Young Girl W/ Possesive Boyfriend
@ControlledChaos (179)
United States
January 21, 2007 8:57pm CST
I have a little sister who is 14. She was born my senior year in high school (big gap there, huh?). Anyway, I just came from my mom's house and my sister's boyfriend was there. He seems like a nice kid, but I've already noticed that he's very possesive. Each time the phone rang he followed my sister to look at the caller ID. If it was a boy from school he got upset. She decided not to answer the phone when it was another boy, but every time it rang he kept wanting to answer it so that he could threaten the kid and get him to stop calling. I know that they are young and she will likely have other boyfriends eventually, but is this a bad sign? Do you think my mom or I should say something at this point? I didn't like his behavior at all... I feel like she's too young to have to deal with someone who acks like that, but wasn't sure if that feeling is just because she's my little sister. What do you think?
20 people like this
116 responses
@wrdsofwisdm (1069)
• United States
22 Jan 07
Hi,
I think it wouldn't hurt to have a little talk with him on the side. Just tell him you noticed he's acting insecure and girls don't think that's cool...or something like that. While you're at it, you can end the talk with a smile and that "don't mess with my sister" look in your eyes, so he gets the point. Otherwise I think you'll regret not doing so if he does anything stupid in the future. Hope that helps.
4 people like this
@mimicgurl (64)
• Philippines
22 Jan 07
You have to talk to your little sister boyfriend. Ask him why he is so ppossesive about that. Does he really love your little sister that is why he is so possesive. Some people are possesive because of LOVE. They are afraid of losing someone they love. We may call the relationship of your sister and her boyfriend as FIRST LOVE. Through times they will learn more about their relationship..
3 people like this
@nw1911guy (1131)
• United States
22 Jan 07
I have NEVER seen anyone possessive because of love. EVERY time I've seen it was about control and insecurity.
1 person likes this
@leedug (920)
• United States
22 Jan 07
Well I think if he keeps it up, then your sister will eventually get sick and tired of it and dump him herself. Goodness, they are so YOUNG! Imagine how that guy will be when he is older! I'd show a little brotherly protectiveness if you notice again, but I bet that little sis will have him out of there faster than you think if he keeps that stuff up.
3 people like this
@brokentia (10389)
• United States
22 Jan 07
I think you have ever right to be upset. And personally, I don't think I could stop myself from talking to her about it. I think teens will do what they want anyways. But sometimes they need someone else to step and in get them to open their eyes to a situation.
Sometimes when we are in a situation, we do not see what it really is because we are so wrapped up in it. But I would suggest that if you do approach her, you need to be sure to talk to her about it in a way that will not make her become defensive. Because then, she will not hear a word you are saying.
I would hate to see her think that it is okay to have a relationship like this and then get stuck in a pattern with future boyfriends.
It is a hard situation....and you have to tread it lightly...but I would also have to say something.
3 people like this
@mdzafaruddin (879)
• India
22 Jan 07
yes you are right brokentia someone should step in and take proper care of our little ones
2 people like this
@emeraldisle (13139)
• United States
22 Jan 07
I can see what you are concerned and I don't blame you a bit. Problem comes in if you make too much of a scene she will want to be with him more out of stubborness. Talk with her, tell her your concerns but then leave it to her. That's about all you can do. Keep an eye out yes and be there for her but don't make it more then it is.
3 people like this
@devideddi (1435)
• United States
22 Jan 07
Looks like you have already gotten plenty good advice here. You can tell when something is not right. Go with your gut instinct. And you could probably use that as a rule to follow in your own life cause it sounds like you are type person that has good instincts. Just remember when you do say something don't push. And let her know it is all her decision if she wants to change things. Cause you know how we all can be if you tell a teen not to do something it makes it that much more interesting. She may be glad you said something cause she may be feeling the same thing too. good luck
2 people like this
@devideddi (1435)
• United States
24 Jan 07
lol
I bet you're mom is glad she has you!
My 18 year old daughter does not even date,
16 year old son has a good head on his shoulder,
its my up and coming 7 year old daughter that is gonna
give me some trouble, I can tell.
aawww,that makes me startn to feel old
@ControlledChaos (179)
• United States
24 Jan 07
Kids seem to do that to you. Make you feel old, I mean. lol
But at least it sounds like you've got a couple of them that haven't given you much trouble! Maybe the younger one will surprise you... especially since she has two good older siblings to help guide her.
@ControlledChaos (179)
• United States
22 Jan 07
I know what you mean about not pushing... My mom's been tempted to try to get them both to back off from eachother a bit. But, as it is they are always around my mom (supervised). I keep telling mom to handle it very carefully because if she pushes too much they'll just start sneaking around on their own. He only lives just down the road from them so I'm afraid she'd start trying to sneak out at night if she couldn't see him when she wants to.
This is enough to make me glad I don't have kids... lol
1 person likes this
@mzbubblie (3839)
• United States
22 Jan 07
Most def. you should say something. First off he is a "visitor" in your family home, he shouldn't be walking anywhere around that house. 2ndly talk to your lil sister and see how she feel about being followed or furthermore not being trusted. It would be wise to speak now rather than wait until god forbid, something happens that could of been advoided from the jump....
I believe anyone in someone elses home is a guest and should respect whatever goes on in that house meaning, like the phone ringing or such... When I was younger my little male friends had to sit in the living room and stay put...such was not allowed in my home....good luck with your sister, but being Big brother maybe you need to give him a little advice...but be respectful..I know how brothers are about their sisters..I have 2 of them...
@darckj (885)
• Philippines
22 Jan 07
yAH,big bros have to keep lil sisters safe from their boyfrends.. we big bros do understand that too, cause we ourselves have gurlfrends or used to have gurlfrends and we do not want other guys to steal our gurls from us.. but being over possessive is not a sign of love.. remember, love is not jealous.. i believe acting on it is good before the simple "possessiveness" turns into obsession.. your sister is young, and may eventually find another in whom she may find security and happiness.. how about a lil talk ot the kid? if it does not work, i know one thing that really works for big guys... SCARE 'EM..\m/
3 people like this
@Elaeblue (144)
• United States
22 Jan 07
That is a good observation, I would keep an eye on them. If he starts to tell her where she can go and who she can talk to then you should say something for sure. If you and she are good friends as well as sisters you could talk about it now just go light and ask her if he wants to follow her to the bath room too, so she knows you are joking but saying something at the same time. Him wanting to fight other boys makes me nervous as it shows he solves problems with his fists, what will happen when they have a problem? Just keep an eye on them and talk to your parents if you have to as she could be in a dangerous position if she decides to break it off with him.
2 people like this
@XxAngelxX (2830)
• Canada
22 Jan 07
No, I think you're right and I'm sure it's not just because she's your little sister. Someone should definitely say something to her about how his behaviour is inappropriate and there is no reason for her to have to put up with it. Someone needs to have a chat with him to. I wonder how at that young of an age, a person could develop such a mistrust of others.
3 people like this
@samtaylorskykierajen (7977)
• Canada
22 Jan 07
I think I would mention to her how you are not belittling her decisions in who she picks for a boyfriend but that you had picked up on some things when you last saw her and then ask her how possisive she finds him to be on a regular basis , maybe she has noticed this herself and needs a little advice but didn't know how to bring it up without sounding like the younger kid sister . In the end after you give her advice you still ultimately have to let her make the decision on her own or she could end up hating you for it . I know people were always trying to make decisions for me when I was younger and I ended up disowning my family for years .
3 people like this
@egc65791 (82)
• United States
22 Jan 07
What I would do is pick up the phone find out who it is and hand it to my sister. If he objects put your opinion toward him and how he don't need to be so possive. The problem is that he is probally acting out what he has seen men do in his house. Ask him is he really that unsecure that he is going to loose your sister to another boy. And if he says yes then tell him he wouldn't have to be, if he would show your sister that he is such a great guy that she would not want to loose him. Some young men have to be taught from many different people how to treat a woman cause they have only seen their dad or relitives that control their women by fear. Which is so wrong in my opinion. But I would teach him or help him to respect women and their privatcy. Hope it helps. And yes I had to do this for my lil sister, had the same problem but now the boy is a great person to her.
2 people like this
@jpibanez29 (131)
• Philippines
22 Jan 07
Slack him in his weenies. *Just kidding*
Anyways, you should talk to that boy, he`s young. They`re both young. That boy shouldnt act like that.
2 people like this
@shooie (4984)
• United States
22 Jan 07
If she is 18 or younger then yes have a little talk with her. Stay calm because you don't want her to think she is being babied. Let her know this is not good behavior on the boys part. That she is young and should be able to have guy friends as well as girlfriends without her boyfriend being pocessive. Not always but sometimes guys like this can have an affect on her self esteem by talking down to her if she talks to boys. If he is so pocessive could lead to abuse. Big brother may have to talk to boy friend. May I asked the age of your sister. To me anyone under the age of 16 or even 17 shouldn't have a serious boyfriend...and a 14 year old shouldn't be allowed to go on a date alone with a guy. group dates maybe.
1 person likes this
@ControlledChaos (179)
• United States
24 Jan 07
I agree with you on that there should be no "real" dates at that age. They are never together unsupervised. I guess that's part of the reason why this boy's behavior bother's me. She's too young to have any one guy trying to monopolize her time so much.
@nw1911guy (1131)
• United States
22 Jan 07
Uh he told her age in the first line of his discussion. *hint, hint* wink.
1 person likes this
@cheenlly (3476)
• Philippines
23 Jan 07
your a guy am i right? if so then you can talk to her boyfriend. A man to man talk and give him advice regarding what you observe. im sure he will listen. He is still young and if some behavior of him is corrected he may change for the better. Tell him about your thoughts.
1 person likes this
@ControlledChaos (179)
• United States
24 Jan 07
I do intend to talk to directly to him... I guess I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't over-reacting first. I've already made comments to him about other things in the past and he seems to respond well. I'm going to have a real chat with him as soon as I can - in a few days.
@kylerrhys (164)
• Philippines
22 Jan 07
Hahaha! The world is going opposite. Maybe your sister's boyfriend has some issues and an inferiority complex. Maybe your sister likes to have a possesive boyfriend. I did have a boyfriend in the past who was so possesive. At first, it was fine and liked it. But I got the hang of it and got irritated because I can't even go out with my friends. Huh! I missed a lot on my college days because of him! Ewww!
2 people like this
@hikarushidou (843)
• Philippines
22 Jan 07
Your gut feel is correct. Your little sister's boyfriend is acting weird, and indeed possessive. I know you don't want to disappoint your sister while getting your message across so here's what you do. You can either tell your mother or tell yourself lightly that "you like this guy? He's okay for me. But dont you think he's being possessive of you?" I mean asking her opinion first is better than telling her straight that might make her mad at once. Just be sweet to her and tell her I just wanna make sure that my sister is really happy. I hope she understands you.
@gypsylady28 (945)
• United States
22 Jan 07
I agree with you, I think 14 is a little to young to act that possesive. Imagine how bad it will be 10 yrs. down the line. Our 11 yr. had a "boyfriend" at school. When he decided he didn't like her anymore, it was like a soap opera. She was going to make him regret "leaving" her. He was going to "be sorry". She wasn't going to let any other girls talk to him. I was shocked at how possesive she had become over the boy. Considering that we don't let her date, she acted like someone that had been married for years. I asked her if he was a person or one of her toys she didn't want to share. She was pretty much of the mind that he belonged to her. We sat her down and had a talk with her about this attitude. How does your sister feel when he acts like that?
1 person likes this
@ControlledChaos (179)
• United States
22 Jan 07
I know what you mean about the soap opera. I guess I remember that everything seems like a big deal when you are that age... It's easy for them to get caught up in it, even if it seems silly to us sometimes.
I don't think my sister likes it much, but I haven't talked to her about it yet. I'm going to soon though!
@dirtpoorboy (156)
• United States
22 Jan 07
i think that if she was my daughter, i know shes not yours. i would not let her date at that age. i think im goin to be a strict father when i get older. if he was acting that way towards her in my house or my parents house i would not except that at all. i think that you have every right to say whats on your mind!
1 person likes this
@ControlledChaos (179)
• United States
24 Jan 07
If she was my kid I probably wouldn't let her out of the house... lol.
I should have been more clear in my post about their relationship. I say "boyfriend" but they aren't allowed to be together unsupervised. My sister knows this and seems to be fine with it. I'd probably be lecturing my mom if I found out that she was letting her actually "date" at 14.
