a great day, and brightest blessings, my friend. :-)

I don't think counciling is necessarily going to help anything. I am with Dr. Phil when he says kids would rather come from a broken home than live in one. Divorce was the best thing to ever happen to my parents. It sometimes gets to a point where you no longer want to work at it & work it out. That is between the couple & I don't think that the government has the right to step in & make laws saying what they can & can't do.

I think that this is a wonderful idea! Unless the marriage was abusive, in which case the couple should be seperated immediately. But in almost any other situation, it seems to me like there could be a lot of benefit in the couple being forced to at least attempt some form of counselling before going through with the divorce. I already wish that more couples would do this before just giving up the ghost and deciding to break up. Especially if they have children. People just do not work hard enough at their relationships nowadays, seeing it as easier to 'move on' than to try to work things out. And that makes me sad. I am lucky that my parents are still together after all these years! ^_^

Recently I separated from my husband. We had been together for 13 years and have 3 children together. We went to marriage counselling, where the counsellor basically said we didn't have any problems however my husband made it a habit to lie to me and I had discovered he had signed up on with an online dating service. Counselling did no good for us, so I can't see that it would help much. Maybe some marriages would work out, but in the long run, I can't see that it would save many of them.

It is really sad that this is happening in our society despite all the negative effects it will have to those children. I think that it would be much better if couples who are planning to get married will think it over and over before saying yes to it. greetings. : )

I think that is an excellent idea. I think some people throw in the towel far too easily. It is a shame when a family is torn apart and the children suffer from the loss of a parent. I think that some form of couselling should definitely be made available ...through the court...etc. I think that this would definitely help some couples...and may save a lot of marriages. I know that I have been to a therapist for a few years and even took my boyfriend. I have always thought counselling can help in these situations.

I know I am divorced but both my Children where 14 and 17 when this happened I held on as long as I could as I did not want the Children torn it would have affected my Daughter more as my Son never really got on with his Dad as he saw to much which I was not aware of till after we split up My Daughter dealt with it well as she saw what her Dad was doing to and she agreed it can't go on But I do believe that if they would have been younger it would have been harder on them as they would not have been old enough to know their own minds and been forced to do things that they did not want My Son did not want to see his Dad that was his Decision he could not have made that decision if he was a lot younger so he would have been forced to see his Dad so yes I think when it comes to younger Kids there should be councelling to help them all along including the Parents

My son's father and I tried to go to counseling, we weren't married, but we were wanting to try to keep our family together. We had some initial issues that we just spiral completely out of control. The couples Therapist actually didn't really hold out much hope for us working things out. It's a good thing they didn't though, we ended up splitting up after he tried to strangle me the day before Christmas Eve last year, not this closest Christmas, the one before. Luckily, all the legal stuff is over and we get along pretty well now that we aren't together. We do well to make sure our son gets plenty of time with the other parent and keep things as pleasant as possible for him. We are even having a joint birthday party for him next month, he'll be three. :) My regret is that we didn't just go ahead and end it sooner before it got to the point it did where we almost hated each other. :(

I so agree with you,I have thought this for years.so many families would be saved I believe if they could talk out their problems with someone not on the inside,thanks for bringing up this discussion!I hope some states can pick up a law for this,I asure the rates will drop

Actually, it would be better if marriage counceling were to be suggested and offer some form of benefit (such as a tax break--or some other incentive) BEFORE the marriage were to take place. Many couple have can, on a voluntary basis, partake in financial, parental, and conflict resolution counceling, before hand...it just isn't known to a larger population, nor is it something that many think about investing in. Also, these types of counceling should be re-taken every so many years, like defensive driving classes (with insurance companies--in that insurance companies offer discounts to insurees when these classes are taken). They would act as a preventative as opposed to a patch.

Marriage is one of difficult task for a couple. counseling should be done in a long run and i suggest we should have a program for this enlighten them first inner cleansing maybe and spiritually. God must be centered...people think divorce is the key to their problem...but this is not true. children may suffer and everybody may suffer.this a satan's will. to have a broken Family. in my opinion only.

I think it might help to have a counselling before deciding to divorce. Afterall you did promise eternity when you say "I do" in your marriage vows. Instead of avoiding problems like some immature kids, couples should try to work it properly, discuss the problem and talk openly with their partners instead of fighting and hurting each others all the time. Remember, marriage is hard work, no one said it is easy.. dont let go of your marriage when that love sweet feeling is no longer there.. Love is not only about your feeling for the moment, but it is also whatever sweet things you do for your partner even when you dont feel you love him/her anymore. Though I admit some marriage, really cannot survive and it is best to separate, but please do it nicely. The kids will suffer the most, divorce may leave the kids scarred and also scared of commitment, they may not believe in love anymore, it affects their self esteem as well. most kids with divorce, either hate one of the parents or both of them, or they feel they love both of the parents and feel guilty if asked to stay or sided with one only.. and most kids also feels that it is their fault that the parents have split up. I think with counselling.. it might help lots of marriage and kids also.

I was raised in a single parent family, but my parents separated before I was a year old. I never had the trauma of the separation, as I only ever knew my father to live apart from us. I think that rather than marriage counselling before divorce, couples should have counselling before getting married. I think that with the changing lifestyles of people today, one marriage for life is an un-achievable goal for many people who expect not to have to compromise etc. I think that many many women dream of the beautiful white wedding and look no further than that. My wife and I had always planned on getting married abroad. Somewhere pretty in the Carribean, probably. We lived together as a common-law couple for over 8 years before marrying. Due to the best accident that ever happened to us, we were 6 months pregnant when we married. We had the quickest, simplest ceremony at our civic centre (town hall). It seems to me that far too many people today, get married to have a nice wedding, rather than having a nice wedding to get married.

Undergoing marriage counselling would really be a big help for couples, so they may sort out and find out what's wrong with thier relationship. It can help saved relationship but not all and they should take consider their children. For some reasons many marriages were not working well because couples now a days just consider emotional feelings, they dnt think about future matters. So before you get married just be sure you can handle things very well. In that way you can save your money as well for divorce.

I think it would be very good if counselling is made mandatory.This could very well bring down the divorce rate in the country.Ususally they divorce for simple misunderstandings and this could be easily solved by a sitting down with an expert who has helped people to appreciate what their spouse means to them.

is that really in our country there is no t concep of divorse

Yes! In most cases childrens are affected. Mostly they left uncared. Couples set their mind for divorce won't think aboout to solve problems.Their problem can be easily solved by open talk. I would agree with you, practically they need to be given COUNSELLING before divorce. It may resolve the minds for divorce.

Yes before marraige there should be proper discussion regarding the individuals so that after maraige their life would go in an easy manner..and even after marriage proper councelling should be made so that discussion will prevent divorce ans avoid splitting of the family..this would really work in a better way if comes into practise