Is the Drinking an Excuse?

There comes a time in everyones life when they must grow up. This lady has children and she needs to be a responsible parent and set good examples. She must also take into consideration the fact that her actions reflect upon her husband and children. If she has a drinking problem then she needs to step back and take a look at her life as well as her marriage and decide in which direction she wants things to go. She certianly doesnt need her friends to defend and or make excuses for her problem. 9 times out of 10 friends will only drag you down. Dont get me wrong, I dont think there is anything wrong with having an occasional drink but you need to know where the stopping point is and an occasional drink doesnt mean every other day or weekend only drinking, it means just exactly what it say's, an occasional drink. I dont think anyone should be talked down to or disrespected but have you stopped to think that maybe if there wasnt a problem they wouldnt be treating her that way ? I used to drink like a fish, I did it for years, It caused me to loose my wife and children and I probably would still be drinking if it werent for something a neighbor said to me that got me to thinking about it. I had been drunk for a long time, my wife and children were gone and this lady said to me: Those children will be back some day, Is this the way you want them to find you when they return ? I blew it off at first but it stayed in my mind all night. I stopped drinking that next day and have never touched another drop since. After I was sober for a while I begin to see where I had made my mistakes, I begin to realize what I was doing to myself and my family. I couldnt or didnt want to see that when I was drinking. Instead of trying to defend your friend and helping her to continue wasting her life running from one party to the next how about trying to help her understand that she has a family and responsibilities to think about before anything else and maybe its time to ease back on the drinking just a little

it is not good to see a married woman who is a hard drinker.this will affect your relationship between your husband and your children. it also disrespect to your partner. i think she should devote her life to her family. it is already out of etiquette.we as "mothers" should be play as an idol to our children.what children see to us, they will also do the same

I think it is people drink to enjoy the joy of a good happening and the same people drink to kill their sarrrow,bot ways they want areason to drink.

It sounds to me that their relationship is on very rocky ground. It doesn't matter how or why one or both of them has or hasn't changed. I agree that he shouldn't be disrespectful to her and they should be seeking counseling or re-evaluating their relationship. The sad fact is that people are rude. People feel that it is ok for them to be judgemental and superior. It is human nature. They need to decide what they feel they should do.

So much for wedding vows...you know, the ones that go "in sickness and in health". Being disrespectful to a partner is so destructive. Everyone that sees it wants to jump on the band wagon. I bet this lady has no-one to stand up for her or with her. Her self esteem and ego must be shattered and if she wasn't drinking to excess before she probably is now. Sad.

According to me,Though Drinking is very hazardious for health.Each and every problem can be solved calmly rather then being aggresive.It's better idea to give information and practical exampes of bad effects of drinking to her.And slowly try to motivate her towards reality and responsibilities of her towards her family rather then being rude to her.Her family should put her under rehabilitation.To become harsh to her is not appropriate.

You're right, he DID know how she was when they got married. If I'm not mistaken you stated that he used to be that way himself. Good for him for changing, but ust because he's changed doesn't mean he should expect EVERYONE to change, and disrespect those who don't. If she WANTS to change he needs to encourage her, if he's tired of the way she is he needs to leave their relationship behind. It's the same all around. One example I can think of a Christian I know who was recently "born again." This person is so HAPPY with his conversion that he thinks he must convert everyone else. Hey buddy, just because it works for you doesn't mean it's going to work for me. If the husband is unhappy with his wife's habits it's his problem. People can't change other people, and they should quite trying.

I've seen this happen often. I think it's a combination of growing up while growing sober. Unfortunately, when one spouse makes the mature move to create a better life and the other doesn't there are often problems. He's not right to belittle her. He should either try to get her help, get him and his kids help with AA style partnerships for families who suffer or make the decision to move on. Belittling her and making her look bad will only help to make her feel worse about herself and continue to harm herself and her family. It's sad to watch. Those that talk about her are just as bad as she is for not realizing the damage they're doing in their own family and their childrens' lives.

I dont doubt they are using it as an excuse to belittle her etc and I'm deadset against that because its just not right HOWEVER, I do think that she should change somewhat for the simple reason that she is a mother and partying all the time really isnt the way to be....I'll be the first to admit though that being a mom wasnt enough at the time for me to get my crap together but that doesnt make it right ya know..Do I htink she should become nunlike by any means but having boundries is a must when you have kids IMO.....As for her husband, instead of being a pr!ck about it I think he should #1 tell his family to lay the hell off it since that is his wife and #2 talk to his wife, not disrespect her...talk to her, explain how he's feelign and that he'd like to work together to change certain things so their marriage doenst crumble....BUT if thats not possible, she needs to decide if she wants to stay married and in this relationship really...I know that I wouldnt want to go through life being treated like crap by my in laws and not have my husband back me up/stand up for me AND I wouldnt tolerate my husband treating me like crap either....i'd also know my priorities too..... Keep in mind I'm assuming that she is still partying hard like before kids and marriage so please correct me if I'm wrong on that!

Well I'm of the persuasion that heavy partying and raising children is not really a good mix (i.e. Britney spears...) having said that, he knew how she was, and was the same as her not too long ago. If he seriously wanted her to change, he would/should be going about it a completely different way. I think it's always a bad idea to involve family in marital conflicts, as parents will always take sides, they can't help it. There are programs and places she can go to get help if she decides to, but she'll never change until SHE wants to do it, and I bet it won't be because he ridicules her. Shame on him for kicking her while she's down.. and he ought not judge either, for he prob. only changed for a job.

No this is cruel and very unfair. You are right he did fall in love with her and she hasn't changed so what is his problem. I think that maybe he needs to lighten up or lose her. His family has no business sticking their nose in their marriage either. In laws are in laws and she is not married to them!

She should not be expected to change. It isn't up to him when she adopts the less drinking policy he has for his job. If that is what he wanted it should have been discussed and agreed upon. If she is not causing problems for herself, her children or her marriage, then what is the problem? She is an adult and if she feels like partying or having a few drinks then she should. They don't care about her if they are treating her like that and they think her drinking is a problem. If my husband was drinking all of the time, I sure wouldn't treat him like crap, especially if that is what we always did to begin with. If I didn't like it, I would be honest and tell him, but not put him down and disrespect him. If it got so that I just couldn't stand him being a party person when I couldn't be, maybe I would consider being apart. The last thing a person that cares about you does is treat you like crap, disrespect you and let other people do it to. If they cared about you then they would treat you with love for the most part, even if they felt your drinking was a problem.

I don't agree with them being harsh with her . Like you said he knew what he was getting into when he met her and he was in the same situation as her so he must realize how hard it was for him to change . She needs help and support not critisism . She should try to change for herself because it is not good to be drunk all the time but I think things would be easier for her if he would let her know he cares about her and is willing to help her overcome her problem rather then put her down for something he himself used to do .

No, you should understand her,, maybe thats her outlet to forget her problems . Talk to her!

She has already a family,She should give her attention more to her children.His husband must also control himself and be kind and compassionate to her wife and let her see the beauty of quiting drinking for the sake of the kids.

No. I don't think it is ever an excuse. If you can't handle it then be responsible and drink less.

Since I don't know the lady, I would be unqualified to judge whether she drinks too much, needs rehab or whatever. But I have no trouble saying that being harsh with people doesn't help any situation. If he's being holier-than-thou on top of the harshness, the only effect he can be sure of having is increasing her drinking.

I don't think it's fair that he mistreats her because he has changed and she hasn't. It sounds like he might be bitter about it - she can still do what he isn't able to do. Even though you aren't asking this, I don't think her behavior is acceptable. She's an adult with a family and she needs to put the partying days behind her. If she's just getting drunk all the time, she may have a problem. The husband might want to look into getting her some help instead of treating her in a demeaning fashion. That would be the compassionate thing to do.

I definately dont think that the fact that she drinks should motivate the housband to be disrepectful to her. but on the other hand to much of everything is bad. therefore if she drinks excessively it will be good if she moderates her ways.

Maybe they should look at family counselling? People change in the course of a relationship and obviously he didn't have a problem with the drinking before, so maybe it is just an excuse and there are other underlying issues?